Breaking the Habit

Ever tried to kick a bad habit and found you just couldn’t do it? Me too. Doing it right now actually: trying to kick my nicotine habit. Let’s break it down.

Day 0

I tried to quit cold turkey. I had before so I figured I could do it again. Before, however, I had been pregnant. I had strong motivation to quit. This time, with no bun in the oven, I had no inside force driving me. But, I had determination to be healthier. For myself. So, I smoked my last cigarette and ate so much food that first night I was almost sick.

Day 1

I woke up Tuesday morning and cried. Cried like I was having an anxiety attack I wanted a cigarette so bad. “I don’t care if I die at 65.” I just wanted one. I was irritable, snappy, and impatient, just like every other time I had tried to quit cold turkey. So, I got a little outside help. Step number one to success? Grab a partner. Someone that can be a support but will also keep you honest. Someone who can help you with accountability. So, the new plan, devised by my partner, was to get one more pack but ration them out. Ten for Tuesday. Six for Wednesday. Four for Thursday. None for Friday. Step number two: expect setbacks. Then, don’t beat yourself up over them. It’s going to happen; we are only human. We must remember the child within us in these moments, and care for that child gently and patiently. We are trying. Expect frustration though. By 3:30 pm that day I was already down to four cigarettes. At 6:00 pm I was down to two! At that point, I started breaking my cigarettes down into two sessions. By that I mean I lit a cigarette, took a couple hits, and then still had part of cigarette for when I wanted one later. That stretched my last two out a little bit more.

Day 2

Today I am just as agitated as I am every other day and more so knowing I can’t have a cigarette whenever I please. I’m fighting the urges to eat everything in the kitchen and my body, it seems, must be in constant motion. I have felt the need to be constantly doing something and it’s irritating me too. I want to be able to relax and enjoy these days with my family and I am still unable to grab hold of that peace I am so desperately trying to catch. I can feel it. See it almost, even. But it is still unobtainable. Remember those steps for success we talked about? Step number three is finding a suitable replacement habit. So far, I have only found an unsuitable habit and that is eating. So tomorrow the plan is to find a healthy habit or two to replace smoking. Wish me luck!

Day 3

I knew my plan was doomed when I was out of cigarettes by noon. I had rationed out four but did not slow my intake them. When I went to therapy and told my doctor I had quit that day his first thought and question was “Why?” Not that he doesn’t want me to be healthy, but that according to his rationale, quitting my job and going into the holidays is not the best time to quit and my strategy needed tweaking a little. I may not be back to square one, but I do have a much more attainable goal in mind that will hopefully be easer to manage.

Day 4

Today is Friday and while my original plan is not in place, I feel satisfied that I still have a goal in place that I am succeeding at. I am down to ten cigarettes or less a day instead of the 20+ I was smoking a day, so I’d say I’m making progress! Remember, no one is perfect. When setting goals, start small. Take baby steps to get there and reach each goal with a proud determination. We can do anything we set our minds to. We only need to believe we have the strength to do so.