5 Ways to Heal After a Breakup

Healing after a breakup is difficult. The emotions that arise can be overwhelming and overpowering and often leave us feeling confused and alone. No one could possibly understand what we're going through. We often feel alone in our heartbreak, and this feeling can persist for weeks or even months before we find ourselves enjoying life as we once did.

These emotions can be stronger when we feel failure regarding the relationship. We can beat ourselves up over the things we did wrong, replaying old arguments over and over again in our heads. We question our decisions, our futures, and what we ever saw in the departed partner. We find ways to heal and move on eventually. But what about when you're a single parent and you have to put on a happy face? When you have little ones looking up to you it can be especially difficult to find the time and space for self-reflection, healing, and to cry it out.

I have been through this before. I'm not sure if that is a blessing or a curse. After trying to blend my family of four (myself and my three kiddos) with my boyfriend and his daughter, and failing, I have been facing an internal failure that is hard to put to words. I never wanted to be the mother with men coming and going from my children's lives, and I don't intend to be one now. But this newest failure weighs heavy on my broken heart. Lucky for me, I have retained some of the skills I used when my kiddos' dad and I separated and I have been utilizing these techniques to help me heal and move forward. I believe they have helped me to regain emotional stability more quickly and put on a happy face for the kids while I work on figuring out our futures. So, without further ado, here are 5 tips for healing after heartbreak. During the first weeks, these can be life-saving.

Hang in there, you've got this!

1. Make a Plan - Set Goals!

This one seems pretty self-explanatory, but it really helps. Sit down and write a plan. Set goals for yourself. Start with immediate, short-term goals, then add long-term goals and bigger dreams for your future. You can start with something as simple as washing the dishes, but set a goal and then work to complete that goal. You'll feel better crossing that off your list and feeling like you are making progress again.

2. Spend Time With Family

When my boyfriend and I separated, the only thing I wanted in the world was to hug my mom. So I strapped on my face mask, loaded my kids into the minivan, and drove 45 minutes to the city where my mom lives so I could buy her lunch and feel her arms around me. There is nothing more healing than a hug from your mother, so if you have the chance to go get one, definitely take advantage of it. Such a simple thing can do so much to help your heart, and it is the perfect opportunity to let your mother in if you have had a volatile or strained relationship.

3. Listen to Music and DANCE!!!

This one is so simple, but it works. Exercise produces endorphins, which make us feel happy. Whenever I'm feeling down, the kids and I have a "dance party". We blast the music and dance like fools through the house, and it puts me in a good mood no matter what. Sing along, dance like no one is watching, and just let it all out. It is really healing.

4. Sleep Meditation

One of the hardest things to get used to if you are coming out of a long-term relationship is sleeping alone. I didn't sleep longer than 2 consecutive hours for 9 days after my boyfriend moved out. I woke up at every little sound, I couldn't fall asleep at night, and I woke before the sun rose every morning, unable to fall back asleep. I changed all this by starting sleep meditations. I decided positive affirmations and calming music were better than my endless cyclone of thoughts and self-deprecation, so I tuned in to one of my new favorite YouTube channels and I have been doing sleep meditation ever since. I finally have found a way to fall asleep, and I wake up feeling energized and positive every morning.

5. Write About It

Start a journal. Or grab some scrap paper. Write your feelings about the situation. This can be a letter to yourself, a letter to your ex, a list of pros and cons, a rambling mess about all the crazy things you're feeling, and what the other person did wrong. It doesn't matter. Write it down. It helps to get it all out. Even if no one ever sees these thoughts (and honestly, they probably shouldn't), just writing it down gives you a feeling of release and relief.

Sometimes it feels like the world is ending. Like we can't see the way through. Even if we know there has to be one. But please know you are not alone. There are so many of us going through the same thing. I hope these tips help you to heal as you move through a difficult period in your life. If you have any suggestions for other self-care tips as you heal after a breakup, please leave a comment below.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”― Albert Einstein

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