Think Damn it think.

The concussion wreaked havoc on my midbrain as I was undergoing a psychotic episode intertwinded in a reality of cold fusion determined to find an answer to the question of why I did something so fucking stupid. The stupidity lacked substance while I was cluster-fucked in a deep stupor while drinking a mountain dew. What do I mean by stupid. The stupid was really really fucking stupid to the point I almost shit my brains out of my khaki fucking pants. I usually don't swear but this was really fucking stupid. My stupor ran vivid as my stupidity weakened to a slow simmer of about 2 minutes to be exact. My thinking was this. How could I possibly be so stupid. Well I guess stupid is as stupid thinketh me dumbeth. Now I might be stupid I thought but not that dumb. I repeatedly said I might be this stupid but I just realized right then and there that I was now dumb. Fucking dumb I said but how could I be dumb. It's like I cemented the shitter when I needed to take that shit. I fucking damned myself to the fucking dummy brain which I came up with to mind the situation as I drank my mountain dew. This time I realized the moment was lacking a smart brain or a thought of substance. The reality that I was going to be here for ever was tonnage enough. I grew even more desperate and tired of the situation. I needed a fucking plan to be exact. I needed a hail mary from a nun sent by God himself and a pardon from the president of the entire United fucking states, a pardon by Johnson because I royally fucked up and stupid only described the depth of the situation. Had I chosen a different line of thinking I wouldn't be in such a proverbial mess. What I did was beyond stupid. It lacked reason. It lacked thought, and it lacked sense. I was stuck here with a shit without a paddle. My concussion ran deeper and deeper now confused to what I was supposed to be doing. What was it again? Had I forgotten what the fuck I was supposed to do. Where had I gone wrong? And why was I in this position. If time could only tell. This time it was for real. And reality spoke. It spoke opened it's mouth and screamed to the top of its lungs and curdled a yell so loud it shook the very ground I was walking on. This ground was cold to tell you the truth. It was cold to the touch. I could feel it's icy veneer, and with it's ice cold exterior it waned purple. Purple in a cloud of smoke. So smoky it led a charge in to the point of stupid. The stupid reality that waned deep into my midbrain as I began choking on the purple smoke as the charge began to roll over my icy frozen bones and put me into the shit without a paddle exterior as I drank the last of my mountain dew. My midbrain had a thought as it strangled my last surviving nerve into egregious anger and led me to drag my feet to the stupid hell that I was living right then and now. My anger erupted into a sea of frothing nightmarish sounds of pounding archaic waling sounds of sirens laughing in the wind. It pierced my ear drums as well as shot adrenaline into my system. I could lift ten cars at this time as well as run 10 marathons. The anger led me astray and deeper into the stupid. The stupid became the reality. The reality of the mess I was in. The reality that this time I wasn't going to make it. This time I was really in a panic. This time I was in the thick of it. The thick thorny stupid. I gasped at how stupid I had become. My reality of my psychotic concussive episode that was really the stupid reality that had fixated my point of stupid reality came to bear on my fixed exact point I was trying to make. It was this point that terrified me to what I was supposed to do now. This was a fuck up; a last bastion of hope that was no more. It was the knock of the grim reaper standing at my side welcoming me to hell with his evil fucking grin staring me down like an eagle watching it's prey. I had come to the conclusion that I was in hell right now. I was in stupid, and stupid was me. I was struck with a mighty blow. This time it hurt and I could feel the pain coaless my body as it consumed every inch of it to the top of my head and down to my feet. This pain was unbearable as it writhed and writhed some more. Damn it to hell as I cursed God for the last time. This time I lacked strength and lacked motivation as well as something to calm my nerves as the feeling of pain suddenly shot through my nerves straight to my midbrain and I was back to the point of no return. I was at the point of stupid. The psychotic episode of stupid had just begun and I was soaking in it. I was drenched purple up to my knees in the shit of stupid without a paddle. I was barely alive. I was choking to death and unable to breath. The pain had crept inside me and stayed their a fortnight not wanting to leave. The stupid was inside me and all around me. It was swirling and swirling and coming ever so close as to halt my every movement. It was this time I was in it to the death. The thorny stupid had awoke and this time it was fucking mad. It was mad at how I had become drunk with dumb and stupid and to the point of no return. Was it going to kill me? Was it going to knock me on my proverbial stupid ass and make me think about how I was never going to do this again. Was I now the king. The king of the stupid dumb ass I had become. The captain. The complete shining example of the dire stupid that I had relinquished myself to become. I had at last reasoned with my situation. My situation was dire as it was stupid. I had now become the dumbest fucking human being on the planet as the concussion of stupidity had fucked and tricked my midbrain into thinking what the hell am I supposed to do now. Think God damn it. Think. But I was fubared to the point of no return. All I could do now is wait. Wait and hope God was on my side. Did God really exist? Had I turned on God and this was my punishment. Was this really what was happening? Was I dreaming at this point...No it was a nightmare. A nightmare that was truly happening. It was happening alright but I couldn't do anything to change it. It already happened. It was my stupid and this time I owned it. I was sole proprietor of the fucking situation. I owned it lock stock and barrel. It was mine and mine forever. I was in the shit. The stupid had planted me right into the middle of the road as a semi was hauling ass right in my direction. My body froze and it couldn't fucking move. The semi wasn't stopping and I wasn't moving. This time I had seen my life flash before my very eyes. Was I going to live or was I going to die. This situation wasn't getting any better as my prayers weren't getting answered. I lay there screaming move but my body wouldn't move. Screaming didn't help. My body wouldn't fucking move as I screamed laying there wishing I were somewhere else. Wishing I hadn't been so stupid and realizing I was at the point of no return. The unthinkable had just happened and I was in the thick of it. Seeing the blinding light of the headlights of that fucking semi coming closer and closer to my path. Right there in the fucking road I was frozen. The nightmare was fixated at cremating my body to see that man upstairs. The reality woke and the semi had stopped. My situation was that I was stuck in purgatory, because I was stupid all I could do is wait. Wait for a miracle. A miracle sent down from heaven to take me out of this stupid situation I had gotten myself into. It was this thought that if God had truly spared my life what was I going to do and what promise of a better me would I have to become truly at this moment to deserve such a sacrifice or such a miracle was what I meant. The miracle I needed as I prayed their kneeling for God to spare my life from the stupid I had become. Would this nightmare ever end. Would this miracle come to fruition and would God spare me from stupid, or would stupid win. I spoke to God one more time and I knelt their pleading and weeping tears that I wouldn't ever be this stupid again. That moment was the night that never ended as my psychoses shredded tears of pain. It was the night I had to take stupid with me and live with it, but that night finally ended and stupid left, but I'll never forget how stupid I was. How stupid had forged in me a new life. How stupid had changed me. How stupid had come close to taking my life. I hoped that day that stupid never came back. I'm not as dumb as I once was and now I think of that concussive moment of stupid where I lost all thought and recollection. This time I wouldn't be that stupid. This time I would prepare. This time I would do anything not to meet up with the stupid I had become. That nightmare that was a reality really scared me. It scared the living shit out of me, but it taught me a valuable lesson. One that I'll never forget.