Ax Facts, Findings, and Fittings

Pack an ax, you won’t regret it. An ax is one of the most versatile tools of which humankind has ever conceived. At least one ax should be present at every social occasion. Much like a pearl inlayed lighter or an elegant silver card case, your ax may remain hidden from public appreciation, but rest assured, should the moment present itself for brandishing your ax, the admiring gaze of all who are present will be upon you.

“Stroll through the park? Pack an ax.”

“Office dinner with the partners? Pack an ax.”

“Custom car shopping? Pack an ax.”

The ax has been through so many revisions, across so many cultures, history has provided us ample variations on its design. As with the watch and the wallet, an afficionado of fashion and field work need not struggle with design limitations when choosing the most appropriate ax for accessorizing their outfit.

“Formal wear required? Pack a hatchet.”

“Getting away to the coast? Pack a tomahawk.”

I know what you are thinking. I hear it all time, from lawyers to therapists, they claim it’s crazy to suggest that everybody pack an ax. But they’re wrong, not wrong due to ignorance or naivete, they’re wrong because their perception of the ax is as archaic, inflexible, and only used by murderers on the edge of town. This perception requires reframing. Now let me stand this mischaracterization on end and chop away at the dead stuff to reveal the heartwood of understanding within.

The first ax was likely a stone bound to a stick with strips of animal hide. It was invented when early humans found their hands getting sore after holding a stone and pounding away with it. The addition of a handle increased the force and velocity of their swing while also minimizing the impact on their hand. You can experience this seemingly simple discovery at home:

Step one, don protective leather gloves (the kind you might wear to a wedding).

Step two, place an empty twelve ounce can on your kitchen counter.

Step three, without bending your elbow, slap sown on the can in an effort to crush it with a straight-armed, over-hand whack.

Step four, set up a new can and this time, allowing yourself to bend your elbow, provide a second over-hand whack.

Finally, grab your favorite tomahawk, hatchet, or ax, and set a third can up on the counter. Use the pole end of your tool, this is the flat part opposite the blade. Feel your elbow extend and release power, followed quickly by your wrist straightening, increasing your velocity, and finally the head impacting the can at the end of the handle.

Now set the cans side by side, which one received more force? Do you see? The handle, acting as a second elbow in addition to the one your arm came with, increases your overall power to smash your target!

“Cleaning up after a party? Pack an ax.”

Celebrated outdoor scholar, Mors Kochanski, has relied on his ax above any tool in his toolbox. Kochanski famously said, “The axe is the most important bush tool there is. Outside of fire, nothing may contribute to your comfort and leisure than a well chosen axe.” There are some important specifics to unpack from this statement from the author of Bushcraft: Outdoor Skills and Wilderness Survival. A “well chosen axe” implies that there are many varieties from which to choose, but more subtly, it implies that each user should possess a variety of their own. From your well curated personal collection you can select the best ax for your specific event. While one ax may be ideal for a college buddy’s bachelor party, your choice may differ for a trip to your local barber for a hot shave, and it may differ still when just checking the mailbox to see if your pen pal is okay.

A Note To The Reader: If, in the back of your mind, or at the horrifying forefront of your twisted imagination, you pictured a bloody murder scene at this hypothetical bachelor party; if you pictured arterial spray across the barber’s towel warmer; or if you saw your small town mailman with twenty six inches of well-oiled hickory protruding from a sucking chest wound, then we must continue to reframe what axes represent in your mind.

To contextualize the usefulness of the ax, let us briefly discuss some axes throughout history. Tenth century Hungarian warriors (don’t get hung up here, not all axes are war things) who once carried long handled, light axes are credited with their very specific tool migrating to central Europe by the fifteenth century. This is when we see our earliest example of what is known as the shepherd’s ax. These long handled, light axes were designed specifically to have a hammer end for pounding, a bladed end for chopping, to be the right length for use as a sturdy walking stick, and for the ax head to possess a rounded geometry that would fit comfortably in the shepherd’s hand. These axes often even had a metal tip on the bottom of the handle to assist them when crossing uneven terrain. Shepherds of the fifteenth century, solitary folk with ample time for crafting, often decorated these trusted tools and engraved their names on the handles, not unlike our monogrammed bath towels of today.

Just as a refined gentleman wouldn’t dream of an evening’s saunter about city streets without the company of his ash wood cane, who among us, having now learned of the shepherd’s axe, would think of setting out for a hike in the country without accessorizing our journey with a tool that could chop, pound, and steady us across many mind-clearing miles? I am as aware as the shepherds were, that their ax was designed with pastoral travel in mind. Kochanski might suggest we choose a different ax when camp comfort is our purpose. For this we must select from our bedroom wall, the forester’s axe.

From the twenty-centimeters of the diminutive quarter pound hand hatchet to the thirty-five-inch handle and five pounds of the mighty felling ax, the category of forest axes offers dozens of sizes and weights to accompany any affair. For instance, on every vacation since I was ten, I have packed a twenty-five-centimeter, half-pound hatchet in my toiletry kit. With this little fellow tucked back into my belt, I am made whole.

