Holy Crap I'm 40: Fat Mom Marathon Edition

When you only have boys, and they ask you to spend time with them, you say yes. Because you never know when they will ask you again. So when my eldest asked me if I wanted to do a half marathon with him, I didn't even hesitate. Well, maybe a little, but he didn't notice. People seem to be in so much better shape nowadays. How hard could it be for my 40 year old self to run 13.1 miles? Pretty hard, so I trained to walk it. And hoped that I didn't finish last and would have people pointing and laughing at me.

Now as I have mentioned before, I am not the thinnest tool in the shed, and I am sensitive to certain things when it comes to size. Here is a little ditty about the exercise clothing that didn't fit...

It almost fits... NOT

Lululemon is the bane of my existence. The exercise clothes for the already thin and fit... not for the, "I would like to be thin and am trying to be fit." In order to deal with them, I have just chosen to let it be. For some reason, in the window of one of their stores, they used to have a statue of a zaftig, naked woman. I stopped walking by her because it aggravated me that she is naked because she doesn't fit into any of the clothing that Lululemon sells. I also thought I would get in trouble if I continued to throw peanut m&ms at her so she would have some nourishment. Poor thing.

Everyone at the gym I attend wears this brand, well, except for me and the one or two other fatties that have gotten past security. And that's ok. I am happy wearing my Billy Joel t-shirt and Chico's yoga pants.(Though I will never be doing yoga in them because that thought is, well, simply frightening-Using my own weight to build strength-seriously?? Are you nuts??? Do you want me to kill myself??) But I digress.

I am running 13.1 miles and you won't give me a rattle??

When you participate in the Miami half marathon, one of the attractions of the weekend is the Health and Fitness Expo. This is a very big room filled with anything you can imagine that is health and fitness related, hence, the name of it. When son #1 and I got there, there were two women standing there with a bunch of Lululemon boxes. I thought, "Goodie, free stuff I can bring home to my skinny friends." But, instead of asking what they were offering, I said, "Excuse me, why is your mannequin too big too fit into the clothes that your stores sell?" They looked at me with shock and surprise (or it could have been hunger and disgust) and said, "What are you talking about? Our mannequin is a size 6." Not in the store in my local mall. That was strike one. No free stuff and no explanation about my saucy soul sister who is stuck in the window.

This brings us to marathon day. Son #1 and I are "running" along at a nice pace and I see a bunch of skinny women in Lululemon attire cheering on the runners. They are holding these cute little (of course they are little) rattles with the Lululemon insignia on them. I thought maybe they can give me one to bring to my skinny friend's daughter. So while "running" I politely shout, "Hey, can i have one of those?" And they looked at me, with hunger, and said, "Ooh, sorry, they are just for the cheering squad." Strike two and three. Hey ladies–you guys were on the sidelines, this fat mom was doing the hard work-you couldn't spare a rattle? Did ya think i was going to eat it???

On that day, I gave up on Lulu, but I was certainly proud of myself that I finished 13.1 miles, with my son, which is really want is important anyway.