M. Theo-Philo

You are not a being of identity but rather one of energy. Ego structure is only ever and always paper-thin. Though what you are experiencing byway wave of vibration is powerful in shaping your decision-making and creates your entire inner reality, which then becomes tailor made into who and what you think you are, by the mental makeup at our current stage in the evolutionary process of human-form.

In the awakening process you will experience doubt, patterns of dubious thought-form in an intensity, intricacy and complexity beyond which you have ever faced in the façade of your accepted waking life. This is the ego’s last attempt to maintain control - ego is powerful - and will hold on as long as possible. It is not that you are giving it the edge, or even self-sabotaging (unless you are), but rather that you are doing the very best you can. All of these patterns, whether inward or outward, will be geared towards controlling you through dark, stormy negative ideals. If directed at the interior it could be guilt, shame, self-loathing, or anything to make you question, and external to make you hate, judge, and condemn. Anything that you do against these digs you in deeper to ego’s sway. You are not enslaved anymore. Though you cannot wrestle and wrangle your way out. Join the light with shadow to free yourself.

The anglerfish cannot see its own lantern; it is merely guided by a force which lights the path. In the same, the shadow would not understand the light but merely recognize it as something could never be felt nor obtained yet that percolates around it. Although the one who walks in the light knows its shadow through its reflection. The glass cannot drink its own water but holds it. What this means for you is that with all that you hold inside you cannot see nor realize your being turns to sediment and becomes hard stone without flowing streams of water. Namely, the program does not know that this way is its nature unless it is made or finds a way to self-awareness. This can relate to all modes of functional modality; though the disc spins wantonly until it removes its plug or manages, through struggle of obtaining better-suited microbits of and enduring painstakingly obscured pixelation, to upgrade the working software. We see it observed throughout the natural world without any misconception. It is clear that the rooster caws; mosquito vamps; dolphins play; whale blows; sheep bleat and graze; cow goes moo; fish run; birds fly; and in the exact same way do humans human, and err. Until the cat catches its own tail; unless the bird determinately deconstructs the operation of its wings. It is no doubt a conundrum for the existentialists and philosophers. The science-minded try to objectively delineate method to comprehend a wholly-definitive apparatus which can inform precisely and acutely on the innerworkings of process. It is because we are asleep and hurting, and this in its own way is no less scientific. Unconsciousness is its own field for purposeful endeavour and exploration. If you are in great pain, it is entirely possible and mayhap probable you will continue to make the greatly destructive decisions which have become regular routine; even the worst decision you could ever make; it is theoretically sound to assume it can even from a state of relative wellness/wholeness. We might not be the body, but we must contend with it, and as it is so we are too. The branch does not stop being tree when it is snapped off, and as energetic beings it is the same for us with actions, be they physically/verbally manifested. But to seek to reattach the limb would be fallacy, it can only be futile and fruitless. So how to determine how lived experience has affected us? The only objective procedure would be enteroception/introspection. And what if this can only occur in conjunction with forgiveness/self-acceptance? Lastly, what is any answers which lie in wait were astute, comprehensive, and would be readily accepted by you?

Emotions are harder to understand than numbers but no less valid. This goes well with the fact that energy is the most powerful and influencing variable in behaviour. It disturbs and alters the matrix that you are for better or worse. And no matter how conscious you are still always operating from human physiology, mechanics and structure. How to understand how you were disrupted? This data you seek is suppressed within your being. It stands simply to reason that the only way is to find a way. Perhaps such profound, difficult healing is the holy grail of everything which we seek. You are going to have to heal by release of this stored information, focusing on it as your sole responsibility. Nothing else is as relevant while you are debilitated. If your physiology is harshly affected you can expect early on to be like stop-and-start, pussyfooting around. Relax, you are human. But do not fear energy either, learn not to. Of course, there also is the spiritual component. How to reconcile a guilty or resentful mindset and biology to the course of healing and eventual transformation? There is absolutely nothing you can do to instill healing – other than to get your lifeforce concentrated on breaking loose the lodged sediment inside. There are no rules here – only the ones you have unduly set in place for yourself, as well for others. Radical healing and transformation is what the species needs to stop from blowing up this world. We can no longer placate and distract ourselves by blaming the highest and the lowest among us. Conscious mind will only continue to clog you up – it is the guardian who cracked under pressure/pain and began swinging their sword madly and without tried aim. And at your own headspace; thought, emotion, conceptual reality. Be the subconscious. This might mean gripping and vibing with disturbing material and frightful contents. But you are just a dude disguised as a dude playing another dude. Choose wisely. Self-destruction is a path which can seem and almost really become apparently insurmountable. The deepest darkest path is surely not the one for you. There is courage in your grace under pressure. The only way out is through. You are here to learn; grow. When you have realized, and then come to terms with this – that anything else or further attempt is futile – will you finally surrender? Even if you cannot see clearly, I can guarantee you of the necessity and tenacious righteous quality inherent of adhering to this acknowledgement if you earnestly wish to get better, proceed practically, efficiently, properly. Though, nonetheless, realizing is not the same as telling or prompting yourself. So be kind, patient and God-lovingly gentle with your truly decent, good self. You are river and not rock, nor does your value rest with experiential processing, nor the experiences of the path. Know that any valuation of anything is determined by its effect and this is held in feeling. Have fun, be safe and here every moment you may. For your perfection is a glittering gold vibrance waiting silently and calmly to unfold, without worry. Let he/she who came first tell you their story. Listen kindly and respond soothingly. Above all, honour the peace and pain they came through with curiosity, faith and nurturing. Cultivate any positive aspects you can; accept and tolerate the rest of the unwinding. The night is darkest before the dawn. Honour yourself with virtue and right-action. No matter what came in the past and is occurring on the inside in the now, wishing to be seen and heard. Coming back to presence is hard and enduring work. However, you will never embark upon anything worthier; this journey sits at the pinnacle of worthwhileness.