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Depression: Demon within me

My battle with depression

By InnerPeaceOdysseyPublished 2 months ago 3 min read
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Depression: Demon within me
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

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Once upon a time, I was a pitiful, depressing, irritating next-door human being. The state of mind made me as unproductive as possible. Every night, I used to get mad at myself for not being productive and happy, But then I got bored of this frustrating life, and I recalled how I used to be an energetic and happy soul.

I used to be the one who always took initiative in life. It was my habit to keep myself busy when I used to get angry, sad, or confused.

I never knew what being depressed meant, but soon after my marriage and the birth of my son, the dark clouds of depression started looming on my head and making my eyes drizzle tears now and then.

I kept fighting with it, denying that Darth Vadar of depression could hit a Yoda like me. But it did and was hard for me because I never had an easy childhood. I experienced during my childhood instability and abuse. I always gave credit to it for making me strong and tolerant. But with more stability and a little less abuse, my life became sadder. I moved to the USA, and loneliness, hormonal changes, and gestational diabetes during the pregnancies took away light from my soul. I am still struggling after so many years. But I think my peak with depression is over. There are still days when I don’t feel like meeting/talking to people. Half of the time, I act artificially. Depression may have bent and broken me down, but it failed to diminish my spirit and desire to bounce back to life.

The reason for sharing my constant battle with it is because many like me don’t want to admit that they are struggling with an intruder called depression, maybe demolishing their courage to face the World and changing their personalities to some sad and pitiful person.

Denying it may not fix you, but it will break you more. But acknowledging the issue powers you up to give you one step up in the battle of coming out of depression.

It is not easy to be open about your inner demons. I got depressed to the extent that I gave up my hope for everything. But I am thankful for my constant battle to stay happy since I was a kid, it kept haunting and reminding me of my old resilient self.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. I recognize it as an act of courage. Now, I understand the meaning of this notion that one should love himself first.

A lot of time I debate with myself over this issue. Should I brush it off under the carpet and should I not talk about it with anyone? Why should I give it so much importance? Such questions often bother me, but then I always tackle with these thoughts questioning it. Why make it taboo? I think people should normalize it like any other health issue.

Because if ignored depression can ruin a person's life completely. Sometimes severe depression can impact badly not only the person who is suffering but also the people around that person. A person who suffers from severe depression is often unable to decide when to seek professional help. That is why talking openly about depression can encourage people to ask for help more confidently, or people can notice the red flags about depression.

The years of my struggle with depression taught me one thing firmly, practicing self-compassion and self-appreciation is very important. I remember I went downhill by doing self-criticism. I thought self-criticism and correcting myself would improve me and help me become a more balanced person. I forgot that perfection in life is a hypothetical scenario and we should only take it as a model to bring improvements in ourselves.

Learn to forgive yourself first. It is okay to be a little imperfect. Since I started practicing forgiving and loving myself more. I noticed a tremendous change in mood swings

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About the Creator

InnerPeaceOdyssey

I'm here to share my life's journey with you. Every word I write is the result of my experiences, where each twist and turn forms a compelling story.

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