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An Elder...or just...getting older?

Choose wisely, folks

By Roxanne CottellPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 20 min read
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ELDERS IN PROTEST OF TMT AT THE TOP OF MAUNA KEA - #KŪKIAIMAUNA

In his book, Saturn Returns:Thinking Astrologically, author Tom Jacobs poses a very interesting idea, to be sure.

It is not that he outright asks the question (because it really was not asked but was more of a statement) but that the question has been in my head since I read the passage - Do I want to Become Elder, or, am I just going to follow everyone else and just get older?

Those people in that photo tell me a whole lot about me in that, I Am Becoming Elder, because these people are Elders, not old.

Here in the United States we seem to fear and loathe aging, as though somehow we can stave off dying, or at the very least, getting old, wrinkly, and not very appealing to others in the way that we felt we were in our early twenties.

People are still worried about prolonging their lives, all whilst injecting themselves with teeny tiny bits and pieces of botulism into their faces, so that they do not have to look their age, getting their posterior sides made more bulbous, their tummies neatly tucked - and while I understand that there are things that we do not want to have happen, aging is not something that we have a choice in, no matter who tells you what. (However, if you want to know a few tricks, you can always email me).

He mentioned something about how people talk about getting old versus maturing.

He also says a whole lot about (and that I agree with) how it is that when we feel like we are not anything but old, because we are getting older everyday, the Universe does all it can to conspire to make everything that we believe will happen (as opposed to what we wish for...stop that already - that is SUCH a Pluto in Leo generation thing to wish for things like a child wishes for a new toy....please stop that) happen.

My thinking is that if we happen to think that we are meant to get old right now, then what we will do is just that.

What my other thinking is?

Haha....all of those fans of Cher are about to hurl on themselves.

.... the generation before ours had Cher, and well, ladies - WE HAVE JLO...

...and to that extent, all these little teeny bopper rap chicks thinking that what they are spittinʻ is something they came up with - nah, girls...hahaha, that belongs to your mothersʻ generation.

You know - MINE, the one called X.

For reals.

I said it - so please, deal with it.

We might not have invented that shit, but I PROMISE YOU that we were the ones who made it okay to like that shit, no matter what that shit is.

Except crack, meth, and whatever the hell else it is that you all think we love. We donʻt.

Look around you.

Seriously -take notice of who is out there walking that shit out (called "age"...bitches, PLEASE) (Hahahahahahaa).

...and further, please DO understand that it is that generation of women marked "X" who seem to have that ...look good at any age thing....down to a science, and a whole LOT OF US WITHOUT SURGERY.

Sure, maybe some to the body, a little to the face (MAYBE) but, that girl tribe called X?

JLo...she is our leader, and Princess Leia?

Hahahahaaaa ya sure did NOT see her jumpinʻ around half nekked in a see-through airplane, thatʻs for damned sure.

Nah man - she was a PRINCESS who was cruisinʻ the Millenium Falcon with the man named Solo, dragging her all over Space, driving him crazy whilst they fell in Love...and that is the same story for a whole LOT of women in MY generation.

We found the real thing...or rather, got smart, stopped looking for Mr. Perfect and allowed Mr. Right to find US....no shit.

The very all of us, at this point, and we are SO NOT DONE - hahahahahaa yeah - AGAIN - I said it so deal with it.

And PLENTY of us are PERFECTLY PEACHY KEEN HAPPY WITHOUT A PIECE OF PAPER, because hahahhahaaaa yeah Oh my goodness YEAH HELL YEAH be jealous of all of us...because seriously, even if we get it, it ainʻt about anything more than actually loving someone else.

I promise -we do not need it.

We are divorced.

And widowed.

And abused.

And a whole host of a lot of other shit that we did not ask to be.

Yet, here we ALL ARE - the very lot of us "GenXer" women, loving and living our lives the way that we were told it would not work out for us.

Even my cave is working out for me, and why?

Because there is a guy on the shore waiting, always, to know when his Hula maiden is coming back to him, thatʻs why - and no he is not the same guy that yʻall wanted.

In fact, NONE of them are. We werenʻt needy to compete with our men, because we knew and still know that the thing they ALWAYS and ONLY want to do is BE with us - not for money, or status...but FOR US.

Again....I said it, so deal with it. (Christine, wherever you are at this time, I hope you are well, love).

The lesson from the previous generation, at least for this lady, is NOT to be grateful for whatever you have only, but, be very grateful for the thing that you wanted and actually got way more than...

