Cracking the Fictional Love Code

Everyone has their own version of how they see what love is supposed to be to them. The question still remains, what kind of love are we supposed to hold out for if no one has the same definition of love? When it comes to finding, keeping, and letting go of the love you have to be careful. Matters of the heart are very fragile and the smallest of wounds can leave the deepest scars.

When it comes to love there are many things people overlook. They are so busy looking everywhere else that they miss out on what could potentially be a great love. The things people overlook are messy, unpredictable, and complicated. These sound like negative aspects, but these negative traits are the reason we fall in love and because of that, the negative becomes a positive.

The majority of us grew up watching Disney and fantasizing of our happily ever after. As children we are sponges, absorbing all of the perfect endings and that ideal fairytale life. As we get older that fictional version of love is all we really ever knew. Most hold out for it and constantly look to find it. Others get with their significant other and still crave it.

Every day I see people dismiss great love because they are holding out for that perfect love. I honestly believe that love only exists on movie screens. We get blinded by everything we see on tv and listen to how society tells us we should act or how we should love. It puts false versions of love in our minds and that is one of the main reasons we never stay satisfied in our relationships.

I have had my share of heartbreak, hell I have been the one doing the breaking some of the time. So, I have been on both sides of the fence. As a child, I saw my mom change men as often as she changed her panties. It never made her a horrible mom, if anything it opened my eyes early to see how I wanted love to be for me. On occasion, I still fall back to those fairytales and find myself slipping through that crack. I start comparing my significant other to those stories, but I quickly try to pull myself out of that false version of love.

The reason I say that perfect love does not exists is because love is not perfect. Love is chaotic and difficult. It never follows the same path twice. Plus, perfect is overrated and boring these days. Love has to be hard in order to be worth fighting for. That is what makes it so epic when you find that great love.

There are thousands of books on finding love. There are even books on getting rid of the one you love. There are no real answers on why we self-sabotage our relationships. This is just one theory out of millions and one consistent thing that will never change is wanting more. Wanting more is not a bad thing until you let it destroy or skew your reality of love. This is easy to do when you chase that fictional love. Break-through your own reality and see that you can be fully satisfied with that great love directly in front of you.

You can also be content with just being by yourself. It is fake it till you make it. Say to yourself I'm content with being alone, I'm content with being me, I'm content with being satisfied for now. Once those walls come crashing down a whole new world will open your eyes to that right kind of love. The kind of love that you not only want but that you need.

I was curious one day and interviewed some of my friends and even a stranger. The interview was focused around if anyone else shared these same theories about love. I also asked what their version of the perfect love is. The majority started off by listing a material item, such as a house. One of them said something sexual and the one stranger said someone to give permission.

This is the mindset I was earlier talking about. We look to material objects or a general human sense for example; husband, wife, family, etc. We do not stop looking deep enough to see beyond the glitz and glamour of the happily ever after. Have you ever seen the after in any original fairytale? This is because there is not one. My friends asked me the same thing and I simply said, someone that I look forward to waking up beside every morning. A best friend who I can rely on to have my back just like I have theirs. They all looked at me like I said something completely shocking.

We all need to find ways of breaking out of that fictional thinking because that is one of the self-sabotaging issues most run into. We simply cannot get out of our own way. Find different avenues to take and stop going down the same street, expecting it to lead a different way. Each time we travel down that street it does damage to us emotionally and mentally. After so many self-sabotaging journeys some of us get stuck in the fairytale world and crave it more than before. We eventually lose ourselves on that journey.

Some of us only self-sabotage because we either feel unworthy of love or we lack confidence. One of the easiest ways to gain confidence is to surround yourself with the positive and ditch the negative. For some, this could be hard to do, especially when we are in negative relationships we cannot seem to get out of. This type of negative is what I like to call relationship venom. It is like poison and the more confidence you lack the more venom is going to poison the way you see yourself. This is a cycle that keeps going and destroys any chance we have at a positive love and prevents us from learning to love who we are. Therefore, attracting more of the poison.

Always remember, real love starts with learning to love ourselves. When you have this lesson down, only then can you break through your own reality and those walls to that fictional world you have been in will come down. All of those flaws you saw before in all of your relationships will turn into reasons for being with that person. This version of real love is the love you not only want, but it is the one version you need. So, love who you are and never take for granted the love you deserve.