Spiritual Awakening: What to Expect

Spiritual Awakening: What to Expect

By Frederick Alexander Russ

“You are one thing only. You are a Divine Being. An all-powerful Creator. You are a Deity in jeans and a t-shirt, and within you dwells the infinite wisdom of the ages and the sacred creative force of All that is, will be and ever was.” —Anthon St. Maarten

I open with this beautiful quote in recognition of the Absolute Sacred truth of it. I came to experience this truth firsthand. But not without a great journey of great loss.

I lost everything.

The career I meticulously built from scratch. My business. My credibility. My friends. My savings. My car. Everything that mattered to me. Even my marriage. Gone.

What would you do?

I was in so much pain and despair. My life as I thought I knew it was over. I kept thinking about ways to stop the pain, even suicide, as a way to extract myself from life given that I believed at that moment that I had nothing left to offer. Actually this would go over and over in my mind obsessively regarding when and how I would “do it”.

I obsessively tried just about every method to manage the pain to try to stop the virtual tidal wave of the feelings that felt hellish including self hypnosis, affirmations, seeing a psychotherapist, Mantra, chanting, fasting, talking to friends and family.

Nothing helped these very intense feelings that were incredibly overwhelming. They were feelings I did not want to feel. I wanted to escape the horrible feeling of the loss of a career, a beautiful relationship, my car, my livelihood, my money, and fame. I felt myself becoming the laughing stock of society, the forgotten, banned from the tribe, with no place to call home.

I looked in the mirror and simply did not know who I was anymore. Because of this swirling dervish of panic and perpetual pain, it literally felt like hell on earth. I had become unrecognizable to even myself.

As my life and identity began to unravel, the truth on the other hand began to unfold and reveal itself. Then it dawned on me: I had never really known who I was truly. In the darkness of my despair, I hit absolute rock bottom. I felt fully the weight of the realization, based on the context of my worldly beliefs, that I was essentially nothing and no one.

A feeling of deep dark gloom came over me. I had become death. I asked in despair: “Who am I? If there is a God, please help me.” Then fell into a deep, dreamless sleep as I felt myself slip into the abyss.

After what appeared to be days, I felt as if I had died. Every aspect of my life was falling away. Still gripped in pain and fear, I then heard the most beautiful angelic voice:

You are not who you think you are.

I sat, perplexed, trembling in my own emotional implosion. I barely noticed the dried tears being poured over by new tears streaming down my face. My whole body shook. “Yes I know. You’re right. I have absolutely no idea who I am”, I said.

“That you don’t know who you are is the true source of why you are suffering”, challenged the voice. “This suffering is the inevitable conclusion of existing in the twilight slumber of the unawake. We have been watching you for a very long time. So here we are at last. Do you want us to assist you?”, asked the voice.

“Yes, please”, I muttered weakly, “but who are you?”

”We are your Divine Guides, in answer to deep and genuine call of your Heart and Soul. Our duty is to answer the call of those who are ready.”

Suddenly I began to get very still inside and a surreal calm swept over me. A thought entered into my awareness: I had been defining myself all my life by all of these human factors. These things I thought were so important, the things I’ve been defining myself by, were just illusions. Only a fraction of who I truly am. These illusions are not truth. I am not any of those things. None of these are real or true.

For so long, I’ve lived with the illusion of who I thought others thought I should be, essentially losing connection to my True Self. In this calmness, I began to see these illusions falling off of me like scales. I then found myself stepping back into a nondescript cavern outside of life.

From this vantage point, I had a front row seat and began to witness and observe my mind, feelings, my thoughts as something outside of myself. I felt a strange sort of peace which swept over me and a rush of joy which felt like universal unconditional love swelling up underneath me which began to fill my entire consciousness. I felt the presence of a deep abiding peace. I heard a gentle hum in my ears like the sound underneath all of life.

With a twinkle of mirth, the voice, sounding both powerful and kind, said,

“You are safe. Your right to free will was upheld. We could not interfere without the express permission by you as a creator to intercede on your behalf. Now we can assist and heal. Your experience as of late, though very uncomfortable, was not a punishment. Each soul has a specific formula to awaken and this was yours.”

“You’ve been asleep for nearly this entire lifetime, gingerly picking the guidance you could fathom yet ignoring the deeper signs we’ve been giving you. This is only an acknowledgement of what has been and not a judgement of you. We love you with a more than human love. You are now at the beginning of your own spiritual awakening to the truth of who you really are. You are now ready.”

