The time I used a gender neutral restroom.

A couple of months ago I went on a vacation with my father. We went to enjoy the sights, check out the view, and get some fishing done. All-in-all it was a pretty good time, and the break we both needed from work. Now, let's get to the heart of the story.

After Church, my father and I were pretty hungry. So, we went and looked up a couple of places, and I said to him, "Let's go somewhere that's not a chain restaurant, and if it is it's a chain that's not in our area." So, after Google Mapping our way around town for a few minutes we found a place just by reading its sign. It had a quirky little motto along the lines of "Canpakes & Poffee." So, we walked in, made an order of pancakes and English breakfast tea, and grabbed a booth. I have to say, they didn't look like much, but the flavor was astounding and the woodwork's design of the bar, tables, booths all fit pleasantly well.

So, my dad gets up and says, "I'll be right back. I'mma head to the restroom."

There, I am sipping my tea, waiting for him to return as I've been holding it for a while too. After our second order of pancakes arrives, I'm about to get up just as my dad warns me, "Hey, they're uh- well there's two of them at least."

"Oh, so there's two one toilet restrooms with locks on the doors?" He shook his head in the most sullen way since he had to reprimand me for unruly behavior in my childhood. "Okay, so what do they got?"

"Well, uh, it's just toilets with stalls."

"Oh, cool, so everybody can use them as needed."

"Yeah, but EVERYBODY can use them as needed."

I proceeded to eye him queerly. "What do you mean?"

"They don't got signs outside the restrooms for who can use it."

"It's gender neutral?"

"Yep."

Normally, this wouldn't concern me if it was just a bunch of adults. Why? You may ask. Simple, most adults would still administer a sort of system in which both sexes would be separate and have each one's privacy respected, granted, and enforced. Like, have you ever heard of the phrase "unspoken rules?" Yeah, kind of like those. You see a group 'a' over here so group of 'b' would automatically move elsewhere. Then, even after nobody's been in either area for a while, the establishment of who goes where becomes reintroduced after the bare minimum of two individuals from opposite sides require to have their needs met. Was I politically correct enough with that statement? I dunno, hope so, but maybe I should stop dancing around the terminology and just address things as they are.

So, I went to go use the restroom and as I rounded the corner, I saw what my dad talked about. Both of the restrooms were labeled as gender neutral. I saw a mom, her child together with another woman in one, and I saw another woman exit from the other restroom. So, nervously sweating on the inside with a bit of internal panic serving as garnish, everything clenched up really tightly and I went back to the booth with my dad. "Hey, where you able to go?"

To which he responded, "Yeah, one of them was empty at the time."

"God, I don't think I can hold it anymore. I hope that one of them is empty or at least has another man in it. How's your pancakes?"

"Lovely, they were an unexpected pleasant surprise."

"I know, right?" I felt a pain of pressure hit and my muscles cramped. "Oooo, I gotta go. I don't think I can hold it, Dad. You said you used the bathroom at the end?"

"Yeah."

"Well, hopefully there's nobody in that one."

"Good luck."

As I walked down the hallway, I noticed another mom leaving with her daughter from the restroom on the side of the hallway. For me, I was hoping that the one at the end would be empty, or at least have another guy or two at the bare minimum.

I knocked on the door and pressed my ear up to it. No response. I cracked it open slightly. "Hello? Is anybody in here?" No response. I opened the door a bit wider, peering around the opening. "Huh? It's empty." Doors to the toilets were wide open, nobody at the sinks, and just the sound of the music of the speakers and water flowing through the pipes.

Without delay, I immediately went into the first stall in front of me, and went about doing my business. Sweet relief at last. Yet, it was to be short lived.

After losing a pound or two, I was near done with the business meeting I was having with nature. Then, to my shock the door opened.

"Please be a dude. Please be a dude. Please be a dude," I thought with my fingers crossed.

Twas was not a dude, but a dudette with her progeny in tow, another smaller dudette.

I was scared shitless.

I could've sworn the first thought that popped into my head was Chris Hansen offering me a seat, to which my response was, "Uh, Mr. Hansen, would you, yourself, like a seat? I'm already sitting down, and I won't be moving for a little while."

To make matters worse, I was having a marker situation.

"A marker situation? What's that?"

Allow me to explain. When one is completing their task of their business meeting with nature for their 2nd operation, as much as one can try to wipe the slate clean there seems to be an obstacle preventing that from happening.

"Ohhh, an awkward kind of limbo situation?"

Precisely. Now, back to the dilemma at hand. Nervously scared as I was, and especially upset that I might be causing an olfactory assault upon the room's new guest, I tried my best to keep my thighs pressed down as flat as possible preventing the smells' escape.

As soon as they had entered though, I had spoken up and said, "Apologies ma'am. I hope you don't mind that I'm in here."

She responded that it was quite all right. We're all just there to go about our business.

Eventually, I had completed my mission, cleaned up to standard, and went to go wash my hands. What? Even though I was uncomfortable in the situation, I still have hygienic standards for myself. Besides, it’s not like I could go back to the table with unsanitary hands and continue eating breakfast with my father. A person's gotta do what a person's gotta do.

