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Entering the ring on the left is Heart, entering the ring on the right is Mind.

Mom burned my brother's hand because he stole money out of her wallet, as his hand settled on top of the stove, he was smiling out of ego but a few seconds later he started screaming and mumbling words that my mom needed clarity on, so she didn't let up, until he said those words clearly: "I am sorry mom" she let his hand go, and imminently threw it on a bowl full of milk. At the time, I didn't see the bowl of milk waiting in the sink, it was out of sight, all I saw was anger and disappointment in her eyes, fear in his. He never stole a penny from no one again.

At the peak of that mountain I saw nothing but distance, miles of the unknown and rain of confusion; that mountain became my home, my worst and best, it became the source of nothing but the need of everything.

When I was 28, I left everything I knew, everything I no longer needed for something that I would've died for, something I didn't understand but that my soul craved so deeply that I almost became blindsided by the same. I was pulled from my reality, into a state of darkness, a state of questions without answers, a state where all of me furiously shattered unto the floor until there was nothing but blood in my veins and air in my lungs.

Self, career, money, love and everything else that comes with humanity was strip from me; barely sleeping, barely eating, barely wanting to wake up, my emotions were watered down to empty spaces filled with wonder and frustration; an empty vessel that needed to be filled. I was force to surrender, force to sit down and wait, wait for clarity, wait for feelings, wait for change.

The months went, more questions without answers, more confusion and more heartache but no resolution, no escape, no change. I was ready to give up, I had surrender my sanity but not Ego, and I wish someone would had told me that the amount of patience one must have while awakening, must be greater then infinity, the struggle to surrender Ego was a battle I fought with blood, tears, shame, guilt, insanity, ugliness, malice and everything you can think of using while in war.

Ego lost control when I found me. Ego was given a job, to pick sunflowers and so my darkness became light, my questions began finding answers, I started gluing the beautiful pieces that had shattered unto the floor together once more, but this time while making them, golden joinery or in Japanese; Kintsugi.

XOXO

Lucy