Dear me, but first my mom

Dear myself, but first I want to thank my mom. Growing up I never took the time to realize how much my surroundings had changed from when I was little to when I was much older until now. When I got to the age I am now I looked back at my upbringing. To realize how much my mom had brought us so far. From living in our tiny two-bedroom old worn-down trailer in the country parts of Alabama. Where I had to share a room with my big brother. Always arguing about who was messing up the room, Hoping someday soon. I could have a room all to myself, where I can have it decorated the way I wanted to. I attended a school where they tried their best to teach us with old worn-out books, needing to be replaced, but couldn't. My mom had lived in this same country town, her whole life and her mother’s whole life, and so on. Our family had lived in this small town for hundreds of years. I even traced it back all the way to slavery, our family had stayed and settled in this small Alabama town. Living the same small-town life everyone else did. My mom was constantly harassed by her own aunt to “get off the land”. I would always walk in on my mom crying but I was too little to really understand what was going on. My mom didn’t have much guidance growing up, especially with two small children. She basically raised herself. My mom worked hard to save up and finally move away to somewhere better; for her and her children. She finally brought a house in a nice neighborhood in a city an hour away. Where good schools were located. I had finally got my own room and was able to decorate it the way I wanted to. The new school I attended had all new things and I was exposed to much better things that helped me later in life. She worked countless hours at Dollar General, making sure I got to school on time and was picked up on time. She went from working there to becoming a supervisor at a nice company. Giving me and my brother things she never had in life. Because she made those steps to get us to where she got us. The next steps I make in life will be much easier because of how far she has gotten us.

I’ve studied at a university in Korea and traveled to lots of countries. Most people in my family don’t even have their passport let alone leave the state of Alabama, but because she made those steps I took the steps forward to do those things in life. My brother is very successful now and I’m getting started on the woman I hope to become one day.

In the past, I never really gave myself the credit I deserve. I was always too hard on myself

Thinking every little thing I did wasn’t enough. A person can only do so much. I used to feel like I was cursed by the universe because of the things I worked so hard on and wished to have. When I finally got it, it wasn't as great or turned out bad. Moving to Korea was my dream, I got myself a job soon as I turned 16 and worked to save my money to go. I moved there in 2018 at 19. The first three months were great then things went downhill. I was sexually assaulted twice, one being someone who I trusted and who I cried to about being sexually assaulted too. Only for him to do the same to me. I’ve been through so much in life so much that I kept buried inside. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't cursed but strong I had to deal with so much at the age of 19 but still smiled and kept my head high not letting people know I was hurting deep down. I saw it as weak but after healing and realizing I finally saw it as strength.