Before

Before i got sick I would. Before I got sick I was able to, before I got sick I remember. The thoughts and memories of what seemed to be a distant past were plagued with a repetitive cycle of ruminating thoughts of a better time.

I took pride in the ability to challenge myself physically, and mentally, I began to understand what I was truly capable of through that rigouris practice of challenging myself. I took up boxing, I took up running, I took up an instrument. I became a boxing instructor, I completed my first 5k, and I wrote a song. For most these accomplishments seemed trivial but not for me. For a majority of my life I never took that chance. Always letting doubt and people's opinions get the better of me. “I can't do that, why should I even try.” “ You suck.” “you're unfit.” “can you do anything?”

Finally I reached a point in my life where I became brave enough to bypass the doubting and those who doubted me. To whoever's reading this I'd like to take a moment and apply a small bit of advice from my experience. “It's not the fact that other people think what they think about you, it's the fact that you believe it.” please revel in those small accomplishments you set for yourself, please be relentless in the pursuit no matter how small.

At this point in my life I had hit an amazing self appointed benchmark with the aforementioned goals. I really hit my stride. Had i seen what was coming next i would have bailed instead of letting it spoil the pot

I was working at a job that took complete advantage of me. Here I was promising myself to adhere to self gratification at the same time allowing this toxic work environment to take me down day by day. I worked for a bank that essentially told you to check your morality at the door, and sell products no matter what. I tried my best to hold fast to my principals but doing so meant termination. Through long days and months I began to deteriorate, eating more, sleeping less, and stressing endlessly. That and getting robbed at the teller line brought my immune system down to an all time low.

I was diagnosed with lyme and every tick borne illness you can think of. At first i thought ok not bad i had this before i'll take some antibiotics and be back on my feet. I didn't know how wrong i was

I can't rightfully speak for other people, in terms of their lyme or other autoimmune disease. But i can say it was a hellacious slow torture. I couldn't move, bed ridden for months, headaches, and pain from head to toe. Fatigue that felt like I was hit by a bus each morning. I couldn't think, I barely wanted to talk. I felt like a stranger in my own body

It's been years of treatment, ups and downs, but somewhere along the way through immense hard work and mentally fortitude I established my connection with my own ability, and the ability to achieve whatever I could.

It was hard. Some days were better than others. But hurdles where hurdles, they will always be in your way but they can always be cleared, one way or another.

After years I am slowly gaining back my confidence, I am recovering and currently on track to complete another 5k and beyond. I picked my bass back up and started learning some new music. But more importantly I felt like I needed to pick back up my oldest past time; writing. I loved to write when I was younger, somewhere along the way I allowed negativity to tarnish that passion,but I realize I owe it to myself to at the very least try. And that's why I'm here writing and striving. This piece I can't really say is about one particular passion but about passion itself. Please don't wait, and definitely don't wait till you're sick to do something you love. Work on your passions in life and I truly believe everything else will fall into place. Good luck to all and happy writing.