5 Ways To Control Self-doubt By Building A Healthy Relationship With Yourself

Self-doubt has the power to hold us back.

I spent most of my life doubting myself, my capabilities.

I knew I was hard-working and had a vision. I was sure if I worked on a plan and worked hard, and I could live that vision and reach my highest potential.

But one thing that kept me throwing off the track; was my own self-doubt.

When I looked deeper, I learned that the only person who was coming in my way to live a fulfilling life was myself.

Here’s how I managed to get rid of the self-doubt by building a healthy relationship with myself. It allowed me to take control of my life and lower down the negative whisper.

1. Know Yourself

If you’re a runner and you doubt yourself for your singing skills, then you’re surely going to get hurt. If you doubt yourself for something you’re not and something you haven’t done, be sure of the disappointment.

Self-awareness allows you to see all your blind spots and your strength. Explore yourself and find out your true personality. When you know who you are, you realize most of your doubts don’t have a spine are just random whispers in your head.

Tyrion Lannister once said, “Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”

You also need to know whether you doubt yourself for the right reasons because little self-doubt is essential for your growth. Too often, we’re not aware of who we are. If you learn about our weaknesses and strengths, we can always work to get better.

When you observe yourself closely, you find an extraordinary person covered under insecurity and low self-esteem. You find your own happy place, and what’s astonishing is that it was always there, even when you were searching for it in others.

Few ways to know more about yourself

If you’re going through self-doubt, spend 10 minutes every day and write about what’s causing you to doubt yourself. Is it your mindset or your skillset? Journaling can help you see a clear picture.

Watch your thoughts. Are you having more negative thoughts about yourself or positive? Research says that 95% of our thoughts are repeated from the day before. Another study done by Cornell University claims that 97% of our worries are baseless and result from our pessimistic approach. These thoughts can reveal a lot about yourself.

2. Self-Acceptance

Psychologist Leon F Seltzer explains self-acceptance as a likeness for ourselves saves us from the self-judgment.

I personally struggled to accept that I was bad at maths, but once I accepted and gave up trying to mug formulas and solve equations, I found that I was interested in arts and design. If I hadn’t accepted it, I wouldn’t be able to leave engineering and study design in my dream college.

Trying and failing is an integral part of life.

Accept that you’ve failed. Accept that you’re not meant for that job you’ve been dying to get for years or that person who’s been begging to stay with you forever. Most importantly, accept yourself for who you are.

Once we accept our reality, we can focus on what we want to do next.

“What self-acceptance does is open up more possibilities of succeeding because you aren’t fighting yourself along the way.”

— Shannon Ables

3. Appreciation

Who doesn’t love compliments?

Everyone craves attention and appreciation from others, including yourself. Treat yourself like you’d treat your best friend and make it a regular habit.

If you start appreciating yourself for the efforts and for the work you're putting in, you will cut loose of the fear that’s gripping you.

Self-appreciation also leads to better self-esteem. It allows you to start to believe in yourself. According to self-esteem expert Morris Rosenberg, our attitude towards ourselves define our self-esteem.

When you start appreciating yourself and patting your back, you create positive motivation.

Few simple steps for self-appreciation

• Celebrating your little wins and rewarding yourself when you reach a milestone.
• Appreciate your efforts as much you appreciate the result.

Learn to be your own cheerleader and not a critic.

4. Build A Healthy Relationship With Yourself

There was one person who’s been dealing with your shit for eternity. That person has been with you since day 1; he/she knows you in and out about you and is saving you from all the pain and suffering.

Do you know who that person is? That person is no one else but you.

Man is a social animal. We crave attention, we crave love, and we need companionship. Depending on others for all of these will eventually make you a parasite. You need to make self-love the pillar of your life and cultivate a strong relationship with yourself.

This will make you independent and strong during difficult times.

Your relationship with yourself will also set an example of how other relationships in your life evolve. If you don’t respect yourself, you’ll likely find friends and a spouse who don’t respect you, only because you’re familiar with that behavior even though it’s not good for you.

Psychologist Albert Bandura’s self-efficacy theory demonstrates the importance of our perception of ourselves and our capabilities affecting our chances of success.

Pro-tips to build a positive relationship with yourself

• Treat yourself like you’d treat someone you love. We don’t call our mothers or our children losers, but we do that with ourselves. Whenever you find yourself in such a situation, try to conjure your loved one in your place.

• Spend some time alone. Me-time can allow you to understand your needs and your heart and lead towards a healthier self-relationship.

• If you’ve failed a test or lost a client, try to be kind to yourself. Give yourself another chance.

“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself.”

5. Positive Self Talk

The importance of positive self-talk can’t be denied. A person who thinks “I can’t do it” doubts himself more than the person who thinks, “I have got this.”

I am not good enough.

I can never write as good as them.

I hate myself!

We often don’t realize it, but we talk to ourselves the most in our respective lives. If this is how you regularly talk to yourself, you need to change that immediately.

That faint voice in your head, which you usually ignore…controls you!

I can do this

I am so proud of myself.

I am going to give my best

I love myself

Talk to yourself like you’re talking to your best friend. Whatever we say to ourselves is either taken to our conscious mind and applied in various behaviors or actions or is taken to our subconscious mind, where it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It really works.

So think before you call yourself a loser next time.

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”

— William Shakespeare

Isn’t the world already enough to doubt us?

Let’s try to be embrace who we are and let go of the doubt that’s suffocating our growth.