Coming Into Chronic Pain In 2021

Chronic pain is brutal. Life sucking, energy-draining, can’t sleep or eat, horrible. It literally consumes your every waking moment and for many of us, the toll of this pandemic has made everything worse.

The Cleveland Clinic defines chronic pain as:

Chronic pain is pain that is ongoing and usually lasts longer than six months. This type of pain can continue even after the injury or illness that caused it has healed or gone away. Pain signals remain active in the nervous system for weeks, months or years. Some people suffer chronic pain even when there is no past injury or apparent body damage.

I’ve been in pain for nearly five years. That is every second for the last several years my life has been a living hell. I learned to cover it up and had even normalized my pain for the few first years but this past spring, it all came crashing down, and now I’m not only in pain, but my right arm also goes numb all the time.

To say it sucks is underestimating how it’s changed my life. I had to leave my day job editing video footage for a newsroom and my screenwriting career is on hold partially due to the pandemic itself shutting things down but also because I haven’t been able to write in about 6 months.

When you can no longer ignore your pain

I’d been pretty successful in keeping my pain down or working through it. Honestly I accomplished a lot in the first several years of my chronic pain. I sometimes think that I was trying to accomplish so much because I knew one day I’d need to slow down. When that happened, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

The worst thing for me isn’t the pain, insomnia, or appetite changes, it’s that I haven’t been able to write like I want to. It’s in my soul to write, it always has been, so this new symptom of having my arm lose feeling, really stopped me short. When your main creative outlet gets yanked from you, it can be hard to enjoy anything in life.

When my arm started experiencing numbness and I had to stop working, I decided it was time to start a new treatment plan. This time, the doctors didn't think the problem was in my neck or my shoulder but in my brachial plexus. Off to a round of tests and referrals! I spend most of my time waiting for insurance approvals and appointments with specialists.

Covid is complicating things by making some potential treatments unavailable and it’s just all-around much harder to go in to see providers right now, especially those specialists I need. I did finally get a diagnosis of neurogenic Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, which at least helps to focus a treatment path. Months later I got a different diagnosis but the conditons are treated the same.

Do you know how hard it is to get treated for pain until you have an actual diagnosis? It’s incredibly frustrating and all you want is answers. I ended the year having tried multiple treatments with either zero or minor success but at least I had some answers.

Now, with not many treatment options beyond physical rehab, which I’ve been doing since August, I’ve hit the point of being frustrated and right back to determined. If I’m going to live the rest of my life possibly in pain, I need to figure out how to do that and I need to start now. I am not going to allow this pain to take from me what could be an incredible year.

I let the pain take over my life last year, and honestly that’s just fine. I have an incredibly painful condition and needed time to heal not just my body but my mind and how to deal with this. I’ve been through many life changes such as marriage, divorce, having kids, losing loved ones, but this is the hardest one for me to bounce back from. But I have to bounce back in some form because sitting at home all day feeling bad for myself isn’t a sustainable way to live.

Every moment last year has been focused on how to feel better and how to not live in as much pain. I tried every natural supplement and medical treatment I could. Meditation, yoga, and therapeutic massage alternating with doctors visits. I’ve had needles poked into my skin and steroids and lidocaine injected into muscles. Nerve blockers and legal weed. I’ve tried all options and any suggestions that sounded partially reasonable. That’s just what you do when you are suffering.

Ultimately, I’ve gotten into a decent routine of physical therapy plus CBD/adaptogens that have started making my overall pain level lower. That’s the goal, to lower the pain level so not as much of your life is being affected. For many chronic pain patients, there may be no end to the pain.

In my case, there is a good chance I can live relatively pain-free after a long period of more PT but it isn’t guaranteed. It’s to live a “normal” life when every move hurts. Things like brushing my hair and getting dressed, hurt. I’m in my early 40’s , and my hand shouldn’t cramp up when chopping vegetables but because of nerve compression, it does.

Do you have any idea how bad it is for your mental health when you suddenly can’t do the simple things anymore? The things you used to not even think about because it was just a naturally easy thing to do? I think that any chronic pain patient who wants to get better and live a fuller life should seek pain management counseling.

Being able to express and understand your pain in a mental health setting is invaluable for learning how to work forward. It made me realize that I’m not the only one who suffers like this or has had their life upended. It brings strength to your healing process when you realize you don’t need to give up, you just need to adjust.

Adjusting is Key

It’s both adjusting your attitude to pain and adjusting how you approach the world. One adaptation I made was using voice to text software to help me write. It doesn’t work well with all the formats I write in but it is a great tool to use when I need it. And it’s ok to need it. That’s a hard thing to accept, suddenly needing help or tools.

Going from being completely able-bodied to having to deal with major physical limitations is a rough path. Everyone deals with it differently and everyone’s abilities are different. That’s something you learn on this journey, others suffer with you but you all are unique in your pain and issues.

This year, instead of focusing on the pain and how it works against me, I’ve decided to figure out how to accomplish my goals while living with pain. Of course I'll still be working on getting better and doing all of my physical therapy exercises but I’m no longer going to allow it to hold me back.

Can’t hold a knife to chop vegetables? Find a kitchen gadget that you can use to do that. Difficulty in dressing? Get clothes without button closures that you can easily pull on. While there are things that I may not physically be able to adjust to, I can always adjust my thinking on it. Instead of being negative about what I’ve lost, I’m going to focus on the things I can change.

I hope I’m able to work through my daily pain and get back to a place where I feel at least somewhat normal but I know I’ll still have days where I can’t do anything and those days aren’t failures, they are just opportunities to rest and think. It’s never going to be easy to live with chronic pain but I can make it easier on myself.

I encourage anyone suffering with chronic pain to not give up, even when you feel like you are ina runaround with the medical system, because it can change and you can live better. This piece is the longest thing I’ve been able to write in months and I wouldn’t have been able to write it just a few months ago, so it’s a major success.

May all your days be filled with small successes and may your pain level drop lower.