body art.

This is my tattoo. My first piece of body art.

You see my tattoo, as probably a majority of everybody else’s tattoos, has very special meaning. As you see in the picture above my tattoo reads “fight the good fight.” This tattoo is based off of a verse that can be found in ancient book called The Bible.

See, I now believe that I was chosen for a purpose. That I am called to do something meaningful in this world. Experience has taught me that if keep pursuing Him, nothing that I go through will be too much for me to handle. That is that basis for this tattoo. That I will keep on keeping on, no matter what. That I will press on no matter what is going on my life because as that cliche says… I’ve survived one hundred precent of my worst days.

If you look closely at that tattoo and that picture it's beautiful, but underneath it all I see the scars. Where truly the beginning of the hurt that I felt so deeply inside matched the outside pain that you could now see. I wanted it to be so true in my mind: people could see and start to understand. People however, didn't understand. They didn't see it as an extension of my pain, as it was, they saw a cry for attention. They didn't see me anymore, I was now just a girl that cut. They didn’t see me as that talkative, outgoing teenager I used to be. Now that vision of me would always be clouded by the horizontal and especially vertical lines down my wrists.

Alienated from even my closet of friends, forced into friendship with a blade was what my life had turned into. It was a blur to be honest, and I don’t want to take the time right now to get into it, but it was a hard time. It was a time of great depression and an agony I don’t really even know how to put into words that I’m still grieving today.

But there was a turning point. A moment when time stood still. It was a time of clarity after an almost fatal attempt; that reminded me that I needed to stick around. I needed to keep fighting the good fight. That my life was in fact that: a fight.

I now stood a strong warrior; ready for battle. It would take everything that I have within me to even just stand, but that’s what I would do: stand up and fight. I was fighting a fight for my life, that I was losing, but I was still fighting and I think that was the point. I decided to keep fighting.

Deciding to fight was a turning point in my life. It changed my outlook and view on life. I was brave, or rather He made me brave. These scars that represent my internal struggle on showcase for the world to see now are covered by words that remind me daily that I am here to fight the good fight. That I am called to live, not just survive. Not only am I fighting a fight, it's a good fight.

This tattoo means something so special to me. Not only is it a reminder to keep on trekking on no matter what is going on, but it’s a remembrance that I am stronger than those scars it covers. That those scars don’t define me, they’ve refined me. They are lessons not a legacy.