Changing Your Thinking

It’s important to be mindful of your thinking, to what exactly it is that voice in your head is saying, and how it affects what comes out of your mouth when you speak and interact with others. For example, instead of apologizing for everything, practice gratitude. Rather than “I’m sorry I was late,” try “Thank you for waiting for me;” and turn “I’m sorry for being so sensitive” into “I appreciate how accepting of me you are;” “I’m sorry I always mess up” can become “Thank you for being patient when I make a mistake;” and “I’m sorry for talking so much” can be “thank you for listening to me.” Even subtle changes can go a long way over time in fine tuning your thinking in a positive direction.

In my experience, this really can help. I used to apologize for everything because I felt like I was a burden, but over time by changing my wording, I taught myself that I didn’t need to be sorry for everything-- I have as much right to take up space and oxygen as anyone else on Earth. “Thank you for being patient with me” is one I use often. Of course, we can’t be perfect all the time, and sometimes we’ll slip up and apologize when we needn’t. What’s most important there is remembering that that’s okay. Relapse is a part of recovery, after all. On a small scale as well on larger scales.

There are, of course, other ways in which one can change their thinking for the better. It’s important to remember that no matter how difficult it may be to accomplish, you really do have the ability to change what you feel and what you think. “When many demons are struggling inside you, the one that you feed is the one that will become the strongest. You alone are responsible for what you feed.” -Wendyy Edyoku Nakao Roshi. There are already enough people who will criticize you-- there’s no need to add yourself to their ranks. Be your loudest cheerleader. You deserve a champion.

This one took me awhile to get better at. I do my best to live by those words though-- “You alone are responsible for what you feed.” There’s literally zero need to feed the monsters in your brain that work against you. It’s just illogical. And that’s what helps me remember that most, honestly. Focusing on the logic, running through it in my head, or hey, aloud on a bad enough day. For example: “Is it my fault that ‘A’ happened to me, or that it lead to ‘B’? No. Do I need to dwell on the unnecessary guilt I feel over ‘A’? No. Is it helpful? No. Will it change anything? No. Okay then. Let’s opt for a different course of action, in that case.”

Another important thing to keep in your mind is perspective. If you can keep your perspective in relatively accurate proportion to reality, then your life will get much easier and better overall. A good question to ask yourself is “Is this going to matter in a year?” If not, then don’t spend more than five minutes worrying about it. You cannot focus on what you can’t control, after all. Give yourself a few minutes to get out the panic response, and then take a breath. And return to the present moment.

One of the ways I recenter my perspective when it spins out, which I freely admit mine still does from time to time, is by reminding myself of what I’ve already survived and gotten through. Chances are, I’ve already been through something worse than whatever I’m facing in the moment that has me panicking, distorting my perspective. If you make sure to refocus your perspective before moving on to the problem solving stage, your response to the situation will be more balanced and appropriate.

Just as important as keeping on top of the negative reactions, is keeping the positive in mind. “You, yourself, are the eternal energy which appears as this Universe. You didn’t come into this world; you came out of it. Like a wave from ocean.” -Alan Watts. You are just as important as anyone else, you are a projection of the universe, a part of the cosmic flow. The universe would never be the same again without you playing your part by living your life the best you can. And who are you to cut a piece of the universe out and extinguish that light? You belong here-- “You didn’t come into this world; you came out of it.” Like a tree sapling bursting through the heavy layers of topsoil in the forest, only to grow mighty and integral over time as we travel on this orb around a star.

Remembering that I have a place in the multiverse is incredibly helpful for me. After all, if, again, turning to logic, if you take one variable out of an equation, the entire equation changes and the solution collapses. I am a part of the balance. You are a part of the balance. And if even one more little piece of the cosmic puzzle tries a little harder, does their best to be all they can be, it slowly improves the entire tapestry. Every thread has the ability to better the whole.