Let Go And Moving On

We all know how 2020 had a serious impact on virtually every one of us. I am a person who likes to plan things out in advance. I am 'so clinging to details type', but I learnt a great lesson in 2020. I found myself making three major life changes that I have not even thought possible, let alone executed. And I learnt a great lesson that disruptions can sometimes be good, and we should not look at disruption as always unpleasant.

How Disruption Helped Achieve My Goal

In February of 2020, I was going to gift my close friend the Middle East Cruise. She was happy for us to go but preferred to go in April because of her other commitment. In April, no Cruise was possible, for the obvious reason of COVID-19. I had planned this Cruise since March of 2019 but wanted it to be a surprise February 2020 birthday present for her. Almost a year of planning and detailing has gone into the wind. I thought one should plan well ahead to avoid last-minute disruption. Nay. Lesson number one learnt.

In May 2019, all the news about the Pandemic was flying around creating fear and panic, as more and more were reported killed by the virus. I had to review my continuing to work, as I worked with the larger public, and catching it is a high possibility. Without thinking much about it, I tendered my resignation to the annoyance of my immediate Manager. 

''Lanu, what will you be doing?'' My manager asked. 'I don't know', I replied. And honestly, I had no idea what I would be doing. It is not that I was really financially comfortable. I had a mortgage, I had a personal loan and credit card, then recurrent bills. I thought about how I was going to manage, but the idea of NOT catching the virus, and staying safe was paramount in my heart. Each time, the government public announcement came in from the radio blasted in my ear, ''STAY HOME, STAY SAFE, PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THE VIRUS.'' seemed like a pat on the back that I have done well by leaving my job, but what was next for me, I wondered?

So much for an astute planner, a believer in details, an analyst to the core. Again I learnt another lesson here but kept wondering how to pay my bills if my savings ran out. I had no faintest idea of my next step.

''Our growth usually happens through disruptions'' Rob Bell 

On the first Tuesday in June after breakfast, I decided to check online for what I could do with my situation. What were the options available with all that I had? I ended up with an online chat with an organisation called, LIFE PLAN. They did analyse all the possibilities open to me, and some of them, they could offer. I did not like any from them, but it opened my mind to what I ended up doing. Selling up, my place, paying the outstanding on it, and moving out of the inner city to buy a place with whatever was left. Pronto. I was elated just thinking about this possibility of not having a mortgage. 

The man I chatted with emailed me back to ask if I have come to any conclusion. I informed him what I had decided. Apparently, they also have an Estate Agent and a conveyance firm. The two acted for both the sale of the old place and the purchase of the new property. Everything was concluded in five months. I still want to wake up from the dream that I was able to make such huge life decisions without even planning anything of them in advance.

What A Lesson For My Mental Health

Mental Health Practitioners have said over and over again that people like me, who like to meticulously layout details plans of actions are those who either lack confidence or have fear of failure. And such behaviour does stalls progress. Again perfectionist is the root for that fear of failure. It resonates with me, as I will never dream of doing any chores without mapping it out, how much more leaving a job, selling a house and buying another to move out of an area. It is really an unbelievable feat. A great lesson learnt again.

I have a routine, a daily one. I keep a journal. I write down my plan well ahead. I set goals. I try as much as possible to adhere to my set rules. How crazy can that be, leaving no room for probability? I must have been living under immense stress without knowing it.

And suddenly I was an observer of my own plan, not a participant. I was now talking with the goal setter who wasn't me, listened to advice, and allowed their wisdom to lead me forward. Having a plan I once believed in here no longer matter. I was just a follower, I was no longer in control and I want to let it be.

A note to myself now in the new year onwards is everything is going to be alright, don't worry, be happy.

As if to support my new mantra of letting it be, let each day decides what it will be when we get to the bridge, we shall cross it. I was listening to the news, in which a man explained that all his retirement investment pot was wiped out in the crash because of the pandemic. This he said, was thirty years investments and savings. What a big loss.

The Takeaways

We should be willing to learn from our mistakes, and making mistakes is part of the learning process. 

It is not always that we can be in control. We are meant to LEARN that we're capable. The learning is the gift. Without ups and downs, life would be mundane. 

Allow your intuition to guide you, let go of the control and trust things to fall into place. Most of our details are not always necessary. 

That is how I want to help my mental health wellness this new year. Let things flow naturally. 

''You don't have to climb Mount Everest or cross the world in a hot air balloon to live to the full. Simply enter each day with a commitment not to avoid anything or anybody who comes your way. Then your Everests will come to you, in the form of difficult people and challenging situations, and the only thing you will need to conquer is our own fear and evasions.' thoughtfortoday.org.uk

The best thing about being human is the ability to enjoy the journey and to savour the imperfections that will ultimately mould and shape you into the final version of who you are to be.