Are We Stuck in Survival Mode?

• I only exercise at home now
• I've gained fat, lost muscle due to lack of movement
• I have a bigger appetite
• I haven't shopped in the mall or any other store besides grocery store.
• It's harder to find reasons to leave my house
• I don't socialize or go to bars
• Constantly judging myself for not having more going on in my life
• My routine is scattered , harder to be productive
• I have anxiety and fear about my future and aging faster due to depression
• Lack of goals and motivation
• None of my clothes fit because I've had to order them on-line.
• I feel uncapable of meeting new people now.
• Don't have many friends, so isolate too much.
• Adult Coloring has become my hobby at 43 years old.

As I look back at the last year that we have been living with this pandemic, I realize how much I have changed without even realizing it. I would not say for the better.

When we were all told to stay in doors and that most businesses would be shut down, I didn't realize how much it would affect who I am as a person. Everything I had been doing as a daily part of my life came to a halt, and I am having difficulties even remembering what they were or how to get back to a satisfying daily routine.

Even wearing a pair of jeans seems like such a waste of time because where am I going anyways? My daily outing these days includes walking around the neighborhood, visiting with my grandson or my children or going to the grocery store. How exciting(Not)!

I feel as though there's too many hours in the day if I'm not working a full time job and bad habits are bound too creep up. Taking a quick shower? Why should I? Constantly cleaning my house when I never leave it gets old and unfulfilling. Especially because I live alone. And how many hours can you walk and exercise in a day to feel content? For me, not enough.

I want to go out, go shopping at a cute little boutique, but feel unsure and claustrophobic with all the rules and regulations and the inconsistency of the stores business hours. I know I'm not the only one. I went to the movie theatre for the first time since the pandemic started and there was only 1 other couple in the theatre along with us. Its still pretty desolate out.

With fears of money and survival at a all time high for me, spending money on anything but essentials seems naïve and dangerous when the future looks so uncertain. It's as if I have given up on all the things that brought me such pleasure before. Or maybe I just forgot what they were over this last year. It's been about surviving.

What happens to our brains when we feel we need to go into survival mode? Isn't that what a pandemic does? Cause a panic for survival? Well, I researched it a little and they say that when we live in survival mode emotionally, we can come across as cold, callous and insensitive. This is because when we lock off our emotions we don’t have any to show. Although locking off our emotions and going into survival mode may protect our hearts, it also prevents us from feeling true happiness and joy. We forget how to laugh, play and be free.

When we live in survival mode because of trauma such as the pandemic the brain survival part of our brain begins reacting impulsively for self- preservation. Our normal problem solving skills are dimmed in the interest of immediate safety. It can be hard to know when you’re in survival mode – especially during prolonged periods of communal trauma, as with our global pandemic,

Some symptoms are:

• Lack of focus and motivation. Things are foggy and it’s harder to finish an activity.
• Can't remember the last time you did something for fun
• Fatigue in mind and body.
• Finding it difficult to leave the house.
• Neglecting basic needs like brushing your teeth, exercising, changing your sheets.
• Eating healthy
• Being impulsive – spending excessively, eating more, engaging in activities you
• don’t normally do.
• Nightmares - unable to sleep or sleeping too much
• Feeling of disconnection and isolation, causing fear and anxiety

With the vaccinations getting dispersed and the world slowly starting to open back up, we can begin to heal. Things we can do to help the healing process is:

• Prioritize the self care basics: Get enough sleep, eat enough, put on new clothes in the morning, find things you enjoy and make sure to do them.
• Be kind to yourself and be patient with the results. A year is a long time to have our normal lives be taken from us. Learning to reconnect with who we were will take time. For many of us, we will never be the same and so we must discover who we are now. Now that we have survived and are able to continue living our lives.
• Slowly go out in the world. Take a trip to the mall or park and, see how things are slowly returning to "normal"
• Plan a trip, get away so you can reset.
• Think of moving, a whole new start....
• Reach out to others, not just people you know. Get out of your comfort zone socially. (be safe and mindful of course)
• We are all going through this together so we are not alone when it comes to our fears and insecurities!!!

I plan on doing all these things on the list above starting with moving and beginning with a new start. I wish us all the best on our recovery and send my strength to those who still suffer. Remember there is a higher power out there, it is good and loving and synchronized with all of us. Our fears cannot change anything. The power to believe that we will be okay can change everything.