“We are very aware of the questions you’ve been asking and the yearnings of your heart. Making a difference is important to you and if you are open to guidance, we will help. Are you willing?“

“Yes”, I replied.

They began.

“You don’t actually attract what you want. You attract who you are.”

“While this statement may seem to support the so-called Law of Attraction, there is far more to this process and concept of creating the life of your dreams than what currently exists in the world. All are constantly creating all the time, every single moment.”

“You are a creator. You have been a creator always , are now, and always will be.

“In the case with spiritual awakening, the answers aren’t “out there”. A spiritual awakening reveals that all the things you thought you were, you aren’t, and that all you seek in the universe is already inside you. Waking up is removing the blinders that the ego had so inconspicuously placed over your ability to know that, keeping you in the dark.

“The best way to “attract” your highest destiny is knowing who you truly are. It is the only way to alleviate the internal suffering that propelled you to wake up. Love is the essence of your true authentic self. The ego, on the other hand, is completely drenched with fear. Fear is its byword and motivation.

“In fact, the Ego IS Fear.

“The Ego is essentially terrified. It means well and one of its motivations is that it wants to keep you safe. But because it is not self aware, it will do anything it can to prevent you manifesting any life where it is absent from your own.

“The universal default is set to record everything you think, feel, believe. It doesn’t stop at the 30 minutes each morning you take to center to manifest. Abundance is a way of life and at the center of that is living that life as an Awakened Self also known as the True Self.

“When asking who you are, it may be easier to understand who you are not. You are not your mind, nor your emotions. You are not this feeling of fear, paranoia, anxiety, smallness, or depression. You are not your bank account or your job. You are not your success or lack thereof. You are not your ego or the color of your hair or skin or eyes or gender. You are not this clay you call yourself.

“No one can supply the answer to you of who you are if you are not any of these. The Ego is unable to realize itself. It is asleep. And wants to stay that way. The same mind that created the problem cannot solve the problem. The only way to solve the problem is to evolve into a new mind.

“Regarding the Law of Attraction, there is truly no way to do it well without first having an awakening. The true law of attraction begins by first Waking Up.

“An awakening means that you’re truly free to decide and choose your destiny – not a life lived from the Ego but one we live from the Soul. You define your life with love – not fear.

“An awakening disentangles you from the false self – you know the one: that one inside who is living from fear via the ego. That false self needs a constant supply of validation to shore up its sagging ego. It’s terrified. Awakening is the opposite of narcissism. The awakened self doesn’t need popular opinion to define itself by.

“To awaken means to unleash the floodgates of true abundance by reconnecting to who YOU are – not this clay flesh attempting to define you through society by your name, your job, possessions, relationships, wealth or lack thereof. These are false markers used as identity designations.

“Living a life from the Soul means you’re now ready to create. When you are connected to who you are, you are connected to the fires of creation. Life becomes a blank canvas that you as a creator get to manifest fully, resting upon the shoulders of living and loving life as your True Self.

“For us there is no other way. For to get what you want, offer what others don’t know they want, yet – but will know it when they finally see it: your demonstration of you showing up completely to life in your true, genuine, authentic, powerful, peaceful and beautiful wise self.

“To recap: You are not your mind, thoughts, feelings or ego. You are not your career, wealth, or titles. If you are not any of that, who & what are you? Source buried a seed of itself within you for you to discover. The answer you seek is also seeking you.”

The following was more of a directly personal message:

“Regarding your new life and path: Are you willing to know who you are and when you do, act on it? We want you to utilize ALL your gifts – not just your creative music abilities but also your writing, communications and spiritual sponsorship of others ready and willing to awaken from the slumber of the ego to reclaim their optimum life and destiny.

“We want you to utilize and implement, in a practical manner, your understanding of the Sacred Mathematics of Music, Energy Clearing, Sound Healing, and assist other practitioners of yoga, health spas and spiritual teaching by supporting their needs in music, recording and sound design for guided meditations and audio books.

“Also, become a facilitator of the Soul. Assist others ready to blossom in their own awakening and self realization. Facilitate that process. Show up to your true mission and purpose. We will assist you. We are blessing you in your walk and we love you.”

Thus began my walk into uncharted territory: to know the way, go the way and show the way. My divine guides then blessed me with a golden elixir of pure light that they poured over me. The fear and anguish was but a distant memory. I am ready to begin my walk as I had originally intended.

Live from the Soul. Know who you are. Reconnect to your True Self and therefore reconnect to your Highest Destiny.

