Dear Octavia

I met you at an audition you were holding for your short film Uneducated. What drew me to the project was the character breakdown and the synopsis of the film. A woman trying to navigate work and deal with the pressure from her mother to go back to school, while also trying to find love. I related with that character because I was going through that process myself. But another character featured was her friend Odessa or "Dee." Dee was an androgynous lesbian there to support her friend and encourage her to go to school. I auditioned for the role of Dee because I physically could play the part. I really wanted the main role of Angela but it was already cast. I didn't let that discourage me. I auditioned anyway and although I was not cast, it felt good being in the room with you.

Little did I know our paths would cross on a different project. Another friend was shooting her web series and she invited me to assistant direct. One of the episodes had been handed off to another director, but it wasn't announced on who it would be. I arrived for first readthrough that evening and you arrived shortly after. We greeted each other and did a double take. That mutual feeling of familiarity but not remembering how. We put the idea to the side and continued to do introductions. Once you introduced yourself and stated that you were working on your film, that set it off.

Over the course of rehearsals and the day of filming, I got to know your process of film making. It was concise and detail oriented. Your direction was firm but also comforting. If we were doing emotional scenes and needed to take a break, you were very patient. I didn't want our time to be over after production was wrapped. I invited you to coffee and you agreed. Meeting you for coffee was fun. I got you know your fun playful side. You love comic books, anime, and rom coms. You are a hopeless romantic and we can talk relationship goals 24/7. But what I admire the most about you is your drive. You wake up every morning to write scripts. You do crowdfunding for the film projects you work on. Even through this pandemic you find the time to reach out accordingly.

At the beginning of the pandemic you faced one of the hardest things anyone has to face: losing a loved one. You dealt with depression every day for that past few months while trying to take care of your immediate family that is living with you. When my grandmother passed, my entire world fell apart. I suffered from depression and couldn't function. I cut everyone out of my life and stayed in bed crying for hours. Losing a loved one and trying to conquer daily tasks is not easy. Getting out bed can feel like you're trying to climb out of a sink hole. But you do it. Every day. I wish I was as strong as you. I let the smallest things bring me down. I feel defeated when I'm not looking my best. I gained weight during the pandemic and I constantly feel subconscious about my body. I can't sleep because the bulge in my stomach lays next to me and I wish it would go away. But I have to remember that there is more to life. That I get to wake up in the morning and get a restart on anything that didn't go right. I'm so thankful that I have you there as a reminder. Your daily instagram posts give me the motivation that I need to keep going. I'm honored to be your friend. I love you.