From the towers to the high priestess

In a very highly stimulated world it is very difficult to find out exactly what you want out of life. Which can lead to repeated mistakes and choices that keeps us low vibrational, and regretful on our death bed. Just you and ”would have ” ”could have” and ”should have” in your bed. Well I refuse to have that happen to me. The result of all this direction could be blocking prosperity, peace, love, and acceptance of yourself. I could not hear my heart at one point in life it was just too fucking noisy. Me and my world were a mess and it was threatening my life.

Suffering from depression as an adolescent diagnosed as bipolar going through postpartum, and facing the breakdown of the century (its what it felt like) all these chapters in my life I am lucky I survived. I thank myself for never going through with it or yelling for help or leaving a trail of breadcrumbs of water and sometimes menudo to maybe, absorb the drugs and alcohol my body took the night before. I never wanted to die. I just could not hear nor feel my heart. I give thanks to myself now, I fell in love with myself. I hear my heart now despite all, what some might consider negative qualities I have learned to forgive, to accept, and give my ass a break, stop beating myself up for living and learning. I am just a stubborn type and wants to make sure the outcome will absolutely be the same. Some call it stubborn but I do not think its not any different than making sure u got your keys when you leave home. I woke up one day and said no fucking more! I turned on you tube like I did everyday and something came on the words that resignated from this random video that came on to my feed they said" take responsibility for your own happiness/joy" So what I would like to share with you is this gift. The gift of connection because I know you have been through as much or even more than I. Have been, knocked down so hard you could not get up without help. I want to share this this gift of simplicity, and shine a little light in a direction that might change your life tremendously. Now I am no doctor, psychiatrist, priest, buddahist, or even law biding citizen. I am just a person that has put herself in the wringer over and over, enough times to know that it sucks and is quite painful. I know now that those were just growing pains and I would not be me now , and I try not to worry about all that past shit because its who I am now is what matters.

The mind the body and soul really should be looked at as one, because if your lacking in one area, life is not as pleasant as it should be. I grew up catholic and never really connected to their beliefs. As a result I completely turned my back on spirituality. I thought the word spirituality was everything the catholic church forced in my head. Now I have come to realize that my way of thinking (black and white)is what blocked my understanding of the word spirituality. I did not become aware of my "inner world" until my late 30s. They say trauma can spark something to help you get enlightened and boy oh boy did I have trauma and drama. From failure, being in a toxic relationships, homelessness, and lonely suicidal behavior I have learned that self love is where its at. It is the basis to begin healing. I hated everything about me I hated my ex , I hated my mom , I hated the world cause I thought it was so fucked up, I could not accept that shit happens. People fuck up and we make the best mistakes ever. What I mean by that is, if I had not gone through that, I would have never found what I found. Now I see my ex as my angel, I see my mom as my learning tool, and the world is what you make it to be. If you think the world sucks your world will suck because, duh you live in it. Just take a look from a different perspective it really can be wonderful.

So a little back round on how I saved myself first then I will get to the point. One new years eve I decided to stop thinking and saying bad things about myself, and if I did I would replace it with a good saying or thought. It doesn't seem like much, but it's so much for example, I was homeless at the time and all of a sudden I had a roof over my head that is just how fast it helped me. My friend asked if I had done a past life regression. I never had and my poor soul was thirsting to show me things. That's when I started with self hypnosis/meditation/trance whatever you want to call it. It changed my life. I started to heal myself, I started listening to myself, and to my heart . I started to forgive me, I started to fall in love with me. You do not know how hard it is to write this without shedding a tear because it pains me to think how much I hated myself. Unconditional love you must have it for you to live any kind of life. I wanted to die 3 years ago, now I want to live to be 104. You cannot tell me that it does not work because I am living proof. When you shut the fuck up and just listen there's endless healing, love and ideas that your soul wants to pour through you. Every problem can be solved just shut up you can just about figure things out if u just listened. I'm not saying all people talk (even though I do)too much, its just there a lot of us and a lot of distractions everywhere. Its quite easy to ignore you, its a little too easy. Our vehicles are better taken care of than ourselves. How do I start meditating ? You are probably asking well, I can give you an idea and share how I did, but ultimately you will find your thang. Like I mentioned earlier I can shine a bit of light in the direction you want to go. How do I know ? You ask. You would not be reading this if you did not want to go this way . Okay so There are 6 types of meditations and many others because we all uniquely make it our own just to name and describe a few:

-mindfulness

-spiritual

-focus

-movement

-mantra

transcendence

mindfulness- meditation is just letting your thoughts flow through but don't attach to them, so no judgment you simply observe.

spiritual meditation- which is basically connecting with god. prayer seeking a deeper connection.

Focus- focus on any of the 5 senses, for example, your breath is ideal for people who need to focus better in their life. it is not the easiest but practice makes perfect.

movement-things like yoga, walking, running, gardening,tai chi, etc

mantra-when you make a sound to clear the mind such as om.

transcendence this one more for people who like structure and are serious about practicing meditation

As for myself I did different ones I found on you tube. The first one I think I did was a 5 min mindful meditation. I found that if I start off small then increase with time I would not be overwhelmed. Now I can lay there for an hour if I wanted. This is the greatest advice I can give is get comfy. I put a pillow under my knees and never sit except for short ones because my back hurts. It doesn't matter just b comfy and if you need a guide you can find a guide on you tube there are a million apps as well. The first thing I noticed is I started remembering my dreams I had not remembered a dream prior for years. I never could see the colors when the guide would tell me to imagine something and I could not see after a while of practice I started seeing any color I wanted, then I saw is what I thought was an angel (with my mind's eye). it was something flying I thought it was Satan at first because it looked scary but I just observed then I started to see it and wasn't Satan but to this day I can close my eyes and see her always flying. Past life regression has helped me the most have some really big breakthroughs, breakthroughs so large all of sudden I started to get creative I started cutting shirts then sewing than just trying to create everything and anything I could learn on You tube. I was not so embarrassed about showing my art now I sell it online. I mean I was so afraid of people judging my work because it was from a place deep within, but I can tell you I am not anymore I get nervous here and there but what I have gathered is I created so much my stuff is not everybody's cup of tea, but its somebodies tequila. You're entitled to your own opinion. Art is made to make people think those neg thoughts means it worked right. I like to get peoples wheels a moving that means I am properly doing my job. Any who, I do not know if those past lives were real but I know I have healed, and observing my past lives was the only way my brain could get me to understand, and boy was I ready to let go of so much. So try it out I will be coming out with my own meditation soon to help you guys the best advice I'd give you before you begin is go change to your most comfy clothes and get your favorite pillows. I only say this because it helps me if you would like to not be in your comfy clothes and want to stay in your heels, by all means, don't let me be the one to stop you. When you start just observe that is it don't judge. Watch your thoughts come in and out don't attach the point is to look within when all is quiet. I get asked a lot how to meditate so I hope this helped. I bid you healing soul searching.