A Queen's Tale

They revere being a “Queen” on a day to day basis, but do they really know why that crown is heavy? It sits on the top of your head and at first the bedazzling sparkles of the jewels eclipse your eyesight and you are entranced just like everyone else. It looks so beautiful. The blue and red afterglow of the gems being projected on the World’s Canvas in front of your eyes are purely and utterly wonderful in your line of sight. It helps to take the mind off the crown. At first. Only at first.

Now, during this beautiful eclipse, there’s a feeling that something is missing. Unaware of what that could be when the world has never looked lovelier, you continue to stare in awe at how the colors dance with the light attempting to come through behind you. But then, the afterglow gets thicker ... the blue and red translucent dance is now turning opaque, opaque, opaque, and suddenly your neck feels a twinge of pain.. You’re forced to remain perfectly still as these colors become more prominent while people are propagating their particularly promising portrayals of you.

Perfect.

Your eyes shift trying to see them from all angles but your neck is a wreck and you can’t find the words to articulate how each proposition of your image is making you feel. The colors don’t shine bright, just solid, you can’t even dance with an illusion.

The force of the crown weighs down while you scrounge for the courage to encourage yourself to curate an illustrious exhibit for the people - otherwise the colors won’t dazzle - leaving you with the hassle of looking at least passable for the day. They didn’t notice. Meanwhile, you writhe inside under the strain of the pain from the crown engraving in your brain the pattern of its angelic designs. You wonder “Why?” Why did you not have these designs before the crown and were you as good as you thought before it? Were you good enough before it…? What if…you weren’t?

Now the crown is on and you have to fulfill these duties: be pretty, be nice, be funny. Be everything you saw Audrey Hepburn be, be confident in your sexuality while being classy, vocalize your thoughts, dreams, aspirations, but don’t rule with an iron fist (it isn’t satisfactory) and if you thought you were a beautiful diamond in the rough, there’s no room for feeling like you’re not enough.

Just like that, a crack from your back attacks your neck and you lack knowledge to regain your balance. The sharp pang of the fall shoots through your wrists, up your arms, and shocks your shoulders. Your knees feel the shards from the glass floor you were standing on. It cracks but doesn’t break completely. From here, you see the world beneath you and how high up you truly are, heights you didn’t dare to dream before, yet, here you are. How did this happen?

It appears the crown didn’t fall.

The colors on the wall are still opaque and despite you not facing the wall, the color still remains. Everyone claps and cheers as you're on all fours begging for a release; for someone to see past the colors, to see you, to understand, comfort you, and make you feel secure. But no one connects through the colors dancing on the World’s Canvas.

Broken doesn’t begin to describe how your body feels pulling yourself up, the winces of pain, the tears wiped away, wondering if you’ll ever be the same. Wondering if anyone can want you this way. Because how do you love a “Queen” who is pained everyday, falls behind closed doors, and yet...makes the World brighter all the more? Perhaps, it isn’t for anyone to come comfort or understand, perhaps it isn’t for someone else to make secure, perhaps all the strength that is inside of her is revered on a day to day basis because she is awesome, in the simplest ways, for what she creates.

With this in mind, you rock back on your feet. Red streams that match the colors dancing on the World’s Canvas run down your skin and suddenly you get it. The crick in your neck has subsided. The fall must have jostled it. In the pain you move freely as the crown sits pretty and the colors begin to change yet again, this time you see green, pink, red, and blue, which overlap and make a new purple hue. Somehow, the people below have quadrupled at this feat, more people have been reached. From the pain came understanding, security, and comfort, just not for a Queen…but from a Queen.

Maybe, just maybe, that's what makes the crown so heavy, because how many people can turn their life experiences into a beautiful creation for all to connect to without the anticipation of being connected to in return? Not many.