Funny Yoga Pick Up Lines

For avid yogis, yoga can be a physical, mental, and spiritual experience which rivals the feelings you may have during sex, thanks to the release of those happy little endorphins. Since both intimacy and yoga have many similar benefits to offer like stress relief, increased blood flow, and weight loss, how great would it be to join the two. The more yoga you practice the better sex life you can have and the more sex you have the better life will be! Not only does yoga do a body good, but it can also increase concentration, inspire thought, and open your heart, which are all positives if you are single and ready to yoga mingle. So next time you step into that studio full of relaxing music, tight pants, and pretzel-folded bodies, here are a few funny yoga pick up lines that are sure to start a very interesting conversation.

I can think of an activity that will make you sweat more than a 90-minute hot yoga workout.

If you are an avid yoga goer or a person who continuously manages their health and weight, then you obviously love any opportunity to burn some extra calories. So while this yoga pick up line may be completely cheesilicious it may actually be proactive in getting your brain to consider the offer, strictly for weight-loss purposes, of course. Did you know that in a standard 90-minute hot yoga class, an average person of 150 pounds can burn up to 716 calories? Now what if you were to trade out those 90-minutes of sweaty stretching with sweaty sex, how many calories would you burn then? Well, for straight sex alone you are looking at about 432 calories for the full hour and a half, however if you were to add some kissing, massaging, and oral into the mix you could burn an extra 300 calories, totaling in a whopping 732 cals.

I’d let you Chatuaranga over me any day.

Unless you speak fluent yoga, this sly one-liner will most likely fly right over your head. Luckily, I am here to translate his inappropriate annihilation of the word. Basically, if one were to approach you with this eloquent offer, he would be suggesting that you get on top of him, naked of course. This position, part of the Ashtanga-based yoga (which is most yoga in the US), is when you are in plank position and slowly lower yourself into a pushup where your core is held tight and elbows hug the side of your body, keeping your body completely aligned as it was in plank. This position is often done incorrectly, so before you fall for his big words and fancy yoga pants, have him perform the proper Chatuarnaga before offering to do the same.

You could bounce a quarter off that asana.

It is no secret that the way to a woman’s heart is through flattery. Depending on how serious he throws this pickup at you, his use of a pun and praise is enough to award him with a smile, even if you have no idea what the heck an “asana” is. Is it a body part, a position, a mythical creature? Well, while the word asana does have quite a few meanings in the yoga world, it most commonly is defined as a sitting position that is firm but relaxed. So in other words, he is saying that you have a nice ass. No further explanation needed.

My Cobra pose isn’t the only thing that’s rising upward.

Eeek! When will men learn that whenever they refer to their man parts as an animal, reptile, or other over-flattering object, that it immediately has girls grossed out and turned off? He must know that any yogini would fail to appreciate the comparison to one of the most popular yoga positions, the Cobra. If you are unfamiliar with terminology, the Cobra is often part of the Sun Salutation sequence, which is an excellent pose for stretching the muscles in the front of the torso, arms, and shoulders, as well as increasing flexibility of the spine. Its movements consist of lying on the floor, belly down, and slowly pushing up with your arms, raising your upper torso off the ground while keeping your abs and legs firmly against the floor. Now, if he were to be upfront, honest and compare himself to a baby garden snake, then just maybe she would giggle rather than gag.

Is it hot in this Bikram studio, or is it just you?

Wow, this pick up line is super original! Not! While I would like to say it’s a combination of both my rockin’ hot bod and the studio, chances are my smudged mascara and sweaty matted hair are not what is hot up in here. Most likely it is the 100-plus-degree yoga room mixed with the 90-minutes of 26 postures and breathing exercises that has you melting from the inside out. Why would anyone want to torture themselves in a steaming hot room with 15 other people who may possibly be opposed to the toxins in deodorant? For the love of yoga, that’s why! Plus, for the added benefits that stretching in heat provides detoxification, relieving stress, and healing chronic pains, aches, and injuries.

Are you doing Ananda Balasana, or are you just happy to see me, baby?

Are you asking me if I’m sleeping with someone named Ananda, because if so I am going to plank you in the face. That’s right, my relaxed body and mind just threatened you in a place of peace and serenity. Or maybe, just maybe, you are an experienced yogi and questioning if my position is that of Ananda Balasana, also known as the baby pose. In other words, if you are on your back, with your legs bent in the air, as you hold onto your toes than you, my friend, are doing the Ananda Balasana. This is one pick up line that once explained, could be extremely funny. And who doesn’t love a health-conscious partner with a naughty sense of humor.

Wanna join me for some downward doggy-style tonight?

Talk about being forward! This is one proposition that needs very little explaining, yogi or not. The yoga position, downward facing dog, is a commonly used phrase in and out of the studio for its effective stretch and connection to the sex position, doggy style. So what this clever fella did was suggest you get on all fours, naked, in his bedroom. Sound the alarms because this is no corny yoga pick up line, this is a full blown creepy one.

You’ve got great posture. I’d love to see you flow sometime.

This one-liner is wrong on so many levels. First, you sound like you are trying to be funny, which you’re not. Second, when a woman hears the word “flow” she will immediately think of her period and its flow. Third, there is pretty much nothing worse than an unfunny guy talking about a woman’s period. The end.

I bet you’re really flexible.

Well, since I’m at yoga class every week your observation would stand correct, I am indeed flexible, but thanks for trying. One of the main purposes of practicing yoga is stretching your muscles and increasing your range of motion, which if done regularly will improve your flexibility.

Your Sun Salutation would get me to rise every morning.

There is nothing wrong with a compliment, especially when it’s directed towards something you work hard at. Like your daily yoga. Now, did he have to include the morning wood comparison, probably not, but at least he didn’t actually say, “morning wood.” The Sun Sal is the warm up of many yoga styles and can also be found in other forms of exercise seeing that it is a great way to awaken the body and mind with simple movements in conjunction with controlled breathing.

I do yoga so I look better naked. Care to see my progress?

Listen, if the man who spews this line is actually good looking and if you are in the market for a one-night stand, then I see no reason not to take him up on his offer. The truth of the matter is he is telling the truth. Practicing yoga strengthens, leans, and lengthens your body. It can also lower blood pressure, relieve anxiety, and improve concentration which when all added up result in a better, longer, more aware lover. So hey, take it for what it is, at least he is honest and confident and it is obvious through his sleeveless tee that yoga has done his body good.

Once you finish deep breathing, do you want to start panting?

Well, well, well, I would reply by asking him if he kisses his mother with that mouth. There is something about the word “pant” that makes me feel dirty. I am not exactly sure why, but I am going to say it’s because you can’t think of panting without thinking of sex or a slobbery dog whose breath comes out in a hot and heavy pant. OK, that came off a little weird but you know exactly what I’m talking about.

If you think my camel is impressive, wait until you see my snake?

Once again, any man who refers to his privates as an animal or reptile is a total creep. And any man who compliments his own yoga pose before his killer penis-animal reference is a total dweeb, making this man a total cweeb. See what I did there? I know, brilliant. Anyway, for your own knowledge, the camel pose is when you are on your knees with your back and head bent backwards while touching your palms to the soles of your feet. This position is one of the 26 included in Bikram yoga (hot yoga) and is great for relieving neck and back pain caused by slouching, driving, and working on a computer.