The Experience of Debriefing the Experience

No one seems to talk much about the more negative aspects that show up after a spiritual awakening. Before, during, and after. The experience of what happened to me personally borders on the bizarre. My own personality shifted so drastically after the spiritual awakening.

I must preface the following by saying that no two spiritual awakenings look the same. I’ve talked to several with whom this phenomenon occurred and quickly realized that they’re all different.

As for me, as things unfolded, I was essentially accused by friends and family of being:

• bipolar or manic

• insane in need is psychiatric care

• in denial about having a brain tumor

• having delusions of grandeur

Upon the recommendations of the same folks, I did make sure that I had myself medically checked out a doctor; psychologically with a therapist; and then with a psychiatrist to run tests to see if I had indeed fallen off the edge. I realized that the only way to assuage their fear was to open to being checked. I passed with flying colors however; a fact I shared with those inquiring.

To my surprise, they responded that even with the positive news on the positive news on the test, they still insisted that something was wrong with me. For anyone who didn’t know me before the shift, I seemed to them to be completely normal.

I found myself surrounded by by all sides of scores of friends and family denying my reality. Then the abuses began. Those close to me began calling me names. I was presented with all manner of toxic behavior towards me in an attempt to shock me into getting me to go back to the way I used to be. Which I eventually surmised that it really all about control. They were not bad people. But fear began to take hold on their assessment of me and they did what they felt was necessary to regain control.

It didn’t work.

The implication seemed to be that I must comply with their demands or face the consequences, up to and including being committed to a mental institution. . I've been threatened, emotionally, mentally, psychological and with legal action, told to pack my things, and called every name in the book.

Some of the attempts bordered on the outright ridiculous:

• Denying, shaming and ridiculing my experience;

• Attributing to me names and conditions that were highly toxic reflections of me

• I have been accused of being a narcissist, a jerk, selfish, an asshole, clueless, delusional, a complete moron, out of touch, manic, bipolar, crazy, insane, “in your own world”, or asked, “what exactly is wrong with you?”

I eventually began working with a mentor specialist who had also gone through a spiritual awakening herself. She went through the same process including the aftermath. Many of her insights literally saved my life.

The Importance of Grounding

In a flash, i went from being an incurable introvert to expressive extrovert. All fear was gone. The calmness and inner quietude was uncanny. Part of the challenge however I was learning the ropes of this new normal. And navigating the change in my current relationships.

Creativity, exciting new insights and epiphanies began to flood my world at an extraordinary rate. I found myself writing all the time to help debrief the experience, sometimes with only 3 hours of sleep a day. I would sleep an hour and get hit with more startling insights. The “downloads” were happening at all hours of the day. I eventually had to set boundaries so I could actually sleep and self care. (As my guides had ethereal bodies, they’ve long outgrown the need for sleep.)

As I began to work with my new mentor on what to do next and how to proceed, I was taught the importance of grounding. I had a prior grounding technique I used daily but after the spiritual awakening it wasn’t as effective. After several visits, we began to talk about new powerful method of grounding as an effective alternative.

This method is my own take of InterDimensional grounding. The way it works is as follows:

First, you surround yourself with a Sphere of Light, 9-18 feet in diameter. This sphere is impervious to anything that is not Light. Within the sphere bubble are multiple sparks of light representing many versions of you in all time through all experiences, past, present and future.

Begin by radiating the light from your heart to your crown Chakra then back to the heart. Then radiate light from your heart as streams of Light to all the little sparks of light within your Light Sphere. Keep pushing the Light until the little sparks glow brightly and ultimately send streams of Light back to you. The result is that you are suspended in this Bubble of Light by the streams of Light similar to an encased dandelion within a sphere.

The outer circumference of the Bubble of Light is the width of your Tube of Light. This tube goes all the way to the center of the earth. You can travel down this tube to connect to the core of Mother Earth and draw in the beautiful mother of pearl energy and fill up your bubble with this essence. Travel back up the tube of Light to flood your inner and outer world with this Mother Earth Grounding energy.

Your tube of light also extends up as well. Use it as a transport system to travel through galaxies, planets, star fields, and nebula through to the edge of the universe. Go through the vacuum of space with no stars and see one bright star. This is the Great Central Sun. Enter into the core of the Great Central Sun and draw tremendous energy from this powerhouse of Source Energy.

Go back down the Tube of Light and return to Earth. Repeat twice a day for maximum effect.

What exactly is awakening, anyway?

