Meditation and My Recovery Journey

“Start a meditative practice. Be mindful of your breath and the world around you. Breath into that space. Build that bridge between your head and your heart. Surrender, and let go. Breath in love, exhale fear.” Still experiencing the symptoms of alcohol withdrawal, ashamed of myself for having to be in a drug and alcohol recovery rehab because I had burnt every last bridge and now had no place to go, I was certainly not in the right frame of mind to let these suggestions sink in. I was arrogant, naive, pessimistic, and overcome with guilt and shame. I thought to myself “how can meditation be a part of my recovery? I didn’t come to a rehab to have spiritual practices pushed upon me!”

But today, living a life sober and fulfilled with all the gifts of recovery has to offer, I never skip my meditation practice. Even when life gets hectic and I feel as though there is no time to sit in stillness and focus on my breath I always remind myself “by meditating you are creating more time in the day.”

“How?” you may ask. Well, for me, meditating slows my racing mind, allowing me to have more clarity and the ability to tackle one task at a time, rather than becoming overwhelmed and not getting anything done at all. Meditation allows me to drop into a state of flow, thus I complete my to-do lists with precision which creates personal time later in the day to decompress and practice some self-care for my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual self.

The yoga instructor at the rehab taught us that meditation is not an act of “doing,” it is a practice of “being.” By learning to sit still with oneself and finding peace within the idea that the moment you are experiencing right now is enough is what free’s yourself from the stressors of the outside world. In the world we live in today our minds have been conditioned to have negative thinking patterns such as future projections of where “we need to be,” or dwelling on the past, all of which creates stress, anxiety, and disharmony within our emotional being. This is where meditation becomes such a powerful tool. It is what helps us to let go of these negative thoughts, close out the outside world and become one with the present. For me, the meaning of life is to find peace with exactly who I am and where I am. My brain chatter subsides and becomes cleansed through my regular practice of meditation, mindfulness, and awareness of the present.

My initial experience of meditation was that of my brain telling me “This is stupid. I’m bored. I don’t feel anything. Hey, I got a better idea….” Thankfully I was told that this was totally normal. If this is a new practice then our minds are not used to it so it will try to fight back. But like a new hobby or sport, it takes regular practice to gain the benefits of meditation. I was instructed to acknowledge when my brain tries to take over with thoughts, breathe into it, and exhale it out to help reset my focus. “When your mind begins to wander, come back to your breath.” There is no “failure” when hiccups like this occur during your practice. It is simply what happened, and that is ok! It is now in the past, and we cannot change the past, just refocus on the present. As I continued my practice daily these “hiccups” (as I like to call them) occurred less frequently as my mind became more familiar with being still, quiet and at peace.

Through meditation I began to slowly achieve more patience, compassion, acceptance and peace in my everyday life. I find appreciation and gratitude towards the simplest of things, and have learnt to slow down and embrace the space that I am in at any given moment. There are so many benefits to meditation that I have personally received that I truly believe you can benefit as well if you are willing to create a daily practice and learn to love the process.

I have found that a great way to start is to follow along to a guided meditation or meditation music track, which are bountiful on YouTube! Personally I enjoy Boho Beautiful, Michael Sealey and ZenquilMind’s youtube channel.

I invite you to listen to this meditation track here, put on some headphones, find a comfortable seated position and simply breath in through your nose for a count of four, hold for four, exhale out your mouth for four, hold for four, repeat and let go. You are here, you are safe, you are supported.