But, how are you REALLY feeling?

Remember when I wrote 'Today, it hit me?'

That was a gentle slap in the face.

Today I have been walloped across the back of the head and kicked in my flabby stomach with a pair of heavy duty steel toe cap boots.

I'm not okay.

I wanted to keep this writing project of mine as positive as the global situation is letting us be right now. Usually I'm the 'seeing the sunny side of every situation' kinda lassie, but we all know that can't always be the case. And today really wasn't one of those days.

I'm not fed up of being stuck indoors - I have a to-do list as long as my 5 foot 1 and a half inches body - but finding the motivation to complete even the most basic jobs is really tough.

There's definitely two sides (typical Gemini, some might cry) to me at the best of times - I call them Motivational Me and the Procrastination Queen - and it has become evident over the past week and a half that Procrastination Queen has well and truly taken over.

When Motivational Me puts her mind to a task, she will get it done, nae bother at all. But there's always danger as Procrastination Queen jumps in with her 'The quicker you do whatever it is you're planning, the quicker you can get back to watching that docudrama thing or playing that stupid game on your phone or scrolling through social media' chat. Motivational Me likes the sound of that, honestly she can be a lazy bitch 95% of the time, so she works solildy till the job is done and as reward takes a break that's twice as long! Then, she loses track of what she was supposed to be doing next and Procrastination Queen chimes in... 'Oh look it's 2.12pm, let's just have a break till 3pm, on the hour exactly.' Because it's a fresh hour and a nice round number and an even time is a better time to start the next task than an odd time is isn't it? SEE, THERE'S LOGIC THERE. Just relaaaax..... Next thing it's 9pm and that's a whole day wasted doing nothing else productive or helpful. She thinks that because we have nowhere to go and nowhere to be, chores can take as long as they want, or can be spread out over as many days as she wants. And that kind of thinking has pushed Motivational Me into the dark abyss, which has made Regular Me sad.

Regular Me feels like she can't do anything without an incentive at the other end, which is definitely not a healthy way for me to live in my own personal space. Incentives are great for the odd wee thingybob, but not for everything. I'm going to end up like Monica in that episode of Friends where she keeps uping the stakes and placing wild bets on stupidly outrageous and unnecessary things - You can sit and watch one episode of Insert Good TV Programme Here That Lasts An Hour once you wash, dry and put the dishes away. You can sit and watch the next Marvel Movie once you've hoovered the flat. You can have a glass of An Alcoholic Beverage once you've taken the bin out.

I never thought like this. Now, it's become the norm.

I need to get some kind of semblance back in order here. Procrastination Queen cannot and will not be my go-to mentality.

I have made lists and tick boxes. I will stick to them. I have goals. I will achieve them. I will not live in a clutter filled flat. It will be decluttered, cleaned and organised. And if I really need incentives to get things done then I will change them up and find better (dare I say healthier?) ones. You must drink two glasses of water while cleaning the bathroom. Hung up all the washing? Nice one, now you can have an apple and a timed 15 minute sit down. Cleaned out that drawer? Fab, have a sing through of a new song you're learning for that new 30 day Musical Theatre Challenge you're writing (more on that later...)

If getting strict is the only way to get me out of this funk and to get things done - I'll go there. My Mum is working from home right now and has set up her 'office' in my bedroom. She won't go anywhere near the living room because she knows that if she goes in there, she'll sit in front of the telly and not move. I'll be taking a leaf out of her book from tomorrow. I've got Spotify playlists ready - they can be my motivation. My get up and go. Music always finds a way of getting me enthusiastic about something! Maybe I need to make more playlists... tailor them to my motivational needs... Musical hits on one, Classic 90s bops on another, oh, Sing-A-Longs are always good when hoovering... OH GOD SHE'S GONE OFF ON ONE AGAIN! Reign it in, Procrastination Babe.

Sorry. See how she just meanders in and out of the conversation?!

Stay Safe, you beautiful people.

And if anyone else's Procrastination Queens need a good talking to, make them read this.

❤️