Recently, while walking the winter beaches of Maine, I happened across a young family who had acquired a fire permit with their vacation home. They had managed the collection of driftwood and even got a blaze going despite their obvious lack of familiarity with rustic recreation. The father happened to produce turkey dogs from his LL Bean tote bag just as I was passing their flickering flames. The mother chastised her spouse for revealing the healthy dogs without any means of cooking them over the fire. With a flash I caught the father’s eyes, offered him a wide-eyed stare of jubilation, then drew my hatchet from beneath my coat. As the mother sited my movement she dove in front of her son and daughter, all seated in the sand and preciously bundled in hats and mittens. I smiled at the father just as he was crossing his arms over his face. These folks required assistance reframing their perspective on the ever-handy ax and I was overjoyed that I could be there to provide it.

Removing the mask from my hatchet’s blade, I was able to split a lovely, sea smoothed piece of nearby driftwood into five eighteen-inch staves. I used the surgical sharpness of the blade to round and sharpen these staves into delightful hotdog roasting sticks that radiated with coastal charm. I placed these simple bushcraft offerings in the sand at several steps remove from the now thankful mother and still nervous father. I wiped my hatchet on my pants, carefully replaced the mask over the blade, and tucked the short handle back into my belt. Pleased with my handiwork and the opportunity to educate fellow beach combers on the handiness of the ax, I continued my stroll in search of treasure.

The forester’s ax is uniquely useful in a variety of situations as it is designed with a long, rounded edge on a flat, elongated ax head specifically for cutting wood across its grain. These axes are limitless in their chopping performance when it comes to wood and other natural materials. On one adventure I occasioned to use my toiletry hatchet for cutting up meat, fresh from the farmer’s markets of southern Germany. Whereas the thin delicate nature of your average chef knife makes it less than ideal for heavy chopping, and a cleaver is not always at hand, a clean ax can work wonders on processing fresh venison for an earthy mountain stew while traversing the foothills of the Alps.

A much larger forester’s ax, one that is twenty-five inches long and closer to three pounds, rides shotgun with me in my vehicle wherever I go. When I encountered a tree encumbering my escape from cleanup duties at a raucous farm dinner I’d attended, I couldn’t simply start up my chainsaw and alert the kind and generous farmers of my intentions to flee. With just ten well aimed swings, I had the small tree reduced to two large, but manageable pieces that I could drag off to the sides of their driveway. I was then free to continue my way home toward much needed recovery with a mimosa in my clawfoot bathtub. -And this was the second time my ever-cutting-companion contributed to that night out!

Upon first arriving to the evening’s revelry, the bonfire was a ten foot fountain of flames, pallets were piled and engulfed within, and the smells of freshly slaughtered highland cattle were coming from the smokers and grills ignited at the edge of the bonfire’s ring of light. When my host, who was operating the largest of the smokers, a huge oil drum with a chimney welded to it, mentioned that his woodchips had unfortunately ignited, not having been soaked in water for long enough prior to their use, and could I assist him with solving this problem, my ax was already in hand. It was his capable eye locating seasoned apple wood from amidst the firewood stacked behind the barn, and my forester’s axe that made quick work of chopping several logs into shavings ready to be soaked and smoked that saved the steaks. For the uninitiated, the delicate patina left on the lean cuts of highland cattle meat after four hours of apple wood smoking is truly something to behold.

The previously mentioned axes are rugged and feel right at home among the oceans, farms, and mountains of the Boreal zone. There are times, however, when urban environments and fancy dress are required of us. Lumped in with grand galas and formal attire there are also occasions when speed of travel and the weight of our personal burdens become our primary focus. So, whether I am spinning my partner on the dancefloor of the Waldorf or backpacking through the Grand Canyon, these occasions demand that I choose to trade in the previously discussed ax examples for the compact portability of the tomahawk. My favorite tomahawk to wear with my medium gray, two button, Milano fit jacket, with notched lapels, weighs in at a feathery four ounces and is just eight inches long.

It is widely maintained that the traditional steel tomahawk used by the first nations tribes of North America was adopted from the British navy’s boarding ax. These axes were designed for chopping through rigging and ship to ship conflicts and bore a dramatic spike on the pole end, opposite the blade. Other historians believe that the first tomahawks were adapted from trade axes, also brought to North America’s shores by Europeans. Trade axes were a very small ax, without a pole spike, and often worn on the belt. They introduced many indigenous people of North America to iron tools that would replace many of their traditional bone and stone tools that had been in heavy use prior to the sixteenth century.

A tomahawk was proffered over a full-size ax for people who frequently traveled far and fast to obtain food and supplies necessary for maintaining their family’s well-being. In our contemporary era of cities and proper attire, so too would the full-size ax be cumbersome. It is convenient and semi-compulsive for me to mention here that I have a special, more decorative tomahawk, with a three-ounce blued steel head on a tobacco stained six-inch hickory handle that carries elegantly in my cummerbund, making it not at all cumbersome when attending a black tie affair.

(Always check local laws for ax carry and abide by them fully.)

If you count yourself among those who value taste, culture, and charm whenever called upon to leave the soothing vapors rising from your porcelain tubs, then I suggest that you acquire a comprehensive ax selection. I suggest having at least as many axes as you have pocket squares. This is an approachable guideline to follow for those setting out to build a respectable ax menagerie. Once attained, you can present yourself at work, on vacation, and at social gatherings as a solution, and not as a contributor to life’s problems. For when you encounter unshelled walnuts over the holidays, pack an ax. For when the building is burning and loved ones remain inside, pack an ax. For when the padlock key could neither be found on its hook nor in the little bowl on your dresser, pack an ax. For when only five or six nails will secure the last board over the broken window on a drafty evening and nobody thought for a second to pack a hammer, because really, who would pack a hammer? You can be thankful and helpful because you thought to pack an ax.