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Skinny Minny

Rant of my life

By CadmaPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 13 min read
2

I’m Skinny Minnie. In the photo to your left screen I am in the 6th grade wearing my ballet dance recital costume, and at the time I was told it was a Polish costume; which I was very proud of since my family is mixed with Polish as well. It was my favorite dance recital outfit; and I adored the green in the dress. Recently this year for Halloween, I chose to wear it again; and I have known for some years that I could fit it again and a few of my other dance recital outfits. However, wearing the costume was fun with a hint of reminders of what it is like being so petite.

Physically speaking, I have always been relatively small yet bigger than what most people expect. I have always been a size 3 although I can fit into a 2 uncomfortably; but I can wear it. Being small or petite can seem like the grass is truly green on my side; but is it really?

Let’s go over a few unprovoked, unnecessary encounters because of my size

You should eat more!”, the assumptive commentary that I am obviously only skinny because I am choosing not to eat; sure some people have lost weight that way unhealthily but that is not what is happening. Skinny people are always hungry; why? We are burning energy non-stop, which means when a skinny person is not eating and burning energy; at some point the stomach starts to eat itself. I am usually in pain and extremely cranky if I am not taking care of it. The comment is annoying based on the assumption itself but there are people out there with eating disorders and the “jealous” comment can exacerbate the situation; and I have known people with eating disorders and it is a big deal to them.

Amazing Actress I worked with, who gets my struggle

You’re not built like a real woman anyway”, the obnoxious response from a male that I have politely turned down; but males can’t handle rejection so insulting is what they deem to be the proper response. Am I curvy? No, but these are also the same males who will demonstrate fatphobia to someone who is curvy. There is an assumption that I am consumed by my looks as a female and of course females can “only” be attractive when a male finds them attractive; not because they feel good about themselves. Please as you read that line again; picture a very dramatic eye roll.

Men only want real women!”, an internalized misogynistic females have yelled at me out of anger because I am skinny. The funny part is I have never looked at another female and thought “Man I want to look like that!”; a lot of it is because I do not care and I want what is right for me. “Real Women” are not based on the misogynistic concept that a woman’s only value is seen through her physical appearance.

Only White guys and Asian guys would date you because you’re too skinny”, I wish I could say I was making that up. You can not generalize an entire group of males by their ethnic background and then add me into the mix of where you think I belong based on my size; some men like them bigger or smaller, or taller or shorter, or smarter to dumber. As females the internalized misogyny should take a break. I do not ask people “what race can I attract?” Based on my appearance, why don’t I ask? Because I do not care.

Oh! You’re still skinny!” said often with a ominous pissed off tone, first words from friends or family; because my size has not changed much. Truth is, if I approached someone and said “WOW, you haven’t lost a pound yet!”; the goal would be to cancel me for body shaming yet it is ok to do to skinny people. Someone stopped being friends with me in my twenties because I was still the same size; not that I need that kind of friendship in my life but is it that important?

Are there things on my body that I want to work on? Of course! I want to be stronger and faster. I want to work on the muscles on my legs and build up my hip strength; which due to Covid I actually had the opportunity to work on it. Hip strength is where all the power is for kicking people in the face…in the dojo of course safely. I fill out my clothes better which is great, because there’s nothing more uncomfortable than wearing something that keeps falling off of you.

When I struggle with my belts and have to make additional holes that do not exist as a pre-existing hole that looks 40 miles away from the preset holes in the belt, I am told “That’s a better problem to have”; based on whose opinion? You think I like when the wind blows I have to stop and slightly make myself “smaller” in height so I am not picked up. Sure, “I want to be skinny” but there are no comprehensions to what really comes with the territory like the rudeness of others because it’s only fair since they are not skinny and you are.

Yes, I can still fit a lot of my clothes from middle school but I also do not make millions of dollars. I’m a starving artist who eats all they can on set. I am also an active person; I like working out. I like sparring. I like training for a war I hope never arrives. I enjoy surprising myself of what my body is capable of doing. But who cares if I can fit into slender clothes? You as an individual should be confident in your body and yourself without needing to bring someone down.

