Depression

To me , depression is this stupid made up word that people came up with and just decided that it should mean sadness. I am pretty convinced that I have been depressed my whole life up until now. I did the whole suicide thing , tried to kill myself 3 times. Its so weird when I think back on how sad I was and I still can't believe I tried to commit suicide. It makes me sad to think that I tried to kill myself. I recently became very spiritual , I tried to go to church and do the whole bible study thing. But, it just didn't work for me. I was at this time in my life where I was working two jobs and I was miserable. I will never in my life ever work two jobs ever again.

I was a cashier at a retail store and I was a caregiver for mentally disabled adults. I fucking hated it. I gained a lot of weight and I didn't have a glow in my skin I just looked depressed. I was becoming very bitter and just hating my life and everyone's life. I didn't care about anything. It was the lowest I have felt in a long time . One day I was talking to a customer at my job and she told me about how she was going to smudge her house and she told me where to go and how to do it. So in my head I'm already thinking I don' have anymore to lose or gain. I went to this little store in my home town , now I live in a small one horse town okay. So when I say there is a spiritual store here in this small ass town I was pretty shocked to.

I ended up leaving this store with 5 sage sticks and like 10 healing stones it was insane. I felt so at home as soon as I walked in. I didn't even know what provoked me to buy healing stones. At the time I didn't even know stones could heal you. I started meeting a lot of people who are also on the same wavelength as me, I started meditating everyday and I started to open my mind more. I didn't even know that was a thing. I just recently started doing yoga which I will write more about in time because I am still learning more about it. But, yoga is the best thing I could of ever started doing or myself. But , The moral of this story is if you are feeling depressed please find a way to get out of it. I did and I am so happy because I saved my life.

It all starts with your mindset, when you are thinking negative you are always focusing on the negative side of everything. You don't even give your brain a chance to look at both sides. A therapist told me one time that I don't need to react to every thought I have. And that's what depression is, its just a thought. You tell yourself everyday you're depressed and you will keep being depressed. It's that easy and I don't need anyone telling me it's hard because I have been there and I did it and you can to. I decided that I wanted to take control of my own life and I was going to let my mind take control over me any more. True happiness start in the mind before not the heart.