To the World from My World

Dear world,

Where do I begin with what I wish to say? Well, first of all, I'm not exactly the most mature or sophisticated person out there and it's pretty clear to the annoyance of some and the amusement of others. Before I get too far off track, I'm just going to say it: I'm autistic. Technically, it's mild Asperger's Syndrome, but just keep in mind that I'm not like what everyone considers "normal" and not everyone who is on the autism spectrum sees the world the same way.

Before anyone tries to ask or make assumptions, this isn't me trying to label myself as a "precious snowflake" or whatever term is out there. If I'm going to be honest, which is the whole point of this message, my personal experience with being on the autism spectrum is a massive rollercoaster and I don't even know if a good amount of the experiences I had are because of me or because of it.

For one thing, I'm not always that talkative or expressive. If you've seen films like "Adam" or shows like "Big Bang Theory", that wouldn't be a farfetched statement. I don't know who else has experienced this, but the inability to express a lot of emotion can have a multitude of meanings: empathy might be harder to pinpoint because I've never experienced a certain scenario talked about by someone else, I might feel my emotions are invalid in the eyes of someone else and my brain might avoid trying, I'd be aggressive pouring my heart out to someone if not for the fact that I have a bad habit of fumbling over my words, and the list continues from there.

Here's another thing worth pointing out, some of us are completely aware that our interests are not for everybody. I've expressed a habit of talking to myself stemming from the habit of reciting TV shows and movies and everyone around me has tried to stop it. As I got older, though, I've decided to wait till those people are away from me so I can continue my habit and have even associated it with waiting till I am away from certain people to be me. Regarding that, as well, you know how a lot of people claim faking a smile is a lot easier than explaining why you are sad? Well, I've kept a lot of my interests to myself to make it easier to avoid explaining myself when I struggle to speak.

Also, and I know not everyone experiences this, but sometimes people forget that you're different. Is it intentional? For the better? By accident? I don't know. I'd just like to say, though, that not everyone is strong or handles emotions or the world the same way. I wish these differences and then some could be taken seriously. In the meantime, though, expect us to venture through life and explore ourselves however we can, no matter the pace.

Love, Monique