This is Preface: Positivity & Goodness waves so long to Negativity & Self limitations.

Greetings on this very cold evening on Wednesday November 30th. There are exactly 31 days left in 2022. 31! That is astonishingly hard to believe if you ask me. 2022 has been a wild ride to say the least, I cannot begin to express in enough words the amount of emotions that I have felt and battled. When it was a good day, it was great and I felt unstoppable. But when it was bad, it was a dark, helpless and empty place that I was sure I wouldn’t be able to climb out of. Having experienced both sides of the spectrum at their peak was something I won’t soon forget.

However, while my brain was flooded with all sorts of emotions and feelings and precarious thoughts, this year opened my eyes to having greater appreciation, to immense fear and it most definitely opened my eyes to myself. That If I do not try to begin to love myself, to want to love myself, to bring all things good to myself, then I will be stuck in the cracks surely forever.

I hoped that someone would come along to hold my hand and pull me out. I desperately wanted someone to rescue me, just like I’ve seen in the movies. But I realized that I had to be my own hero and that it was going to take a lot of hard work and keeping positive thoughts and actions on repeat all while trying to keep all sorts of negativity away.

The saying goes “It is easier said than done”. That’s because it is. And if it were, then nobody would be putting in the work or even bothering to try. To try to do something is good, especially when it is new, but once you begin to believe that you ARE capable of doing something than that try begins to morph into I CAN, and soon enough that will morph into an I WILL and before you know you are on the path of I MUST do this. Therefore, now that you’ve TRIED it, you know you CAN do it, so now you WILL always do it and when push comes to shove you’ll know that you MUST do it/complete the task.

It takes coming around to, cause with anxiety harboring you it is really difficult to let go of anything that we are doing on autopilot. There is still a lot of fear attached to merging from TRY to I know I CAN. It is strange but that is only because we were always judged and told that we will never amount to anything. Our brains keep all these types of comments and scenarios locked up and are kept for quick reference. It is a trigger no less, it can be eliminated and forgotten, it just takes work. And you CAN do it.

I have a long way yet to go but I feel that I have made progress even though I have not yet been in touch with a therapist, I have had to help myself and become a self taught therapist so to speak, doing my own research and observing how I feel.

I do not have a journal to show for day to day, it is just not my thing, and I simply couldn’t be bothered to log everyday especially when I was down. This year has been filled with a ton of brain fog as well, which is self explanatory, it hinders your judgment and impacts your ability to focus and stay focused.

I could go on and on and on about all the goings on. But guess what, I don’t want to. Not just yet. I definitely want to write a book about my journey. And although there are many books out there, there isn’t one like mine. It is extremely unique, how do you ask? Well it all started when I left the womb. My life hasn’t just been a shit show the last 2 years, it has been a hardship from the day I was born. And that is how and why my book will be like none other and I do hope to reach others who are in my shoes, whether similarly or not.

It is a very small world and I look forward to touching other lives with my witty banter, sentimental use of words and upbeat inspiration. It took me SO long to begin to accept myself for who I am to finally figure out through myself and others that I AM capable of things and that I CAN do something and that I AM smart.

It is fulfilling to know that and all I want to do is pass that goodness onto others and motivate them that wherever they may be now, it is not forever. It’s just for today, or a few days, but it will end. I myself am still in those stages in various categories, slowly but surely it will be different.

Bottom line is that I am SICK of where I have been stuck. I want goodness all the time, I want positivity and any sort of negativity that I may encounter going forward, it will get left at the door. Negativity stops at my front door.

Here is to the next 31 days of the goodness that has yet to come.

MB