I feel it's only right to give you folks an insight into who I am and where I come from at the beginning of my journey as a writer. Writing has always been a hobby, but writing is also a big part of who I am. It is the one thing that I can do where I can fully express myself. Let's begin with my dream...
Throughout my life, I haven't given myself many goals, because the ones I have thought about setting into stone were the ones I was most afraid of doing because of the disappointment it would bring. I worried too much and I got too pressured by the expectations that people had of me. I ended up not pushing myself to do anything more than "meets proficiency." Now, everything is different. I have this dream in mind, one I have kept in the back of my mind since I was a freshman in high school. Aside from being a writer and an artist, an ultimate dream of mine is to travel and help people in need.
What I have come up with to achieve this dream isn't quite one that my parents fully support. I planned to get my Bachelor's Degree in liberal arts and major in early childhood education then off to join the Peace Corps until it's time to settle in and start a family of my own. Sometimes it feels too difficult for me to achieve it, but I know if I want to be successful I shouldn't give up. As the months roll by since I began my journey it becomes more difficult and more discouraging to the point I may even want to give up on my plans entirely, but I am not ready to give up just yet. One thing that I wish is that acquiring the funds achieve my dream wasn't as difficult as well.
So far into my journey, it has been nothing but an uphill battle in a blizzard. A battle mostly fought within me. In this world, we are encouraged to work a job we love, but what they don't tell you is how difficult it will be finding a job that pays well and one we love. It's this very thing that encourages people who are unhappy at their current jobs to stay because they need to make a living; they need to survive. It is especially harder when you have to think about a little someone's needs before your own.
Right now my battle includes finding the right balance between going to work full-time and school full-time, as well as paying what is owed to my mother and "managing" my money better. In all honesty, I would manage my money better if I had any money left to manage after giving money to my mom. It frustrates me knowing that I may have to give school, but that is not what I want. It has taken me over two years to get myself back to school and its seemingly more difficult to stay in school. I am in great need of help and at this point, I don't know who to turn to. Now, enough with my sad uphill battle and excuses. I did not intend to have you pity me, it is not my purpose, so I'll move on from here.
Sometime after I turned 13 is when I started to develop a close relationship with writing. That was around the time my parents divorced and my dad left. I was daddy's little girl and I took it quite hard. It was never easy, especially when it came to talking to people about how I felt. Most times I kept it in and bottled it up or running away from my problems would be the more accurate description. I found it easier to write about how I felt and posting it anonymously online. I have always had wonderful responses, ones that only encouraged me to do more and gave me much needed advice.
There was something about a pen and paper that opened my heart completely. The words just flow from my chest and onto a page. I absolutely loved it. I wasn't restricted; I didn't need to pretend to be someone I am not or worry about who was on the other side. I could be myself and lay my heart out on a table without the fear that someone might mistreat me because of who I am and how I look. I could be confident and courageous in my own pieces of art because writing is another form of art. I don't mind the criticism, it's only there to make me better and stronger. So please don't hold back because I will not.
I will no longer let my fear of disappointment and failure dictate my success in my pursuit of a career. If all goes well I hope to complete my first book in the next five years.
What I Write...
I mostly write short story and poems, even confessionals about love, sex, life, my faith, and fan-fiction. I plan on expanding to other subjects in the future and other longer writing pieces, but for now, this is what I have to offer.