Photo Credit: Natalia Yandyganova

Oh what are your dietary restrictions? Probably vegan or something right?”; that’s incorrect I’m a pescatarian. However, dietary restriction assumptions; let’s not get ridiculous.

“You’d look so much better in you had more weight” and you would look and sound so much better with your mouth closed but you didn’t see or hear me going out of my way to be Don Quixote’s ride along. I didn’t ask what I could do to make me look better in your eyes; because I do not care. I was reading my book and you chose not to gouge your eyes out and approach me confidently as if I was going to learn something besides your foolishness.

Who ordered the sandwich with 2 cheeses, 3 meats, lettuce, tomatoes, avocado, chipotle, hot sauce, cucumbers, jalapeños, peppers and olives?” and even if I am the only person standing there, I am looked passed as if my hand is not up; because that is not believable. I’m obviously a rabbit and with my teeth I only eat lettuce -_-

You’re so lucky you get to be skinny all the time! You barely have to do anything to stay that way.” Incorrect. I have to eat all day to feed the monster I can’t afford to feed. Lucky? Have I won the lotto? Are my bills paid? Am I fully recognized for my work because I’m skinny? No; ok…then not so lucky.

Photo Credit: Steve Azzara

YOU CAN STILL FIT YOUR PROM GOWN!!!!! THAT’S NOT FAIR!!”, you know what is not fair; being yelled at because you want to relive old high school memories of you pretending you were likable because you were a kid. I can also fit into Being-Mature and Intentionally-Kind too but that does not seem to cause envy.

You’re flat chested anyways!”; yeah often a symptom for a body that does not have a lot of body fat. What is it about skinny people that makes it ok to body shame them for their size? I don’t get mad at females with boobs; so why announce it to me like I’m just discovering my breasts have ran off with my patience for you.

I just like the photo; don’t ask

You look like you’re gaining weight!” Only to see me in person and then say “where is the weight I saw?”; probably in the baggy clothes I stacked up to look bulkier because it was windy yesterday. There’s excitement in their voice indicating “I hope you get fat!’. Ok first off, as long as I am healthy what’s the issue? Second, since you obviously considering “being fat” as this huge negative thing based purely on cosmetically appeasing concepts; what you are saying is that you want me to look and feel negative about myself because you are upset that I am skinny? Thanks for the ill wishes…

I bought you a shirt, its in a size I never checked with you about because all of you are the same skinny size.”, sure thanks for checking with me about my size; it’s either too big or too small. Call next time.

Recent gym fun

Why do you bother to work out? You’re already skinny!” Working out is not about looking good to everyone; they can enjoy that they do but that is not a sole reason. “Heart disease is the leading cause of death for women in the United States, killing 299,578 women in 2017—or about 1 in every 5 female deaths.” (CDC, 2020 https://www.cdc.gov/heartdisease/women.htm) Maybe I want to work on my heart and keep the muscle working hard but not too hard. Maybe I enjoy the hormones from working out. “Regular aerobic exercise will bring remarkable changes to your body, your metabolism, your heart, and your spirits. It has a unique capacity to exhilarate and relax, to provide stimulation and calm, to counter depression and dissipate stress.” (Harvard, Exercising to relax - harvard health publishing 2020 https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/exercising-to-relax) Oh Gee, it has nothing to do with health, getting dopamine into the system, releasing stress; because life is just easy when you’re skinny. The same reckless excuse for “their life is easier because they are pretty”; can people’s lives be easier? Yes, when you have a strong support system; has nothing to do with looks or weight.

HA! You’re freezing because you’re so damn skinny.” Thank you for being excited about me shivering as my core temperature slowly drops, my body struggles to warm itself up; and you feel I deserve that because I am skinny. We’ll see how happy you are in the bikini season and, although I am not putting you down; because the self hatred you hold inside is enough to know karma lives inside your soul waiting for your obnoxious behavior.

Remember her name! Any Danny Phantom fans here?

