I’ve Just Received A Letter Saying I have ‘Suspected Cancer!’

My stress levels are currently off the scale. As I write this, my heart is pounding in my chest and my legs feel as though they belong to someone else (Sadly, not Usain Bolt!)

Only ten minutes ago, I was singing along to my favourite tracks on Spotify when I saw the post lady at the door. Maybe she’s brought some good news I thought. Perhaps I’ve finally had a script accepted or won a writing competition.

Snatching the glowing white envelope from the letterbox, I couldn’t open it fast enough to receive all the good news …

‘Simon. You have been referred to Hospital for: SUSPECTED CANCER.’

Oh F..K!

There is a back-story to this, which I will share with you in a moment. But it is my firm opinion that they should never have worded the letter this way. All it has done is raise my stress levels to infinity and got me writing a final bucket list.

So just recently, I went to the loo and had some pain while having a pee. It got gradually worse during the night to the point I was in agony and could no longer sleep. Next time I went to the bathroom, I noticed some discolouration (sorry, I understand if you don’t want to hear this), then also noticed some weird little bits of grit in the pan.

Great! I thought. Now I’m peeing rocks.

So the next day, I did the responsible thing and phoned my doctor. She informed me it was very likely that I was in fact peeing rocks, although she called it something more boring …

Kidney Stones

I was asked to attend the surgery for a urine and blood test and the results came back that I had an infection. This was very likely caused by the irritation of all my little pee-rocks (Much more scientific!)

A few days later, a different doctor phoned to tell me that my PSA levels are up. Now, I just assumed this stood for Peeing Stones a lot, but the serious tone in their voice told me otherwise.

‘I’m referring you to Urology as an emergency. But try not to worry!’

Of course, my immediate reaction was one of complete calm and acceptance. I just got on with my day as normal. I certainly didn’t turn to google and ask what PSA was, nor did I start eating my emergency supply of comfort chocolates.

What I did discover from Dr Google however, is that high PSA levels can be a warning sign of prostate cancer. For a man in their 50s with a history of heavy smoking and drinking in their youth, my thoughts quickly turned to regret.

While I now eat all my greens, have given up smoking and only drink alcohol occasionally, I am under no illusions that I may have caused irreparable harm during my Live Fast Die Young days. If truth be known, I’m probably lucky that I’m still here at all. I was pretty wild back then.

But before closing my laptop, planning my own funeral and working out who gets my beloved record collection, I also read that when you have a kidney infection caused by pee-rocks, PSA levels can read very high too.

After some private detective work, it turned out the second Doctor I spoke to had absolutely no idea I had a kidney infection or was being treated for it with antibiotics. They only had the results of my blood test showing the PSA was high and assumed the worst-case scenario. Do these people not keep digital records?!

But even if the worst-case scenario turns out to be true after all (please, let it not be so), it is my opinion that the letter I received today should not have informed me in big bold letters that I have: SUSPECTED CANCER!

As someone who suffers from PTSD and Anxiety due to many years in the emergency services, all this letter has done is raise my stress levels to boiling point. The second doctor has now requested that I start taking my own blood pressure every day and send them in the results. My guess is the reading will be so high they will send me yet another letter telling me I’ve had a SUSPECTED HEART ATTACK!

So anyway. I leave you now in the hope that my current health issue is of the peeing-rocks variety and not the other one. But if it is the other one, I will accept it as my fate and fight it with everything I’ve got.

If anything, this sudden shock has given me a sharp kick up the arse (which would really hurt bad at the moment) and made me realise how important every single second of life matters. So today I’m going to start writing my first novel.

Thanks for reading

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Originally published at https://medium.com/never-stop-writing/ive-just-received-a-letter-saying-i-have-suspected-cancer-9a2d56c6b0c8?postPublishedType=repub