Carl Jung poignantly reminds us that we do not become enlightened by “imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

Awakening is the realization of what you are not. You are not your body. You are not this clay flesh. Or your mind. Or your emotions. Or your social status or career. Or what others say you are. You recognize yourself as the divine spark from Source energy. The blinders have been removed.

You begin to identify with the soul and lose attachment with the ego, the world of ego, the concerns of ego and instead are empowered to be a living, breathing example of the divine in action. You live and love out loud.

What others think of you, including judgments and negativity, no longer affect or impact you. You cease being manipulated. You are your own best advocate.

You are at once an irresistible force and an immovable object. You stand your ground and are no longer moved by the antics of others who wish to control or minimize you or your existence. You are free.

This represents a sizable packet of energy to debrief to the world. Most won’t get it unless they too are called to experience it soon. You may be the butt of jokes and misrepresented, or written off. You may be assigned one of a thousand minimizing conclusions that are no closer to the truth than snowballs in hell.

However, none of this has proven that it matters to you. You may marvel at how your new found freedom will trigger such hatred, anger, and accusation. Especially when all you’re intending and doing is radiating divine love and light.

Why is this happening? It happens because you are no longer controlled or controllable. All the old ways to manipulate or guilt you into doing another’s bidding no longer works. You’re onto them. You’re not mean but you also cease to be affected.

People are in their own dream and will project that dream onto you. Let’s face it. The human consciousness can prove to

It becomes very discouraging to them when all the old tricks used in the past to control you no longer work.

Anthony Hopkins once said it so brilliantly: “What others think of me or say of me is none of my business. I am who I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and appreciate everything. And this makes life so much easier.”

You are free to love oult loud and be the person you were always meant to be. To be the very best version of yourself. And your very existence may represent a threat to those who know at the soul level who you are and what you represent.

They’re flustered because by your own vibration and frequency, you are serving them notice that they are asleep and will go to great lengths to avoid connecting to the message you bring completely unbeknownst to your conscious awareness.

This is what it means to “be the change you wish to see in the world.” You do it by the very act of shifting your frequency and vibration which harmonizes with the upper octaves of angelic realms. Which also means your energy is no longer harmonizing with this earth plane unless those who experience the “note” you bring are similarly called vibrationally to join with you. This “note” is the wake up call to commence with the mission you came to earth to do.

Those who resonate with the sounding of this note will get it. Those not ready will oppose it. You’ve entered into a new realm of spiritual work. Get used to it.

The gift of finding Personal Happiness while helping others in a sleeping world

People strive for happiness because the soul remembers that happiness always seemed to have accompanied knowing who they are before the embodied. Yet they tend to pursue happiness without the key ingredient of self knowledge. They simply haven’t made the connection that happiness springs from self knowledge first . And it’s not something that can be forced.

I’ve learned to have patience and hold space for my brothers and sisters who are still in twilight. If family members need to sleep, bring them pillows and blankets. For my awakening doesn’t actually somehow make me better than them. It only makes me more culpable to do the spiritual work to help pave the way for them to eventually discover it on their own.

Transformation percolates in its own time without force, impatience, judgment, or looking down upon them or feeling superior. But by remembering that it was by the grace of Source that we ourselves were freed. We were granted freedom with dignity and honor without being hammered by another’s righteous indignation or coerced because we didn’t measure up somehow to another’s shoulda woulda coulda’s.

These present stumbling blocks to others. I had to come to my own conclusions without outside interference or coaxing. Sometimes simply holding space for another while they sort things out is the most compassionate action we can offer.

Am I Crazy?

If you’ve had a spiritual awakening, and either nobody gets it, understands it, or minimizes you and your experience, and seem unwilling to validate your experience, or feel like you have a mental condition, and not a spiritual awakening, you’re not alone.

Thousands are beginning to experience the awakening. And the one who has is singled out as the anomaly, the oddball, the recluse or fool on the hill.

“Divine madness, known also as theia mania and crazy wisdom, refers to unconventional, outrageous, unexpected, or unpredictable behavior linked to religious or spiritual pursuits. Examples of divine madness can be found in Hellenism, Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sufism, and Shamanism.

