Welcome To Rock Bottom
It’s Never Ideal, But We Do What We Can
It’s been a rough week.
The kind of week that shakes your entire core and opens your eyes to things you’ve seen and known a long time.
The kind of week that makes you aware of all the things you’ve been hiding beneath the surface.
The lack of purpose, the directionless days, the sadness behind the smile, that niggling voice that tugs at you from the inside, begging you to just slow down and pay attention.
It’s the kind of week where you take note of those in your life that don’t have your best interests at heart, and those that do.
Those that are worth spending time around, and those that are the dictionary definition of ‘banging your head against a brick wall.’
If we’re being honest, I have no idea where to go from here. So I’m choosing inward for now.
The Problem
After yet another family arguement, I find myself with no money, no income, and an employability rating comparable to a lame Cypriot street dog.
I have arrears up to my eyeballs, mouths to feed, least of all mine, and a £411 HMRC bill that will quickly land me in courts or prison if it remains unpaid.
I have no income, no means of making money, and no real idea for how to rectify any of that.
I’m suffering a crippling depression, a lack of energy, fear, loneliness, and the crushing weight of a frightening and stressful reality.
I have no home. My very few belongings are locked away in a place I don’t want to visit. My life savings are down to a £2 coin in the bottom of my wallet. I’m about as close to ‘nothing’ as many dare to venture.
The Plan
What I do have is a body, the ability to write, a ton to write about, and plenty of reasons to pour my heart and brain into something positive.
I’m going to spend some time putting myself back together in all the ways I can.
Exercise. Read. Write. Walk. Take photos. Document. Post. Encourage. Inspire. Uplift.
My place in the world is terrible right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel immense satisfaction in the helping of others.
It’s time to truly lean into that. To truly give value, to humbly serve for no other reason than to help in some way.
I have nothing else.
I’m at a stage of my life where it’d be very easy to crumble and breakdown, to think of myself and how I can ‘take’ in order to improve my position. But instead… I choose to serve. I choose to create. I choose to go through these struggles, day by day, and smile in spite of them. Because of them. For the opportunity of experiencing the climb ahead of me.
A Life Of Service
Here we are, Day One! I mean this is technically day three, but I’ve spent a couple days to myself while I get my brain in check… wallowing I suppose.
I’ve often tossed around the idea of selflessly giving. It’s in my nature to want to help others, a kind of monk-hood that circulates around the giving of happiness to others.
So I’m gonna do that for a while. I have no idea what to do other than that. So I’m gonna walk a little, get some writing done, and maybe look around QUORA and answer some questions via Vocal stories.
I have the idea for a project in the works, 150 poems and ink sketches in a nicely designed PDF Ebook.
I think I’m gonna have to swallow my pride and get down the Job Center. Sign on, as they say. And beyond that, set up Fiverr and try to get some writing gigs.
It is, what it is…
Welcome to rock bottom. It’s only upwards from here.
About the Creator
Gary Ragnarsson
Deep thinker, stoic, and writer from the UK, sharing everything from philosophical insights to my most intimate, personal stories.
In a world consumed by chasing more, I’m over here embracing less on purpose.
Reader insights
Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
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Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
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Comments (28)
I appreciate your sharing your truth as it is; self worth is not defined by others. You are very special. Thank you.
Great job
So true! Enjoyed the read! It really touched me. Great Job!
It's been a day or so- how are you?
congrats on the Top Story
Damn Gary! Over here thinking it's just me this week. Celestial cycles throwing up some clearing with us mortals down here going WTH? Good, better, and best need space to come into our lives. Your sharing is a testament, a boundary marker of where we wait for it and what we do until it comes. Raw and real. Thank yous and top stories are insufficient accolades, but well deserved. Power writing! Powerful!
I related to this way too much, given I've felt very similar in recent months. Good luck with your upward climb. <3
Wow, thank you for sharing Gary. I feel this in many ways…. Nice to know I have a friend. Very proud of you 👏🏼👏🏼 you’re on your way up, i promise.
Oh, and congrats on the Top Story. Things are looking up....
Blimey. Tough stuff. Keep writing, Gary. And I hope that it all come right for you. Now is the time to dig deep.
The most important thing is how honest you are being with yoruself. While others choose to run and hide, you are facing your shadow(s) head on. Sometimes it takes us a while to get to the point you describe here: "If we’re being honest, I have no idea where to go from here. So I’m choosing inward for now." And some never make it even to that point. That's why I'm a huge fan of therapy when needed but not as a crutch. Congratulations on Top Story!
Yes! It can only go up from here. Thank you for sharing this. Writing is sometimes the only thing that makes us feel better. Prayers going up and I have no doubts you will quickly recover. 💖
Sending you love. You've earned a subscriber, and I'll be looking out for your ebook. If you need any insights on how to publish on Kindle, feel free to reach out as I've done it before. Additionally, TikTok is a good marketing tool when it comes time. Best of luck with everything, I hope things turn around for you soon
Good luck with your plans and thank you for sharing your truth. Congrats on the TS.
Sending you vibes that you find something worthwhile to fill the gap. You're a great writer, and communicator. You've penned an honest self review, that I can only think is healthy for you to admit to yourself. I believe in you.
Congratulations!
Gary, this is a sad piece on one hand, but full of hope and inspiration, on the other. I could identify with every word. But I can assure you that you will soar from now because you have taken the first important step - to honestly acknowledge where you are. Somehow that tends to magically open new doors. As a fellow Brit, if I can be of any help at all, even just to listen, please don't hesitate to get in touch. Congrats on getting the top story too. Great omen!
I’ve been in this situation before, but I won’t give unsolicited advice. I’m sure you will figure out what’s best for you—and yes, it absolutely opens your eyes to who has your back. I found out I was utterly alone. I thought I had people, but I did not. Once I got back on my feet, everything was so peaceful without those people. I now believe they were what held me back in the first place. That, and my selfless giving. I’m sure you’ll come out of this stronger and wiser, and I can’t wait to read about it.
Congratulations to your top story.....
That was very impressive, good luck 🍀
Hey Gary– Thanks for writing this very vulnerable piece. I’m so sorry for all you are going through. I know that depression– I stand next to someone who is going through it right now, so I can feel you on a deep level. It sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders and some truly valuable ideas. I love your thoughts on giving and believe that lots of happiness can be found by helping others– and the goodness you give tends to come back around. Looking forward to reading more of your work! Keep pressing on, you are worth it! There is always light and growth on the other side, even if it’s unclear now. Cheering for you!
Honestly, you could have been writing about my life right now - I feel this in my soul, and I want you to know you're not alone. I wish I could offer you advice to help. Instead, I have an old Celtic blessing for you; may the road rise to meet you, the wind be at your back, and the sun warm your face. I hope things improve for you soon!
Mate, it's a nightmare when things are like that. You sound like you have a plan of action that you are going to follow. That's step one at least. i hope it all turns around for you! Also, Congrats on another fine Top Story.
You got this!!!! I believe in you. You have great ideas to pick yourself back up. I can see part 2 . The Raise of the Modern Viking
A thoughtful piece! Good luck. 😊