Journal logo

Subtitle Required

by Everyday Junglist 4 months ago in list

The Most Puzzling, Ridiculous, and Downright Stupid Publishing Rule on Vocal

You are welcome Vocal.media. Clever image by me.

No matter how much I think about it, and it is actually way too much I cannot for the life of me imagine what potential justification there could be to require every article or story published on Vocal.media to have a subtitle. An article without one cannot even be submitted for screening by the censorship board (sorry I mean submitted for review to the moderators) without one. Can you imagine what the world would have been/be like if this were an ironclad rule of writing and literature and had been since the beginning of the written word? Luckily, you don't have to as I have imagined it for you below. Consider it a companion piece to my recent screed railing against the ridiculousness of a 600 word count minimum for poetry. Normally I would have ended this introductory section right there. Right at the period after the word poetry. However when I had completed the piece and did my now customary word count I realized I was only at 394 words. So, after yet another round of curses, head slaps, and sighs I had to think of a way to stuff more words into this crap fest of an article and this was the best I could come up with. Essentially what you are now currently reading are the train of thought ramblings of a mad man. In other words you are reading the words coming out of my head currently, totally unfiltered, exactly as I experience them in my head, at this very moment. Or, I guess, actually for you the reader, it will be at some later moment but hopefully you take my meaning. Now, can you imagine having to live with this person 24/7 365 days a year. Ouch, right. Welcome to my world. Do you think I have hit 600 words yet? I am gonna say no, probably another one hundred or so to go. See how I typed out the word one hundred instead of using the numerals one and zero and zero. Smart right? And then I did it again in the sentence right after the first one. I could have typed out the numerals as numerals each time but that would not have padded my word count in the same fashion as fully typing out the words that the numerals stand for, or is it the numerals that stand for the words? Hmmm. That's a weird thing to think about isn't it. Which stands for which? Wow. Got just a little off topic there. What was I talking about again? Who are you? Where am I? Gheesh wake up dummy. Oh right, I am here on Vocal.media writing some dumb article about some dumb policy and trying to pad the word count. Or something like that. And it is called stream of consciousness not train of thought you dumbass. Who is that talking? It's me dummy. Who? I gotta get out more...

Moby Dick - Herman Melville

The Tale of a White Whale

or

A White Whale's Tale

or

A Whale of a Tale

The Odyssey - Homer

Not Homer Simpson, the Other One

Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

A Guide to Pubic Hair Styling

The Divine Comedy - Dante Alighieri

A Not At All Funny Account of Life in Heaven, Hell, and Everything in Between

The Catcher in the Rye

A Book for High School and College English Classes

Heart of Darkness

Apocalypse Now

David Copperfield

A Magician's Guide for Learning to Survive Challenging Encounters with Distress and Misfortune

The Count of Monte Cristo

A Swashbuckling adventure featuring a quick and easy sandwich with ham, turkey and swiss slices, dipped in an egg/milk mixture and fried to a golden brown

Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

A Perverts Guide to Middle Age

Catch-22 - Joseph Heller

Yep, This is Where That Came From

1984 - George Orwell

Vocal.media's Homework Assignment

Author's disclaimer: Publication of my works on Vocal.media do not represent in any way an endorsement of their outrageous and unjust censorship policies. I do not support those policies and in fact find them absurd, abhorrent, and an affront to free societies everywhere. Thank you for reading my works here, but know they are published under conditions in which freedom of expression is being muzzled. Therefore, any works of mine you read in these pages will not reflect the full range of my interests and certain topics will be by necessity greatly minimized or entirely absent. Please accept my sincere apologies on behalf of the editors and moderators of Vocal. Since they won't do it for themselves I will do it for them.

list

Everyday Junglist

Research scientist (Ph.D. micro/molecular biology), Thought middle manager, Everyday junglist, Selecta (Ret.), Boulderer, Cat lover, Fish hater

Receive stories by Everyday Junglist in your feed
Everyday Junglist
Read next: Custom Candy Packaging: A Cost Effective Way of Promoting Your Business

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2021 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.