When I got to the wash sink, there was another woman there. Dressed rather fashionably in a striped sweater (SpongeBob would be proud), heel length skirt, black boots, and a lovely white pearl necklace draped around her neck. She had walked in to wash her hands and touch her makeup up a bit. She was adjusting her bangs right next to me as I was finishing up rinsing the suds from my hands.

As I was drying my hands on some paper towels, I looked at her and said, "You look beautiful." She smiled at me, and held the door open for us. As I proceeded to walk down the hallway back towards my table she went through the kitchen door on the right.

When I sat down at the table I began to relay my story to my father, and we both broke down laughing.

"Yes, the reason why we have men's and women's restrooms is for the protection of the women and children. Especially for their olfactory nerves. So, it was that bad, huh?"

"Yeah, you're either clenched so tight cause you're so scared, or you're so mortified that it just rockets right out of ya'."

"You know, kind of makes you not need the coffee, right?"

"Exactly."

For now we are thoroughly convinced that regardless of what's underneath one's pants that which is the reason for having Men's and Women's restrooms can be the sole reason of scent alone. Trust me, there are truths that are made self-evident to us, and I gotta say that that's one of them. Most people joke about it, but that's because that joke is one of the largest kernel of truths along with water is wet, fire is hot, and the sun is bright. Goodness, that kernel of truth is so big if it was a literal nugget of gold you'd be rich beyond your wildest dreams. Nine times out of ten, the women's restroom is going to smell nicer than the men's.

Did my dad and I laugh? Yeah, yeah we did.

Later that evening we went out to dinner at a different bar in town, and while there I had to use the restroom yet again. This time, the restrooms were gendered. When I went into the men's I saw another gentleman there, I instantly struck up a conversation with him about my earlier harrowing experience.

He laughed, started yapping, and we found ground that was so common you could've called it a gosh darn peace treaty.

Allow me to explain.

He mentioned that as a man, he doesn't feel comfortable in the presence of other women around him when he needs to take care of his business either. The only woman that he shares a bathroom with now is his wife.

When the topic of children got brought up, he mentioned how he has a daughter, and how other men, whether or not they're his friends, have walked into a restroom, seen his kid, and proceeded to practically moonwalk out of there. They know he's just trying his best as a father, and sometimes as a parent you just need a little more space and privacy. They want to make sure he doesn't feel on edge/guard. So, in doing so, they provide him the space that he needs. Also, since his daughter is with him, they want to make sure she feels safe too. Especially since children are taught early on about stranger danger. The other reason is that men do tend to get treated a lot harsher around children... even their own. I should know, especially coming from a mix raced family.

He mentions that men even do it for other men and their sons. I can attest to this. The younger the son the more space and privacy the father and his son(s) receive.

I mentioned how as a young lad I would use the family locker rooms with my family, both of my parents. As I became older and more intuitive, I joined my father in the men's locker room. It was a whole coming of age process. To which the gentleman I was discussing this with wholeheartedly agreed.

We went from dropping liquid gold, to washing hands, then to drying off and holding the door open for one another, all while having a conversation that made so much common sense you could've sworn we graduated with doctorates degrees in the subject.

Later

When I talked about this story with my mother she did find it a tad funny but also concerning about that particular bar's practices.

She did say that, "A woman will use the men's restroom in a heartbeat, and not be as uncomfortable. Reason being is that we tend to have to wait forever to get into our own restrooms." Made sense, especially since both restrooms at that bar had three toilets each, and yes, it was common for at least one of them to be full. At least that's the conclusion I can easily surmise. This makes sense as I've seen groups of women guard the men's restroom if one or more of them needs to use the restroom urgently and the women's is full.

If you're looking for examples of this in pop culture media turn to "Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide." They had an entire episode about how when the kids are preparing to leave the school, the boys waltz in and out of their restroom, while the girls are stuck waiting in line. Before the episode reaches its end the girls storm the boys restroom, kicking all of the boys out, and upon being confused at the sight of the standing urinals storm the toilets. If you're looking for a more recent pop culture reference, check out Netflix's "Human Resources." In season 2 a character named Sarah, who was under the influence at the time, went into the men's room, and upon seeing all the toilets being taken up, just decided to sit on one of the urinals (on a different side note: in high school I've seen a few guys do this as well... at least it explained all of the Lincoln Logs in there) and even got a date out of the whole ordeal by chatting up 'Urinal Guy.' TL:DR When nature calls we all answer, and some of us have backup too.

On a more concerning note, in discussing my story with several women, yes, we all initially laughed, but they discussed with me about how if they were in my situation, they would feel highly uncomfortable. I'm not just talking about a woman being in a restroom with a random dad and his son. I'll keep this brief by using the words that my mother said, "They're only going to have genderless restrooms until something bad happens. Cause as soon as it does, that restaurant's name will get dragged through the mud."

The sexes/genders need to have their privacy respected and to have that respect reciprocated. Forcing it in close quarters only demands higher respect and reciprocation, but also does a disservice to all sexes/genders. By treating them all the same, equally but not necessarily equitably, an injustice is served to all equally and unequally so.

Remember folks, Lady Justice may be blind, but she knows that your shit still stinks.

***

Dear Audience,

Thank You for reading. I hope that I was able to make You laugh, and even have some critical thinking go on in that noggin of yours.

Peace,

Thavien Yliaster