Birthmarks, Who Knew?

When I was born, I had a large brown spot on the back of my right leg. It started in my upper inner thigh and went all the way down to my calf. We’re talking huge. The entire width and length of my hamstrings. Who would have known that it wasn’t cancer? It wasn’t raised, light brown, not dark but also as parents, don’t take chances. So my parents brought me in before I was 3 months old and they took a skin sample. I was left with a small scar in the shape of a bowtie and upon reading the results, nope it’s just a birthmark. “It just makes him special.” They said. “But the world will only know I’m special if I’m wearing shorts!”

Did you know there are 8 different kinds of birthmarks? (I mean, really, who knew?) Most of the men in my family have Salmon Patches on the backs of our necks. A dear friend had a Port-Wine Stain on her face until she had it lasered off as an adult. My best friend’s mom has a Cavernous Hemangioma on her wrist. My niece had a Raspberry Hemangioma on her forehead that went away after a few years. My mom has a brown Café-Au-Lait on her arm—aha! That’s where I got it! (Actually it’s not certain that you’ll have a birthmark just because your parents have one—just like you might have one while your parents don’t.) … There’s also Mongolian Spots, Venous Malformation and Congenital Nevi. Birthmarks are all either brown or red and in some cases can be problematic to your health. Thank god the only issues I’ve seen have been aesthetic.

When I was 12, I was invited to a dermatological convention. (Who knew that existed?) My mom and I waited in an examination room and somewhere from 25-30 dermatologists came in and examined me while I stood on a platform. I was in my underwear and would pose with my feet in parallel or in turn-out and the doctors were mere inches away from me examining every inch of my skin looking for other spots, any changes of color, etc. I vividly remember one doctor with a black light who pulled the elastic of my tighty whiteys down just enough to shine the light on my pubic area. (But enough about that.) We got 25-30 different opinions and they got to see an extreme outlier.

After the convention, I was told I have “One of the largest Café-Au-Lait’s ever seen” (I mean, it didn’t surprise me but, who knew?!) I was then invited back to the hospital to have my picture taken for a medical journal. Very similar as the convention, I stood in front of a blue backdrop and the photographer had me stand in parallel, turn-out and took pictures from front and back. He only took pictures from the waist down and the birthmark is the only real identifying feature. My parents still have the pictures and I have never seen the medical journal in real life.

When I was 21, 3 friends and I went to get tattoos together. I ended up getting a Keith Haring dog barking at the bowtie scar. There are a lot of reasons for this tattoo but the biggest was to celebrate the color of the birthmark. He also pops out when I wear shorts!

Maybe this is what I should have written my college essays about. Sure, you have plenty of students with a 4.0 GPA but do you have one of the biggest birthmarks in the world?? Doubt it! And here I was thinking it was my creativity, uniqueness, nerve, and talent that made me special. Who knew?