...but they did not teach us that. Why?

Well, look at your social media accounts.

Who is bitter, you?

No, of course not you -never you. You have been through way too much that you have been told to eat shit about, and you did.

And you served that shit soup up, I am certain, with a Pilsner or some other something that your own mother, your own father, your kidsʻ dad, your snobby friends would never dare DREAM to pair with, let alone offer as anything at all cool to your friends.

Right?

Please do not fear aging, for it is not that at all.

What you are doing, instead, is perfecting your life.

We have all and often heard about "the silver lining," and the only thing that any one of us needs to think about is which side we are going to part that cool ass shit on....

And on a side note...

My guyʻs hair is a beautiful silver, strung throughout with shades of who he thought he was, only to find out that everything young about him stares back at him in the mirror, and that every dark strand tells not only me, but him, more than anyone else, that he is always going to be "that guy," and at least if not to him, then always to me...

And for reals...GenX guys? Leave the grey alone...we actually LIKE IT.

Of course, as an Astrologer and knowing all about how to read into charts and interpret them, my curiosity peaked when I thought more and more about the idea that in my Hawaiian culture, we do NOT fear aging.

In fact, our Elders - namely those ones in the photo up there - are like demigods to us. All us Hawaiian people desire to make it to the age that those people in that photo are because why?

They are our Elders, and they know so much more than we all do. Their knowledge of our culture and who we are as a people is so much more profound and real than anything we read about, because we do not read about too many Elders staying at the top of a snow covered mountain for very long.

Unless, of course, we are talking about Elders as opposed to people who think and believe and speak into being the one thing that, at least in the US, is like speaking your death to come faster (and typically does) when all anyone can think is that they are getting old, as opposed to becoming an Elder.

No matter how kick ass JLo is, to this middle-aged chick, the people in the photo will always be the very ones who we all ought to aspire to, intend to, manifest into our lives the energy of becoming that thing called ELDER, and let the OLDERS have what they will.

Becoming Elder

My mother made it a thing when my brother and I were kids, that rather than fear getting older, we would embrace it.

Rather than getting things botoxed, lifted, injected, etc., etc., she made it so that we would appreciate who we were becoming, and I have always believed that she raised us as the Hawaiians that we became for that one thing - Becoming Elder.

These ones, these Kupuna, these Elders in the photo are bad asses - they were recently cleared of any criminal wrongdoing for their peaceful protest for ALL OF US at Mauna Kea.

They are heroes in our culture, a credit to who we are, caring for this planet and everything that stands as Sacred and very Holy to EVERY Hawaiian person everywhere.

These are the ones who saved a huge part of our Ancestral history, are the ones to whom credit is due because of the fact that at the top of that mountain, as I keep on repeating, every time I write about anything Hawaiian, Hula, Hawaiian Culture - there are species at the top of that mountain that do not exist anywhere else. There is a lot of cultural spiritual history there (of which my entire life as a healer and life coach has depended upon, if for nothing else, to help heal my own soul). There is a lot of ...historical type history there...

And the Elders are who led the charge up that mountain, not focusing their sights on ANYTHING MORE than (no, not saving Mauna Kea BUT) preserving the sanctity of our Beliefs, of our Deities who live at Mauna a Wakea, of all of our lives beginning and ending right there, as Hawaiian souls in the circle of life.

Just knowing that I come from a group of people known for navigating the sea by using the stars is something that makes me know the difference between getting old and becoming The Elders.

"The Elders"

Hawaiian culture - everything about our culture is about love, respect and duty, not to just our own families, but, to the earth, Herself, as well as all others, not just our own people, but to all people

Yes, I know - there are a lot of my people who do not like or trust people outside of our own. But, thing is - this fight for the top of the mountain made at least a lot of middle-aged Hawaiian people all over the world think about one thing - if we,too, will also be that bad ass when we are that age.

I feel like we will be, so long as we remember one true thing - we are either becoming Elders who are wise and strong and brave, able, still, throughout the course of however long the rest of our lives will be, to stand up for who we are, stand strong in the face of things that together, we have learned will take all of us to make happen....or, we are doing what the people who stave off aging wants us to do, which is to buy into the narrative that keeps people trying hard to NOT wear the snow-cap of Wisdom.

I much prefer the "Elder" as opposed to "older" and it is not because I fear aging. It is because all of our lives, no matter who you are, that word "Elder" comes with many more positive connotations about it than does the word "older."

