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Something you thought about a lot as a child?

by Nia on Air about a year ago in spirituality

April Prompt Healing Journaling

Circa: 1993 Young Nia

My biggest thoughts as a child were mainly death. I don’t think that I ever talked about it with anyone. The times that I attempted to my mother was the type to say, “don’t speak things like that into existence.” My grandmother was always one to have these discussions with me if allowed but, her advice was always vague due to the disagreement with the conversation taking place against my mother’s wishes.

My biggest wonder was if when we pass away is there another side? If so, your loved ones that you lived with so long here on this plane will you get to meet them again? Will you find them? I’ve always been one of those curious kids and now adults that look further than what is taught to me by passing down to the next generation. I have too many questions and need to understand the “why” before I can just believe. I am not saying that I don’t believe in God or that I don’t believe there is a heaven.

As much as I am just questioning if and when that time comes will I find the people I love the most again on the other side. It’s 2:00 AM in the morning and again this is something that is on my mind. I lost my mother on October 14th, 2012 at 12:04 pm and it is something that I think about every day. Partially, because I miss her beyond belief and that I wish I could catch her up with everything that she missed. However, the biggest part of my growth from my grieving process is will I find her when my time has come. I believe that if I understood death and dying more before losing such an important person than maybe my thoughts of finding her in the afterlife wouldn’t feel so complex. How can I grow past this?

I’ve learned to look more into the afterlife and what it means for me. I refuse to believe everything that I read however, I try to fall align with my own beliefs. So, far it has gotten me through to some understanding but going forward with my own children, I want them to be prepared and understand instead of left looking for answers. Death and Dying are apart of life. We all have that one thing in common.

However, some believe if you speak about it too much it could happen, others believe that it’s apart of life. We are all living to die, it all depends on how much living you do before you die. My regret is allowing myself to fall into autopilot sometimes. My goal is always to enjoy the moment and the people in it, you never know when that moment will ever be your last moment.

These are thoughts that I would wonder about in my young mind. It makes you think what do our children wonder about? Are they comfortable with coming to you and talk to them? How would you handle talking about death and dying with your children? This is a hard question to ask would you push what you were brought up to believe in your children? Or will you take what you were brought up thinking and if you have different thoughts now present them to your children and let them make that choice on their own, leading them as a guide not forcing them into a certain belief system?

I grew up with a muslim teaching from other family, a spiritual teaching from my mother while attending Catholic school. So, my belief system was a multitude of different views. I respect that I got to learn so much but it lead me to my own spiritual world of thinking. My mother would always say you believe in what speaks to you and the higher power that you believe in from your heart, I teach my children the same. I am here as a guide to show you right from wrong but I can’t save you. I can set you up with the tools that I know how to succeed and even walk you to that door but I can never make you walk through it. I have to trust that I have equipped you with enough knowledge to make the right decision that I’ve guided you too.

What are some thoughts that you have lived with since childhood?

Nia on Air
Nia on Air
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Nia on Air

Mental Health Survivor, Poetry Lover, Thought Speaker, Truth-Teller.

IG: @NiaOnAir_

Website: Niaonair.com

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