20 Rules for the Gym

COVID-19 might make it seem redundant to talk about the gym, but with the rules now being bent for some of them, I think that it is fair to talk about a problem that will not go away soon.

A report from a few years ago stated that young men were spending less time at the gym. This was discovered through videos relating to the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) movement - worthy of a whole article on its own - and how those same young men were not just avoiding time at the gym, but also devoting that spare time to not dating, playing video games, and imbibing excessive amounts of junk food and time on the web with porn and certain forums. And the recent lock-down and self-quarantining have not helped, either.

I connect those vices with the gym denial for a reason. If more of these young men got in shape, maybe those other bad habits would no longer be so alluring.

Perhaps…

But there is the other problem: the gym itself.

What if you have never stepped inside of a gym since high school? What if the thought of going to the gym reminds you of all of the bullies and teachers you encountered; the ones who drove you crazy with their critiques and overdeveloped sense of their own worth? And what if no one inside of your peer group has ever shown even the slightest interest in stepping inside of a gym? Peer pressure matters. And these obstacles are ones that are rarely mentions when considering the problems of the “obesity epidemic” and the devalued self-worth of young men.

Now, I am no health expert, but I do know something about working my way around a gym. I know the etiquette. This, to me, is much more important that just providing a description of an exercise routine to improve your shape or defining a long-term fitness goal. You will live a much more peaceful life if you know how not to annoy the people around you when they are exercising and tempt the staff to ban you from coming back before you see any results. So, I have come up with a list of rules that have helped me and could help you make your time at the gym a pleasant one.

A List of Rules for Peace at the Gym:

1) Do not stare (you are not there as a tourist).

2) Never start a conversation with a stranger unless you absolutely have to do so (let the other person start one; make sure you end it).

3) Do not hover by the machines you want to use (if it is taken, wait somewhere not too close by; it is always annoying to notice when people pretend not to be noticing).

4) When you wipe down a machine – and this is another rule you should follow – do not leave it in a state that makes it worse than when you used it (keep it clean).

5) If you do not know how to use it, either ask for help or avoid it (always annoying to see the potential lawsuits in action).

6) Never ask someone at the gym for a date while they are exercising (in fact, maybe leave your romantic feelings in the changing rooms, trapped inside a very smelly locker).

7) Put the weights back in the right place (do people really find it that hard to read numbers while or after a routine?)

8) Put the earphones and portable devices away (there are enough bad pop songs out there on various gym sound systems to keep your ears preoccupied).

9) It is a gym machine, not a lounge chair for you to start a chat with a friend.

10) If you cannot lift a particular weight yet, go back and find your level (I have see some horrible results the day after someone attempted a weight that was beyond them).

11) Never sneer at someone who is having trouble lifting a weight, out of shape, or cannot figure out how a machine works (we were all at one time at that stage).

12) Never treat a female gym user any differently from a male gym user (this applies to both the men and women there).

13) Riding a stationary bike or using an elliptical machine a few times a week and nothing else is not a workout (not a rule, of course, but an acceptable fact).

14) Carry a water bottle with you (there is no point in constantly running to the fountains for a drink).

15) When you are tired, stop.

16) When you feel overheated, stop (you need the time at the end of your routine to cool down).

17) Be patient (you are not going to be what you want to be right away).

18) Add whatever other rule you think belongs on this list.

19) Enjoy yourself!

20) Don’t listen to me (I am not an expert; I just miss the gym).