Be Your Own Advocate

When you're someone like me, that has been dealing with social anxiety your entire life work life can be pretty tiring. You have to go in almost everyday, socialize, and go through the trials of being an adult. One of those trials is dealing with bosses.

Now bosses come in all shapes and sizes, some are kind, some are strict, and some simply don't care. It can be hard to deal with some times. For someone who suffers from social anxiety it can actually be physically exhausting. I speak from personal experience when I say that a normal person and a person with social anxiety treat work life differently. I know people who have to go home and take a nap after work, and I know people who can work, go home, and cook and clean and deal with children running around the house.

I work for a clinical therapy business. They do counseling and work out in the community. People are coming in and out of the office all day long, and I constantly have to converse when I leave my office. If I had it my way I would probably never leave my office for however long I'm working that day. I get to make my own hours so I work the most hours on the weekends when the office is closed.

My boss/supervisor is extremely nice and accommodating to everyone's needs. It's very easy to work for her, and trust me, I work my ass off everyday that I'm there. Despite the fact that she is kind to everyone, that doesn't make talking to her any easier for me. I constantly worry about asking for things from her, especially when it comes time for employee evaluations. Employee Evaluations also mean it's time for the bosses to consider things like raises.

In my first two years working at this company I did not ask for a raise, ever. I accepted what my pay was and I didn't complain about it. I was only 19 and I wasn't living alone and my mom was extremely helpful in keeping me from sleeping on the streets. She helped pay my rent over and over again and made sure that I didn't go hungry. I was not making enough to keep myself healthy. Still, I did not complain. Simply, I was not my own advocate. My very first raise was suggested by my mother who also works for the same company and is a salary worker.

Eventually I realized that if I never spoke up for myself I would never get what I deserved. I had been working there since I was 19 and it didn't seem fair the pay that I was getting. I was absolutely terrified to bring it up to anyone because you always create the most terrible outcomes in your head whenever you consider making a big decision. This goes for almost anyone working in the adult world.

After awhile, and a lot of tearful nights and talks with my mom, and my therapist, I gained a very useful piece of advice "You have to be your own advocate."

What this means is that sometimes you have to speak up for yourself. You have to tell people what you think you deserve even if the rest of the world disagrees with you. You can tell yourself over and over that you deserve a raise, you can even come up with many reasons why you deserve a raise, but until you voice it out loud to someone who needs to listen you will never get what you deserve.

Maybe your boss will listen to you like mine did and give you a raise, or maybe they will say that they don't think they can or will give you a raise. Then you know that it is time to quite that job and find someplace that will treat you with the same respect that you deserve. Maybe it will go way or maybe it won't, but you will discover something about yourself that you never realized before.

You have a voice, and you have a right to what you deserve.

Maybe you're like me and think that you don't deserve something. I tell myself over and over and over again that I don't deserve something. I tell myself that I should be working harder, or I should be using my time more wisely, or I tell myself that no matter what I will never be enough. These are the toxic thoughts that many people like me who suffer from any kind of mental illness will retreat to. These are the reasons we tell ourselves not to speak up.

What I learned from being my own advocate is that I do deserve the things I want. When I take all the courage I have and tell my boss that I believe that I deserve a raise, any good boss will at the very least take it into consideration. Even if at the end of the day you don't get the raise that you asked for, you gained another step forward into being a strong, confident person.

Today was the second time that I have asked for a raise directly from my boss. Even though I had done it before I was shaking and near tears while I was talking with my boss. I managed to keep it together while we were talking. At the end of the meeting she agreed with everything that I said. She told me to fill out some paperwork and she would review it and we would move on from there. I never would have done it if I had not talked to both my therapist and my mom. They backed me up and agreed with me and gave me the courage to go forth and advocate for myself and my needs.

Having anxiety can be crippling. This lesson doesn't just apply to the world of working. Be your own advocate in relationships. Tell your partner your needs and desire. Do it in your friendships. Tell your friends that they hurt you when they did. Be your own advocate to yourself. Trust that you know what you deserve and that you deserve only the best things in life. Be your own advocate in every aspect of your life, and good things will come to you.