My Life With No Sight

A week until my sight will be taken from me. My chest aches with grief and discomfort and a piece of my heart had shattered. A world of light would soon be cloudy. I am scared of the process, yet I cannot help but wonder how life may be without my sight. This makes me feel a little uncomfortable and also fills me with mixed emotions because I know my life would not be the same as it is now. With news like that, I know I would have to change how I live. Deep down, I know it will be hard and I'm scared, but I cannot let that define me. Otherwise, I would not be Concera. I'm an artist, a reasonable person, and very understanding. I have to be strong.

With a week of knowing, I believe—no, I know—that I would like to see the beach one last time. The ocean is freedom and something about it makes me feel at ease. That is something I would like to have painted in my mind forever, so later down the road when I feel uneasy, I can see the ocean in my head to feel peace. I would actually start using my artistic side of me to paint pictures of the world in my head to remember as it is. I would learn how to move without seeing and start feeling with my gut. I will need to feel the art supplies and actually notice the small details in things that I never knew that were there, just like how I see the small details in things like people’s faces or the small cracks of the floor. Instead of seeing, I will just simply just have to feel them and hear them. Again, I will not let the blindness define me but let my will of moving forward define it. I would have to start by paying attention to those around me by hearing, smelling, and feeling. I would start by living in the dorm by myself, organize it to how I remember it, and to have easy access to my things. I would have a service dog for the comfort and not to feel so scared to walk on my own. I would feel a little at ease with a companion by my side to feel the connection between us and loyalty that will play a huge part. I would like to see Puerto Rico and Cuba if I have time before going blind. I do have my reasons for wanting to see these places one last time. It is where my mother's roots started and it is something I would always love to see. I would love to see the culture, hear the people and music, and be part of the history in the family. However, if I cannot see it due to time, then I will experience the sound of the environment.

I would not change my night walks, I would like to take the moment and actually feel the cool breezes on my skin, smell the fresh air, and hear the crickets instead of seeing them and actually listen to their melody. I would be able to focus on hearing the whisper of the wind as it cries, or when it storms, to hear the water drop fall into a pattern giving rhythm. I will take in the feeling of the drops of rain falling on my skin and focus on the movement as it runs down at the end of my fingertips. I would not change my personality, due to the fact I would not be true to myself. If I were to change who I am then I would be letting my blindness define who I am. Instead of doing so, I will use what was taken from me and empower it. I will not let it be a tragedy, but instead the next chapter. I would not change my life, because how else will I learn to be successful if I make things easy for myself? I cannot have everything handed to me on a silver platter and be some helpless, defenseless, and hopeless little girl. The world is unfair, yes. However, that does not make it okay to pity one another and be stuck in the past. Because at the end of the day, no one will be living my life or wanting the same goals and dreams that I simply crave.

It's funny how easily I can come up with things that I must do and how I will live. I realized as a human being not to take the small things in life for granted, and that it is okay to be scared of the unknown. It is also okay to push forward in life without knowing where it will take me. I know that I will manage in the world because I will not let my life be so grey. Life has so much more to offer then what we may think, and life can be so interesting depending on how one makes it out to be. I know my life will not be the same and I am okay with that. I have accepted the facts, and to be perfectly clear with my feelings, I am not so alone and I know will not let my blindness define me. I am a survivor, and my life will be sunny once again.