If you don’t matter..

”They hate me..”

“No one will miss me.”

“I’m ugly.”

“I can’t live without her, or him.. or it..”

These are fractured thoughts.. sadly, the final thoughts of one’s some of you and I love..

‘Suicide’;

Such a powerful word.

Such a tragic definition.

I wish there was a Paul Revere for those suffering in depression, lack of self-love, or who are codependent on narcissists..

I wish a modern day Paul Revere would light a beacon and scream “the thoughts are coming! The thoughts are coming!” to everyone victim of these fractured thoughts..

I wish there were A Paul and Paula to kiss every lonely heart, lips, and soul, of everyone who believes that ending Their Story will eradicate their problems, all of their perceived burdens on others..

I wish we had a beautiful or handsome Paul or Paula to enlighten you to the pure and simple authentic fact that your problems, and self-proclaimed burdens, will not disappear.

No.. nothing goes away. It’s transferred to those around you that you love.. As a ripple effect, and a significantly graduated tragic series of unfortunate events follows..

The parent(s) trembling in tears from never knowing what they could’ve done different to aid in the solution to your happiness.. blaming themselves.. Bearing the ultimate misfortune of burying their own child..

Or

The friend who will shed buckets of tears, ashamed of themselves for harmlessly deciding against reminding you that he or she loved or missed or just wanted one more opportunity to hold you but must wallow in pain for the rest of their life, blaming themselves, not you, for your absence.. Forever.

Or

Your secret admirer, who was too shy to tell you how beautiful you are, who can now only allow tears to drop from their nose, onto your beautiful headstone, discovering all but too late, that you crushed on them too..

And even now (in the future),

Fifty years later in your memory, and in their wrinkled skin, mr or mrs Grand shakily recounts to the youth his or her story, in hopes to ensure their era avoids repeating the powerful story we all know and (love?) of Romeo and Juliet.. if they’d but simply told him or her:

‘I “like” like you.’

Or

The little kid, a grade or two below you, that aspired to be like you. The boy or girl who respected your silent-but-aware-demeanor.. and now has to look up to the narcissists that dictated your misfortune, and your tiny spot in the back of a newspaper obituaries..

I once read a book about philosophy in prison, by Miguel Ruiz. In it he suggests to those lost in the world to consider abiding to Four agreements to themselves;

1. (Be impeccable with you word) Speak with authenticity. Avoid using Your word to speak against yourself & others. Use it to promote love, for yourself and for others.

2. ((My favorite) Don’t take anything personally) NOTHING others do is because of you! What others say and do is a result of their own perception of their rules. We all make our own rules about how life should be. But when you allow yourself to become immune to the opinions and actions of others, only then will you free yourself from needless suffering.

3. (Don’t make assumptions) Find the courage to ask questions that pertain to what you want in life. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With this one agreement you can completely transform your life.

4. (Always do your version of your best) Your Best is going to change from moment to moment; your best will be different while you are healthy as opposed to if your are sick. Under ANY circumstance, simply give your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret..

The S-word doesn’t Ctrl +Alt+del your problems..

It bequeathes them to the ones you love.

Please. PLEASE, always remember that those that matter in your life, won’t mind your flaws. And that everyone in your life who minds your flaws, don’t matter.

Be a Paul, or Paulette, and save a life. No deposit required.

Aggressively,

The guy who lost a crush that unknowingly crushed on him, too,

Some guy (S.H.)