Changing Truth

Have you ever been worried about the future? What if I told you, the reason you are so uneasy is because of something you were actually, resisting? What if I told you, there was a way to free yourself of that occasional worry that seamlessly, likes to follow behind your troublesome thoughts.

The worries that arrive each time that you have to think about a major change taking place in your life. The right moves to make, that would better your life and the future ahead. Interested yet? If this sounds familiar, then welcome. My story might just shift the way you perceive life and its drastic changes, forever.

Kids, stubborn little things, aren’t they? I think we all can agree, kids, are not known to come into the world with a rule book on life. We all start the same way, stuck in child’s play, with our heads still stuck in the clouds. It’s our parents and our life experiences, that is to teach us right from wrong. If you were anything like me when I was a child? You carried around your stubborn traits like a suit of armor.

Growing up, these traits held a firm grip on my strongest, most innate, morals and beliefs, and oh boy! My mother soon realized, pretty quickly; she was going to have her hands full for the rest of her life. I managed to carry my stubborn ways long after childhood and into my early young adult years. I wasn’t a bad kid; I was shy and somewhat anti-social. I had a small group of friends in my day-to-day living.

The others, online, like a pen pal, I had connected with some life-long friends through online gaming, and surprisingly? We all still check on each other from time to time, even to this day, 10 years later. I always felt misunderstood growing up. Lost, in my very own little world, between dreams and reality. Things were simple for me, just, easier there. Where there was more than plenty of time to accomplish anything! No critics, no judgment, no insults or hypocrites trying to tell you something that they know, but couldn’t possibly know, or even begin to understand themselves. I was very quiet.

Over time, I became friends with my pride, unaware of my problems and the effects that they, would have and play, on my near future. That it would become the root issue of a big, life-changing moment for me. A turning point, that forced my life, and me, to change forever.

Love, yes, love has its rightful place in the story, as it deserves. But hey, come on, you had to have seen that one coming? I had been stable, strong, opinionated, the kind of “I don’t need your help or anyone’s help” kind of attitude. Unaware of an underlining problem that, up until now? Would become all but a distant memory. A lesson about life hidden in fear, that one day I would have to finally face.

Harboring a deep-rooted fear of loss and change. Stubborn I was, determined for success. I became a workaholic, working 3 jobs. I didn’t have time for a change of mind. But, you see, if you don’t change? Well, life sweetie? Life will do it for you.

That was when everything changed. Face to face with everything I had been running, unconsciously, away from. The only thing that could provoke my fear and change it? Him, he happened.

Like a tiny pebble, causing a ripple through every idea or belief I have ever known. I fell in love, head over heels in love. Like no one else ever before in my life. He broke through the silent lie. I was happy, I was so happy. He had managed to slip through the cracks and you know what? I loved it. Right up until the very day, life decided it was time for a long-overdue change and a huge wake-up call.

Ripping and tearing my world into mere fragments, my identity lost to a simple but hard truth. Stuck, between my truth and the actual truth, lost to who I was and wasn't. Traumatized, at the bigger picture of it all. Everything I've ever known, now giving way to the realization of my own, faulty reality. Leaving me with an unawareness of my pain, and watching everything that I thought I loved, crumble before my very eyes.

My fake little fantasy world was built to protect my fragile heart. I had expert skills in ways of coping with how I felt, so much? I became unaware that there was ever a problem, running from deep-rooted fear around change and the power it had, the damage it could do to everything I loved, everything I was raised to believe.

You see, when we are left with a choice and forced to face our truths, we then, find the power to trust in a world that is always going to keep changing. To then let go, and learn to accept that anything could happen, is the moment you realize you can overcome uncertainty. Because, change was never a way to trap us in but more so, of the way to be completely free.

The earth is always changing, and because I let my fear cloud an opened mind, I wasn’t prepared. My story holds events to a very short time frame, which most would experience in a lifetime. The betrayal of loved ones, loss of a close pet, a broken arm, drugs, homelessness, abuse, extreme weight loss in a very, unhealthy, short amount of time, nights in tents, and running away with and from myself. All because the world went on without me.

The world was changing fast, and love, well love is what helped me realize I could stop resisting, that I could evolve with it. Because when you have to choose, I hope you choose yourself. I hope you find that change is better than anything you could have already known. The life and the person you want to become have always been there, the question is, can you choose to face the changes? And finally, discover your truth?