The Difference Between Solitude and Loneliness

Perhaps the two are not “versus” for everyone. For me, though, solitude and loneliness are not synonymous.

In search of my tribe

The discovery of writings by others on these issues is incredibly joyful for me. Mostly, the intrigue is reading what “my fellow introvert tribe” shares about their lives and survival in an extroverted world.

How do they cope with the expectations or demands of extroverts? How do they successfully maneuver in a world largely incapable of quiet, silence, or introspection?

There is reassurance in realizing that despite being an outlier in today’s world of busyness, a plethora of similar folks exist around the globe.

We introverts seek solace in remaining solitary. Being by ourselves…alone…rejuvenates and stimulates us. Such solitude is, in fact, essential to our healthy mental well-being.

The difference between extroverts and introverts

Extroverts (or extraverts) recharge their juices amidst the company of others. They are invigorated and thrive on activity, noise, and chatter.

Solitude

Being alone in solitude for huge blocks of time is my choice. If lonely, I would opt differently.

In surviving several decades and residing largely sans a companion, I cannot remember ever feeling lonely.

Admittedly, meeting up occasionally with like-minded souls for stimulating, meaningful conversations of substance is refreshing. Dear introverted friends understand each other.

Most introverts can endure a party or group of noisy extroverts for a limited time. Then, we must scamper off for quiet rejuvenation alone.

Those living a solitary existence demand Quiet. Thinking. Withdrawal. Reading. Daydreaming. Peacefulness. Reflection. Doing nothing.

The joy of nothingness

Voila! There it is. The secret confession. DOING NOTHING.

Today’s modernity is tethered to productivity-driven activities. Much of the industrialized West revolves around continuous motion, multi-tasking, and a materialistic focus.

Doing nothing, if not unpardonable slothness, is silently verboten.

It took me eons before I felt comfortable admitting to doing absolutely nothing! Or, revel in being lazy. And, relish not speaking to another human often for several days.

Granted, I wasn’t necessarily spending sixteen hours contemplating my navel. I might be “doing” something.

Writing. Answering emails. Watching television. Reading Medium articles or books. Meditating. Designing or rearranging something. Going for a walk. Performing necessary daily chores. Doing asana or Qigong. Napping. Reflecting. Studying.

But, my primary focus — with intense concentration and dedication—remains on Being. Not Doing.

Obtaining such a Buddhist-like existence requires more effort than one might imagine. It’s taken in excess of a decade to achieve this detached solace.

It continues to be a work in progress, likely a lifetime endeavor.

Those raised in Western cultures are programmed to produce, to perform, to work, to excel, to make money, to be successful, to be active.

To always “Do.” And to do more and more.

Human beings, not human doings

Many spiritual teachers and far more evolved individuals than I have stated simply: “We are human beings, not human doings.”

Someone living in contravention of societal mores often is viewed as unmotivated or lazy. From ingrained judgmental extension and decades of programming, that person’s life is considered to have less meaning, importance, or value.

That is unless if, along the way, the person becomes a Harper Lee or Vincent Van Gogh and leaves a memorable legacy.

For decades, I accepted and avidly participated in those traditional expectations of my upbringing, dare I suggest brainwashing?

A void despite outward successes

Despite a plethora of degrees, plaudits, careers, and achievements, an internal void existed. It led to the inevitable trite search for a more meaningful existence.

A life on my terms.

It became abundantly clear such an objective was achievable only by maintaining a solitary, hermit-like existence.

Such solace is blissful. It is exceedingly more rewarding, enlightening, fascinating…and, yes, more meaningful than remaining forever busy or occupied.

The process

In that evolution, it is nearly impossible to “Be” without living primarily in solitude. Unless in a contemplative setting of a monastery, retreat, or cave in the Himalayas.

Otherwise, too many distractions exist. Mindless irrelevant chatter. Excessive social media. Preoccupation with the trappings of success. Focus on the accumulation and hoarding of money and belongings. 24/7/365 news cycles.

By living thusly, I have the unencumbered opportunity to select what nourishes my own soul. Each and every day.

And I am never lonely.

Your time is valuable. Thanks for spending some of it here. Victoria

© Victoria Kjos. All Rights Reserved. 2024.