Climbing from Graves

It was an ordinary summer day when my life changed forever. I was on vacation with my family and loving every minute of it. We spent days at the beach and nights eating dessert on the balcony. I knew I felt off, but I was determined to not let it ruin our trip. The last day, we packed the car with our bikes and set off for a trail. The coffee was fresh and morning air was crisp. My two-year-old was strapped in a bike car seat attached to my ride. She was excited and this was the first time we would be using the car seat. I rode off in front of my husband and made it far ahead of him. When I got to the top of a hill, I suddenly felt out of breath. This was not normal for me. My heart was beating so fast, I could hear it in my ear drum. I attempted to slow down and rest, but the weight of the bike was too much. I collapsed and blacked out. My child was still in her car seat, unharmed, but very upset. Moments later, my husband caught up and was checking our child and myself for injuries. We both were okay, except for my blackout. I agreed it was time to see a doctor.

There were many months prior that I pretended I was okay. The first symptom I had was fatigue. I spent my days yawning and just wanting to go to bed. There was no sleeping at night though, I was restless and exhausted. I was a new mom and I kept saying I’m tired because of the baby. I had a million and one excuses on why I wasn’t quite myself. The next symptom was shaky hands. I couldn’t hold anything without trembling. In the past, I would have gone right to the doctor. I used the “mom’s card” to pretend it wasn’t there. My family was growing concerned for my visible symptoms. The fall was completion of denial. It was time to see a doctor.

I’ll never forgot the somber feeling after my doctor’s diagnosis: Graves Disease. It sounded harsh and I remember I stopped listening to the doctor as soon as the words escaped his lips. I felt lightheaded and very warm. I didn’t have many questions at first, because I was in shock. I thought it was going to be a simple problem with a quick fix. He handed me a fact sheet that read, “What is Graves Disease?” I read the article repeatedly, hoping to understand it better. Graves Disease is an autoimmune disease that results in overproduction of the thyroid hormone. I experienced almost all the symptoms on the sheet. The number one sign is weight loss. I blame our society for me being excited about the unknown weight loss. This should have tipped me off, but I am sad to admit, I was thrilled instead of being alarmed. We watch TV and are constantly flooded with imagery of “thin”. I am an advocate of the “healthy body” and am ashamed that I ignored this red flag. It was a learning experience that I will not repeat.

I also spent much of the summer dealing with heat sensitivity. I acquitted this to the summer weather. I’ve never been delicate to warmer weather, but once again I thought this was a hormonal issue from having a baby. My menstrual cycle was also very light and barely there. Many people told me your cycle will change after you have children. Prior to my diagnosis, we were seeing a fertility doctor to find out why we couldn’t conceive again. We used fertility in the past, so this wasn’t surprising to us. I was undergoing treatments that, sadly, were paused until remission.

My company I worked for was acquired during my unknown illness. I took on a few new roles at my job. I learned a new program and became the office “go to” during this time. I had severe anxiety, that I never experienced in my life. I felt like I was losing control and like the other symptoms I was pretending everything was fine. All of these indications of my health should not have been ignored, but now was the time to deal with my diagnosis. I told the doctor that day, after the shock wore off, that I would recover in one year and go rock climbing. He laughed and said he would hold me to it.

The goal was to hit remission in one year. This meant changing my lifestyle. I was put on restrictions because my heart rate was resting at 150 bpm. I could go for short walks, but no exercising. I also had to change my eating habits and cut out coffee. I have a sign on my desk that reads “No coffee, no workee.” This just shows you my love for caffeine. It was time to follow doctor’s orders and get healthy for my family. I stayed positive and moved on with my life.

It was a rollercoaster of a year. I had good and bad days. I was prescribed a beta blocker to lower my heart rate and thyroid medication to even my levels. I couldn’t push my baby’s stroller or chase her on the playground. I’m an active person normally, so this was hard to process. I always needed someone with me when I had my daughter. I couldn’t keep up with her without getting out of breath. I needed someone to stop her if she ran away. She often thought this was funny. I kept telling myself I was getting better, and I’d be playing alongside of her soon.

There were months between where my thyroid levels were all over the place. At one point, I was overmedicated and threw my body into hypothyroidism. This meant the thyroid gland was underactive. This happens when the thyroid gland doesn’t make enough thyroid hormones. The result was weight gain. I saw a nutritionist, and nothing helped until the doctor changed the dosage of my medication.

I marked my progress every week. I never stopped walking and that was the only exercise I was allowed to do. In the beginning, I would sit on the curb if I felt winded. My family was supportive and made it easier for me. They never made me feel sick and were always so hopeful that it would be a distant memory soon. One cool March night, I went for a walk with my sister. We made it around the entire development. We were chatting and being silly and I didn’t realize I made it all the way around, without stopping once. My heart rate was normal, and I didn’t feel tired. It was the first time I felt like myself.

After a year of healing and acceptance of Graves Disease, I went to my doctor’s appointment. I scheduled it the morning of our family vacation. It was exactly a year from our last trip when I fell off my bike. The appointment could have gone one of two ways: Remission or not remission. Regardless of the status, I knew I felt great and my levels were all in normal ranges.

Moment of truth: Remission! When my doctor told me the news, I cried. This was the best news he could have reported. It set a delightful tone for our family vacation. I called everyone and told them my ecstatic news. I even booked an indoor rock-climbing session with my sister and best friend.

On the day of our event, I began having regrets. The moment we stepped inside the gym, I immediately wanted to leave. I had butterflies in my stomach, and I started to get nervous. The climbing walls were 40 feet. I looked to my group, and they felt it too. We had to commit. I didn’t give up once during that year and I wasn’t about to at the finish line.

We did several different types of climbs. My first time up, I stopped halfway and came back down. I regrouped and went straight to the top. The trick: don’t look down. After I got to the top of the wall, I wasn’t afraid of any of the other climbs. It was exhilarating and freeing. We made plans to do indoor rock climbing again. This was the furthest activity from my comfort zone, and I loved every minute of it. I felt like I was climbing over my illness and moving onto the next chapter in my life.

The importance of caring for yourself is just as important as caring for others. You cannot help if you need help. I will spend the rest of my life taking care of myself so I can take care of my family. I’ll leave this bit of knowledge: Do not ignore your body. If it is talking to you, listen.

It would be incorrect to say this was the end of my journey. Afterall, there are tons of physical activities I would love to conquer. I made a list of fun activities a year ago I would have never thought I could do. We also have plans to extend our family. The options are limitless now. This is only the beginning, and I will continue to climb my way to better health.