When I ventured to the Local Chinese Massage Shop

So a bit of a fun story for anyone who has a spare 36 seconds

...at my local shops there’s a “genuine Chinese” massage there..I resisted a visit there for awhile, as why do you have to mention you’re “genuine”...is there a “not-so-genuine Chinese massage nearby? Anyways...one day I relented.

I’ve had some pretty decent back pain for years and it was finally time to try and sort it - The staff at the shop reminded me of International Qantas flight attendants....experienced, professional but somewhat over it and you could see it on their faces. The staff were diminutive in stature, but oh man could they bring the pain!!!! After experiencing a few of these sessions, I got used to the “genuine Chinese” way. That is ....crawling and walking over my back, karate chops and elbows. Surprisingly, I found it actually helped.

So today I walk in and expecting the same. Well not so. Today I was met by a man probably weighing in at 95-100kg and I didn’t catch his name but he looked like a “Steve”.

I could tell he was unimpressed because hs got to miss out massaging a pretty young lady that went in just before me. ‘Steve’ looked at me and I knew instantly, “Sweet Jesus..I’m in trouble”

‘Steve’ brought the pain and there was one moment he asked “ how’s the pressure?” and I mumbled “yeah that’s pretty good”, then I realised he hadn’t even started.

He soon found a spot with his elbow on my back that was near a broken rib that hasn’t quite completely healed - he applied so much pressure that I swear I ended up singing the riff from ‘Sweet Child 0’ Mine’

It’s funny, when you get a massage, that in order to not focus on the pain, your mind can drift...to random places (well mine does) ..today such things included:

- Does ‘Steve’ have anger issues ?

- Does IKEA still do the $7.99 Swedish Meatballs deal?

- Is INXS actually retiring from touring?

- My grocery list for the week

- I estimated when Steve was doing his ‘karate chops’ to loosen me up on my back, he was doing so at a speed of approx 94-96BPM (I even hummed a melody in time. Magic)

When all was said and done I walked out feeling pummelled, but somewhat better.(despite a limp) . I found my way to a nearby coffee shop when the lady serving me asked “are you alright sir ?” And I just nodded and said “I just had a genuine Chinese massage” and she smiled and said “i completely understand”.