“It is usually explained as a manifestation of enlightened behavior by persons who have transcended societal norms, or as a means of spiritual practice or teaching among mendicants and teachers. These behaviors may seem to be symptoms of mental illness to mainstream society, but are a form of religious ecstasy, or deliberate ‘purposeful activity by highly self-aware individuals making strategic use of the theme of madness in the construction of their public personas.’”Wikipedia)

You’ll may feel far more vibrant and alive than you’ve ever felt. All of the chakras (energy centers in the body) are cohesively stimulated and involved. By nature, the process if awakening includes the temporary dropping of all accepted societal boundaries. The newly awakened one wants to allow the love to pour out from their heart and from all the chakras unabated for the blessing of earth and its people.

There are drawbacks, however. Without grounding, however, this ecstasy can lead to nearly a complete lack of boundaries which can lead to some really poor judgment and decisions. The Kundalini is surging uncontrollably and the awakened one literally feels love for every single person on earth.

The process can incapacitate a person. Ideas, creativity, new neurological connections in the brain are being established at an extraordinary rate. These “downloads” from Source can lead to no sleep for days, nearly manic behavior where an idea can be focused upon singularly for hours. The revelations and creative surge are at an all time high. Which makes it hard to work, and hard to do the normal things like paying bills, picking up the kids, keeping appointments, all which require grounding.

The need for grounding becomes front and center one of the most important habits to do daily. However, if you have had a grounding practice before the awakening, your needs may have shifted to require a grounding upgrade. (See Chapter 5 for an effective method.)

Your losses are actually gains

Like a fan you unplug from the wall, the blades may continue to spin for a time before they come to a complete stop. The blades represent choices, thoughts and creations made before the awakening. All the old patterns crawl to a stop, including jobs, relationships, friends, interests, etc.

Vibrationally, you’ve accelerated to a higher rate. This means you may not be compatible with the world you have created before the awakening occurred.

One of the benefits of spiritual awakening is exceptional clarity. What used to be sparse contact with the higher self becomes a day to day walk with the Divine within you.

I will leave you with a channeling I did this morning:

“You increase your effectiveness on multiple levels exponentially if you’re willing to first take care of Self - to rest, restore and replenish for a huge outpouring of love and light.

“Being a martyr or sacrificial lamb is misguided. This is where all of the personal allotted energy, light and resources are completely spent which actually ultimately serves no one.

“In the larger scheme of things, there is no separation between any of us ultimately. I AM YOU, YOU ARE ME, WE ARE ONE (Mayan greeting, In’La’Kech). Self care - filling one’s own tank - becomes a prelude for world service. It is a win-win in that what is felt by the one is eventually felt by the whole.

“This is precisely what it means to “be the change we wish to see in the world.” We change and heal the world vibrationally. Every action we take to increase light, Universal love and higher consciousness benefits the entire human race. Even if others don’t have the language or have difficulty articulating the feeling, it is felt.

“All light workers work on themselves to become beacons of Light. It’s not about flowery speech or viral social media. The message can be sent and received vibrationally without one word uttered.

“We become what we focus upon. If the focus is to embody Source energy on earth, and daily focus, intention, meditation and purposeful action is continually being renewed, repurposed and radiated to all beings in the universe, we become the change by being the spark of fire that lights the universe.

“Live from the Soul. Universal Consciousness manifests as Divine Source Energy, Divine Love & Light, for the simultaneous transmission of Divinity within oneself as a beacon of Light.” — Sri Ananda

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” —Mahatma Gandhi

Letting Go of the Old Life

A note to readers who may be struggling

Consider, as hard as it may be to let go of some aspects of the old life, that letting go may have been what your guiding spirits have been asking you to do all along. The old zen proverb, “let go or be dragged” applies here. If we’re unwilling or resistant, the universe has a way of making it happen organically.

Consider that awakening, as hard as it can be on your life here and there, may be the very best thing that has ever happened to you. If you’ve hit bottom, the only way to go is up. Meaning opening up to another aspect of awakening and greater spiritual insight than you’ve scarcely imagined shows that you may be closer than you think.

It’s always darkest before the dawn.

Life isn’t happening to you. Life is happening for you. You’re not being punished. You’re not a victim. You’re a magnificent soul of light, a spiritual being having a human experience.

You’ve got this.

Don’t resist the feelings or judge them or yourself for having them. They’re telling you something really important. They have something to say and I suspect that they’ve been trying to get your attention for some time now.

Let go. Go on a silent retreat. Find a mentor. Do therapy. Work on yourself. You can eventually grow into the best version of yourself.

Lastly, let go of expectation. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. What anyone thinks of you or says about you is none of your business. You are what you are, and you do what you do. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Love yourself. Accept yourself. Grow.

Sending light & love,

Frederick Alexander Russ