The word "older" refers to us when we are WAY younger, and we believe ourselves to be intrigued by things that older people "get" to do. It refers to a time when we, as those young people, were still believing that 30, and 40, and 50, and 60 years of age on this planet is still a long while away.

No, kiddos - it is not. My proof is sleeping right now, on her day off from the salon, and my other proof is that sharing those covers with her is her partner of 6 years. More proof is also still asleep, his not yet 18 year old self needing the same amount of sleep he did when he was a tiny little kid, and his older brother, at 27, is probably not asleep right now but, I bet he wishes he were.

And all of this just proves to me that over the course of time, I have NOT been working towards making it as an older person in what seems to believe it is a younger world, but, as the Wise and life-taught Elder, sent to this lifetime to bear witness to things that too many people believe only happens to other people, sent here to explain things clearly, to guide others from those places that I have been, to help them heal what they cannot talk about, even sometimes with their very own selves.

We are NOT the generation which gave us the material things that would help us get to this point, where we are not inclined to question anyoneʻs authority. I donʻt know if anyone has been paying attention but, that generation that is in the middle between Pluto in Leo and Pluto in Scorpio - essentially our parents and our children....we are Plutos in Virgo and Libra and we are who comprise the Generation the world has marked as being X.

We can continue to see ourselves as getting old, or, we can shift that focus of who we are and call ourselves The Elders Becoming.

Lots (yet, fortunately, not all) who comprise the generation which birthed ours and who expects that we become what many of them have tried avoiding (which is "older" as opposed to becoming an Elder) is so NOT who we are and who we wonʻt ever be.

It was not ever ours for the men in our generation to end up with a sports car and a girlfriend who was not but a few years older than his oldest kid.

It was never ours for the women in our generation to try hard to stomp all over each other, in a grab not only for notoriety in our careers, but also in a grab, of all things, to keep up with the men in our lives, and men who actually made these women compete with them for status.

Some of our mothers did their best to raise us to become what they were told they could not, and now a whole LOT of people who came before us wants to shout GIRL POWER but, not without TRYING hard to make it seem that without yʻall, somehow our lives are going to fall apart.

When again was it that you were still cleaning your own house? When was it again that you were there, right with all of us, as you chowed down on everything diet and having things lifted, cut out, implanted, etc etc, gorging on what would have and could only be thought of as the dragonʻs head finally gnawing on that tail that too many women whose generations bookend ours, seem to believe still, for reals, that if you can afford to get that procedure done then you ought to treat yourself nicely and shave off thirty years as opposed to putting things back where they were BEFORE those kids were born....

Ladies, I am TRYING to do that right now, but, all you saw was yourselves getting OLDER as opposed to becoming an ELDER.

No worries, there is still time.

My generation isnʻt truly bitter - we will teach you because we taught ourselves the things that you told us you had no time to (because, you know, it was easier to just let us "wing it," and "fake it til you make it" hahahahaha what?) As though you were just throwinʻ money at all of us or something hahahahahahaa - sorry, my generation knows the actual difference between "fake" and "not fake" and well, if the fake wears well still -then wear it, no matter how much it costs for your aging ass to try hard to meet up with that picture in your head...even Cher canʻt do that, no matter how great her surgeons are.

Then to have the very NERVE to tell the women in MY generation that we were not up to par with others...gimme a break, okay?

I would really love to know when certain people of a certain age, older or younger, will suddenly STOP behaving like the know it alls that too many of you are NOT. You people, regardless of what you care to believe, do NOT have all of the answers, just because you have a lot of the money, a lot of the voting power, a lot of excess in EVERYTHING that you like telling people makes you powerful.

How boldly...Aquarian-like of you, to take the work that we, as a generation, have done, and tell the world that it is "good, but..."

No.

Itʻs just good.

No "but" and no, I do not care who will have something to say about these words once they have hit certain kinds of eyes. The time has come, not for anyone else to see us as we actually are, but, for us to begin to take the seat at the head of the table, and not as "older" people.

Hahaha...nah - we are at that place called our middle-age time, and it is my opinion that there is a whole generation or two that likes to keep ours where it is.

Which is a lovely thing because our parents, the Boomers, seem collectively to believe that we are yet slacking, when in reality all of our lives we have had to be resourceful. We were trying to feed ourselves, and likely our younger siblings, or, we were losing our childhoods while the majority of you guys were off spending our college money.

Again... I said it, so try to deal with it.

You can no longer send us to our rooms without the dinner that we cooked.

You can no longer take the car keys to the cars that you hung over our heads and knew we would do ALMOST ANYTHING to just drive "our" cars.

