The Magic of Absence

Wherever there is light, we can see. It is the light that enables us to interact in the world we live in. Building relationships and forming a society has been possible because the world is filled with light. The concept of what we see has always been easy to assimilate. We understand the world through everything our senses perceive. We see the Sun, pouring its immense power onto our world, and we comprehend how tiny we are beneath it. We feel the rain falling incessantly, and we hear its tireless rumbling on the many surfaces that dare to challenge it, thus understanding the true value of patience. We don't merely nourish ourselves to satisfy hunger; we seek to please our taste buds in every meal, and even before that, our sense of smell, which skillfully describes the future that awaits our taste buds.

The concept of what we see is and will always be, just as it has been throughout our history, the foundation of our knowledge. Without going too far, biblical Christianity affirms that God IS, and there is no conceivable notion of the Creator not existing.

What happens then in the absence of something? The Romans, despite all their advancements and the vast expansion of their empire, did not conceive the concept of mathematical zero. The idea of nothingness is not natural for human beings. Can we even imagine a time before the existence of the Universe? Can we construct in our minds the idea of a world where time and space were merely promises of a distant future? Our imagination is incredibly limited to what we can know and perceive of the world. Every work of fiction is nothing more than a different version of the real world to which we are eternally anchored.

And yet, there are many occasions where the concept of nothingness or absence can fill our lives with emotions and ideas that seem to stem from an infinite void. This is how the concept of magic is born. Magic is nothing more than a creative way for the mind to explain something whose method is unknown to us. Although nowadays we associate it more with fantasy and fictional worlds, magic was possibly the explanation that many ancient civilizations attributed to the tools or weapons used by their conquerors.

Magic can be many things. In my case, magic was born when I was four years old. At such a young age, with a developing brain, our world is much smaller than it will be for the rest of our lives. Therefore, my world largely consisted of my mother and father. They were there for me since I was born. I never knew a world where both figures didn't watch over my needs; the idea of an alternate reality where either of them wasn't present never even crossed my mind. The concept of zero was unnecessary. But, as with everything in life, change comes whether we are ready or not. One day, I lived in a home with my father, mother, and little brother, and the next day, emptiness was born.

One afternoon, my father packed his bags to leave our house. Innocently, I asked him, "Where are we going?" and perhaps thinking that it would spare me unnecessary pain, he explained that he would be leaving for some time due to work. Maybe if he had been honest, I would have understood his absence much quicker, but the pain was inevitable.

Over the years, the pain caused by emptiness diminished considerably to the point where it is now only an echo of a distant past. However, its effects are like the endless aftershocks of tectonic plates after a terrible earthquake. Because the moment the concept of nothingness appeared, magic also appeared. Magic, along with my mother, shaped the person I am today. The absence of a father became my father. And that absence taught me many things, some good and some bad. It taught me how abandonment can be painful, how our actions and irresponsibility can hurt others. It also taught me not to depend on others in any way. Unfortunately, it also taught me negative things, such as not knowing how to depend on others. My magic became distrust, social anxiety, the absence of guidance that made me wander aimlessly in a dark and unfamiliar world. Magic that gradually created resentment within me, detached itself from its origin, and became an intrinsic part of my very being.

Abandonment was the upbringing my father chose to give me, the void of his presence the lesson I had during my adolescence, and the experience of loneliness the legacy and inheritance I receive in my adulthood.