The Relationship between Gratitude and Regret

I don't know why I did it. Maybe it was because she had started losing fur, slowly. Bit by Bit. She walked with a fragileness I'd never seen before. I had a gut feeling she wasn't going to be here much longer.

It had been raining in my last memory of her. It isn't a sad memory, just a quiet one.

The raindrops patted the ground, gently at first. My 11- year old self blinked back at me under a yellow jacket. My cat, by some miracle, happened to be around. And today I'm so grateful she was. I crunched down on my knees to pet her wet fur. I didn't mind. I thought the water was quite refreshing. However, it was quite cold, so I sat on the floor and let her huddle on my knees. The stony ground formed temporary marks on my bare legs. In a way, they're still there in my mind. I can feel them. I can still feel her in my lab.

The wind blew gently at first but still enough that I could see her, Lotta, shivering. I wrapped my thin jacket around her. I tried to use the zipper, to make a safe space for her in my jacket, but she was too big to fit. I opted for the second option - my arms. Wrapping them securely around her, I laid my head on top to prevent raindrops from getting on her. Another reason was to feel her body heat. In a way, we were sharing our warmth. Her heartbeat steadily against my ear at first. After a moment, it sped up, unable to take the pressure of my head. Releasing my head off her, I simply hugged her. The rain was soothing but unpredictable. Drops fell randomly at unexpected times and spots. Some landed on my jacket and legs. My legs ached from the lack of blood flow. I carefully adjusted my position as not to disturb her.

I closed my eyes as she had. I concentrated solely on one thought: ''She isn't going to be here forever''. At that moment, I held her and truly, 100% focused on her. We lay there for a few moments until we couldn't. The wind gave a ferocious punch and my cat shivered again. She gave up and trotted to the door, giving a ''meow'' for me to open it. I felt kind of sad at the loss of comfort. Together we went inside. I drew a drawing of us. I wanted to quickly capture the memory. A permanent memory. Today, 4 years later, I see it when revisiting drawings. It's still the most beautiful picture I've ever made.

The relationship between gratitude and regret is a toxic one. Regret, in my opinion, is the worst feeling imaginable. Gratitude is the best feeling in the world. Regret grieves memories that never had a chance to happen while gratitude appreciates and acknowledges those that do.

Regret clings to gratitude in a desperate attempt to hold on. Gratitude is independent and shines with a joyous grace.

The purpose of this post was to encourage someone who reads this to take a few moments to acknowledge and appreciate the people around you. And although that still holds true, I found it hard to write this as I kept thinking about my cat. She passed away soon after the event. And although the picture helped me during a difficult time, there is always a feeling that I could have done more. This is a beautiful memory and it's moments like these that we all need to have more of. Today, please take a moment to do something nice for someone. It could be a simple compliment. Someone changed their hair? Got a new outfit? Mention it. Or maybe words aren't your thing. If so, why not bake a dish? It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Even a cup of tea would be amazing. As long as you take a moment to appreciate someone. Remember: It's the thought that counts.

P.S. Thank you for reading! :)