My friends with eating disorders I would feel terrible being around them because they became fixated being skinny so much that “I became the goal” even if it was not right for their body and health. “I need to be skinny like you!”; no you don’t. I’m not even going to embellish on it. Are you healthy physically, emotionally and mentally? Because that is all that is important and I love ❤️ love 💕 love 💗 you; and we can get through this together.

I used to be so uncomfortable with my legs because they were so skinny; hence why I work so hard on it. When I hit 30 I was expecting to gain the weight I had been trying to put on for so long; I like the ability to not fear a breeze for temperature drops or picking me up. I’ve ridden on an elevator and have to drop to the floor as quick as I can to “concentrate” my weight because it jolted me up for a second. I hold onto rails if the winds pick up or hide behind my friend whose 3 times my size and weight; and if needed I will hold onto them for dear life. If another friend of mine is skinny or petite we grab each other in unison and crouch down to make ourselves heavier against the winds; like a schoolyard game of “Will the winds take us?”. 🙄

Often I am second guessed for my strength because of my size in the dojo, in the street; especially for males who think man handling me is the proper way to obtain my number. I hit 30 and nothing; I had even expected my “ethnic butt” to come in. 31…32…33…34 oh wait a better butt and my pants hold up; SUCCESS!!

Yes I know my teeth are big, get over it.

Here I am at 36 years old wearing something I wore in the 6th grade.I am not upset about it but I do think it is interesting how upsetting it can be for some people. When I see people I immediately size them up to see if “they are happy”, “they are sad”, “going through things”, “look sickly”, “look stressed”; because that’s what’s important to me. Seeing a person and being happy to see them is important.

A strained face stating “Do you even eat meat?” Everyone’s metabolism is different and the sooner you realize this, the less we can worry about what I’m eating unless you’re cooking it for me; so back off.

This is acceptable from kids….

Are you hungry?” Me: “No I’m fine thank you”, Them: “That’s why you’re so skinny”; ah there’s the rub, it has nothing to do with the consistent meals and snacks I have been eating to appease my metabolism before it eats my stomach painfully and your timing was bad. No? Oh ok, it’s just cause everything in my life attributes to being skinny.

You think you’re cute because you’re so skinny, but you’re not!” Thank you for the unprovoked unnecessary commentary but I am cute because I am damn well am; you could be too if you had a better personality and manners.

Photo Credit: Steve Azzara

Oh I bet I can pick you up”, I do not need to bet. I’m confident you can pick me up too, but do not touch me. I am not your Linus blanket and it is unnecessary; if you consider me to be that light then you’re not really proving how strong you are…And do not tell me I am rude for telling you I do not want to be touched. If I my rib cage was at the height of your testicles (rarely women do this but sure, women testicles up high), and I said “OH I bet I could punch you in the balls” and proceeded to do it; you would want me to respect your boundaries right? Ok cool, now we’re on the same page.

Oh you’re so damn skinny” and proceed to squeeze the skin around my ribs or stomach; because sure I’m skinny and obviously do not have organs. You’re only pulling on the largest organ on the human body that has over 1,000 nerve endings that are sensitive to touch, pain, temperature and pressure; so of course skinny people love when you take your sweaty dry hands and pinch the skin and pull on it to show us and others how skinny we are; as if we do not own mirrors or ever looked down before. Perhaps in exchange I should take my bony hands and pull on your body fat to make it fair; or is it only rude if I did it to you?

Acceptable things to say to people of all sizes

“Hello”

“You look nice”

“You look great”

“I love how you’ve been looking lately!”

“What would you like to eat?” and then wait for the answer politely and genuinely

“I love that outfit on you!”

“They are going to love you as you are”

“You’re more than your looks”

Wait, what’s that? you have something to say because you disagree with something that has nothing to do with you and the person is not harming another person intentionally; then the best thing to say is often golden….

humor
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About the Creator

Cadma

A sweetie pie with fire in her eyes

Instagram @CurlyCadma

TikTok @Cadmania

Www.YouTube.com/bittenappletv

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