The Paradox of Running

A knot starts to tighten in my stomach as I tie the final knot in the laces of my running shoes. Here comes the internal battle I face every time I set out for a training run. On the outside I look like a runner with my hair in a ponytail, my Brooks running shoes, and my Lululemon running pants (just kidding, I'm a teacher, my running pants are from Target.) On the inside, however, the internal dialogue begins.

"Are you sure you want to run today?" or more bluntly "I really don't want to do this."

My brain starts to send signals to my body to try to get to me to change my mind. My inner voice starts pleading with me to stop this running nonsense and to just let my body relax after a long day of work. But I have trained my body to ignore nagging, negative comments so I grab my water bottle and head out the door.

Once in my car, I reward myself with music to pump me up before I hit the trail. I have been on a Beatles kick lately, so today it is "Get Back" that has me singing out loud as I try to drown out the inner dread I am feeling because I know what my body is about to endure.

It takes about two and half songs until I turn into the park that faithfully marks the start of my training runs. I take a final swig of water before I jump out of my car and turn on my running app. I slide my phone and keys into my "flipbelt" as I ease into the welcomed five minute warm up walk my training app requires. The walk allows me to navigate through the busy part of the park as I make my way to the paved trail that traces the Missouri River's bank.

The app dings and a voice gently reminds to me start running. My body indistinctly sets into motion. The run always starts out easy as I set my pace. I continue to breathe normally for the first few minutes of the run, yet my brain continues to negotiate with me by saying,

"Ok, this isn't so bad, but if you start to get tired or it gets too hot, you can always turn around. Just listen to your body."

This is when my body starts to help my brain out. I start to feel the heat rising to my skin that always accompanies the beginning of a run. The first time I ever felt this, I thought it was my body telling me I needed to stop, I had done enough. Now I know it is just the first wall I need to push through as I start to pattern my breathing to match my pace.

Next, my brain realizes the hill I always strategically put at the beginning of my run is coming up. My blood starts to pump a little harder in anticipation as I put my head down and tackle the challenge of resistance. My pace is a little faster than I like to start out with, but I conquer the hill without too much struggle today. Coming off the hill I can feel myself starting to settle into the run. My inner voice starts to change it's tune with the thoughts,

"Oh yeah...I kind of like running." or "I am doing this, I really am a runner."

I'm pretty sure this change in opinion stems from the amount of oxygen that I have been sucking into my lungs and some of it is finally starting to reach my brain. This is the best part of running. It's when everything seems to flow and my mind starts to wander towards trying to solve all the world's problems like what school should look like in the fall when we are still facing a pandemic. Or my mind will choose to focus on things that are a little more within my control, like relationship problems or what's for dinner. No matter the thoughts, I am in the zone now.

This is the part of the run where something magical happens. All the tension in my body and the negative thoughts in my head seem to start fizzing to the surface the way carbonated bubbles do when you first flip the tab of an ice cold Coke. Once they reach the surface, they start to pop and are carried away by the gentle breeze blowing off of the river. Any negativity built up throughout the day is released and I start to see things through a more neutral lens.

The app dings again and a woman's voice encourages me to run a little faster. This is when my inner voice starts to complain again,

"Ugh, today is a sprint interval day? I told you you shouldn't have started out with such an aggressive pace. This is going to hurt."

Yet, my legs speed up and all I am thinking of now is how long two minutes feel when I force myself to run faster than I am comfortable with. The app dings again and it is time to slow down and walk. I use this time to control my breathing before the next sprint begins. The next four rounds of intervals is where my body and mind work together to get me through this form of running torture without collapsing.

As I catch my breath during the final walking interval and prepare myself for the final ten minutes at my distance running pace, I start to have a mini celebration. I have made it through the worst of it and I know I will have another successful day of running. My body starts to fatigue a little, yet I feel very much alive.

With the exception of a break in pace and a quick spike in heart rate as I give the snake slithering across the trail the right of way, my final part of the run is a breeze. The interval struggle is over and now it is time for the cool down walk to my car. There is a slight feeling of euphoria as I slide into the driver's seat of my car knowing I just won another battle against complacency. I turn the key and press play to, you guessed it, the Beatles who will take me home with "Ticket to Ride."

I am not a runner who loves to run, but I am a runner!

If you are not a runner, but want to get started or you have another goal you are working towards and you do not know how to get started read my post The Least You Can Do. This is a quick ready that shows you how making big changes starts with minimal effort.