You can no longer tell us that we are "good, but" and even if you did, we have proof that even when you told us that shit all that time ago, we did not listen very well then, either.

We were not havinʻ it that what many of you wanted us to be was the very opposite of what we grew into, and lots of you still had the and have the very nerve to tell us that we do not know what we are doing.

I beg to differ....we lived, through addiction, illness that we got well from all on our own. We made it through every horrible administration that yʻall tried talking us into believing in, and when we refused?

You went about the world to tell it what awful kids you have, and really, with how much you made us raise ourselves, I cannot believe that there are some of you who think you know your now adult kids, but, you really donʻt, at least not to the extent that you need to or at least try to. A whole whole lot of you are still in "we are your mommy and daddy" mindset and well, lots of us have been BOTH those people for all of our kidsʻ lives.

SO, what seems like a long winded lambasting of the Boomers in our lives, it is actually something that many of them will understand, which is what we were grounded for, all of our lives, NOT because of more than what at least this specific writer believes, which is that whole....Peter Pan at 55 with a sports car and a girlfriend named Nikki who will be all of 23 in two weeks.

I am right, where a whole lot of the Pluto in Leo generation is concerned.

Might wanna go and look up "Pluto in Leo," and "Pluto in Virgo," and "Pluto in Libra" to get the feels of what all of this generational boundary-keeping is all about.

For reals, there are a whole lot of them who have NO IDEA WHY they are like this.

Again - it ainʻt all of you who hail from the Woodstock generation, but it sure the hell is a whole LOT of you.

To those who still think you look cool with all of that hubris that you call success....your successes are measured in the things that the generation that follows yours say about yours, and really, there are lots of us who you are adequately still trying to parent....stop, already.

We have borne children who also think like you do, and ought to - they are in their twenties.

And some of you?

Watching that 23 year old walking out of your life is probably not easy at all.

We told you about this a long time ago.

By the way, that 23 year old is now 43 and you are ....well, NOT.

Since lots of the people born in that generation seem unable to STOP "parenting" us seem also to be nearing that time when they might need us, I am just telling the lot of you who seem to think that the whole "honor thy mother and thy father" crap does not apply to other parents, only ours, you might want to recognize that the people who you collectively ignored, while we might not be running the world, we are doing a great job of living the truth. Even when it hurts, and even though we are aware that we are the ones who are responsible for us.

Lots of boomers never really understood that word "responsible."

No worries folks, the generation which was forced to be responsible right around the age of 11 ainʻt worried - we know our bodies are growing older, and we are all okay with it. We realize, through all of that self taught time in our lives, and because Biology was a class we all took, what aging is all about.

We have made an art, not of getting older, but doing something that no one can do, not even a group of people, without having to get there without instructions.

That is called GenX - and it does NOT matter who thinks what of my words.

I wonʻt care because that is what I was taught - not to care what other people think of what is very truly the most bright, white-hot truth that anyone could write way too much about....that the botox and the bullshit and the big fat house does not matter if you canʻt get there without being driven there.

Hahahahahaaa fortunately, for my generation, we were raised by the self-help guru bunch, the chakra and "tough love" bunch....

We see the lies which were meant to save us, somehow, from the hurt that you put on us and the guilt that you claim to have felt, as you stated to all of the therapists in our lives, until we hired them ourselves. We already had the truth. Therapy taught us to cope with it.

Generation X - my people....guys, all that time that we all spent in rehabs, in therapists offices, in detention hall, hiding out at our friendsʻ houses, for all of our lives, made one thing very clear, at least to me.

We can, and we do, depend on one another, which is something that no one can ever take from our "slacker" asses, ever.

The reason that I believe we were left to tend to and fend for ourselves is because somehow, the fates knew that the mess left behind could only be made right by the very people who had to spend almost an entire lifetime trying so hard just to get our parents, a whole lot of us, just to tell us that we did something right, and not that it was "good, but."

The greatest thing that my generation is doing right this moment is very gracefully and in the most lovely way, Becoming Elder.

If that ainʻt the greatest collective act of lifelong rebellion, I canʻt think of what might be.

I aspire to Being Elder.

It doesnʻt require botox.

aging
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About the Creator

Roxanne Cottell

Iʻm a certified NLP Life coach in SoCal who writes about healing, astrology, my life as a community voice, as well as making sure the world knows that Hawaii is home to lots of people - my people, Na Kanaka Maoli O Hawaii Nei.

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