Arriving Life

Upon arriving at this Garden, I found myself over come with a feeling of comfortability. I felt an overwhelming amount of déjà vu, although not in the typical sense. I felt like I had been in the presence of this energy a million times before then except I didn’t recognize one bit of its imagery. Rather recognition of a horrifyingly familiar vibration that had numbing properties, giving the environment an unescapable iridescent hue. It simply draws you in. The house we came to stay in was a historical structure standing in almost 150 years of age. The property was surrounded in the loveliest sunflowers. Thru the center of the property flowed a river trickled with color; reflecting with bursting hints of blue and green. It’s tucked away in the center of downtown Salt Lake City. You could feel the positivity shooting through the air like electricity. My first impressions of this place were noteworthy. There were so many pros; the obvious cons were covered in the shadow. My partners enjoy the place too. We find it easy to be creative and get our work accomplished here. The fruitful environment makes it easy to connect with the flow of creation. There was a loop we were stuck in before this; a constant disconnect in creative headspace. It was like throwing a couple of tin cans full of ideas into a garbage compactor. However, this environment has offered a fair and easy ground for us to sort that difference out. There was no place for it. Our differences will continue to be put under spot light; our bond truly tested, but we always overcome. We always find our even light. There is no doubt to me that there is magic in the air here. The spirits whisper in the wind that echoes thru the wooden window panes swinging on brass hinges. This styled window is one of the most pleasing for me to enjoy visually. In fact, I am staying in a room filled wall to wall with the same window. It is my favorite part of this experience thus far. I unpacked everything I had and made a place for myself in this room of windows. I made myself completely at home, and home is the word I would use to describe how being here makes me feel. Never have I had the privilege to stay in such a nice place, and it’s all thanks to my closest friends. They are the reason I am even here to begin with. Before this, I found myself in quite a sticky set of circumstances, and I saw no way out. They helped formulate my escape plan with me, and carried it out faithfully by my side, no questions asked. There was no hesitation on their end. They made me realize the truth; and without them I’d still be living in the garage of my ex and her family, who all share a sour taste for me. I would be better in a ditch. I would be better homeless. As I was, and may attest, that even that was a better position for me to be in. Just a few weeks before we arrived, I wandered through the near empty Vegas Strip my mind couldn’t help but wonder, and also worry about what I could have lost. I knew then and still do now, that this journey was a part of my path. I knew I had to detach. So why does my mind wander back to what ifs from my time with her? It’s hard for me to detach from the overall possibilities sometimes, even when I know my completed outcome is far from favorable. Unnecessary attachments are something I used to let control how I thought and how I lived my life. My mental health is something I take very important, without it I would have nothing. Regardless of what could have been I have already dug out the creek in which this water flows through. The ditches I’ve dug irrigate the fields I roam. All the bad things that have come from my internal struggles have led me to far greener pastures. Boy, are they green! Some fields are grey, but I can’t expect everything to stay the same. As one child is born, someone else has passed. Energy will continue to recycle and flow freely through this universe; that much is for certain. It was June when Carter came to my rescue, and at a moment I thought he would surely give up. I was quiet about my true status financially; rather I put on a façade. He drove straight from Colorado, where we intended to meet initially. It took a week of Carter telling me we had to leave, before my ex and her mother took it into their own hands. They kicked us out. With nowhere to go we retreated to Las Vegas, Nevada, only because the rates were cheap. We stayed a week there before Marcus came into the picture. After Carter and I picked Marcus, up from the Greyhound station, his first impression of Vegas was the drug addicted man being arrested for whatever chemical they were baring. What a sad world we live in. I suffer my own vice, and have been penalized by the light? Are we forced to suffer our own vices, an endless battle of caving inward or not? Or are we meant to become one with them, as we do with every other part of ourselves? Finding the balance between over indulgence and enjoyment can be a daunting task, especially given what our vice even is. Some vices aren’t meant to be acted upon, but it’s up for you to decide if it’s worth acting on to begin with.