Handling a Breakup- Like a Boss

Originally Written: March 31, 2014 (But always relevant to people everywhere.)

When I woke up this morning, my goal was to sit around all day feeding on self pity, depression, and tears. But by 9 am, I was over that shit. I was hungry and I wanted to run.

I realized I'm not stupid. I'll get back to that in a moment.

I told my friend it felt like all the butterflies in me 3 weeks ago transformed into daggers and attacked me from within. In retrospect, I can pinpoint the exact moment it happened 2.5 weeks ago. It was all downhill from there, my feelings started fading, and the butterflies were dead.

In a brief moment, during our first sleepover, I had this split second- a second of complete comfort, where I thought, "This is what I want." I envisioned a life: then I immediately blocked it out, shook my head, and thought to myself, "That is crazy."

A couple weeks later, during a long conversation, he revealed things which made me realize he had similar thoughts.

And I felt less crazy.

But the person at the end wasn't butterfly boy. It was dagger boy. The one who came to make me feel bad; not good. The one who was fine being mean to me; not the one who was trying to be nice. He was definitely no longer the one who told me Klingons were going to attack, as a way to get that first kiss.

…And that's something we forget about during "breakups". We hold on to the idea of the person that they were, not the one we've come to know. We see the one who was trying to impress and win us over; not the one who got comfortable, lost that feeling, or whatever caused them to reveal this other version of themselves.

When we recognize this, the breakup becomes easier. The pain starts to lift. There will still be small moments of pain; moments where something reminds us of that person, you can't wait to tell them something, only to relive the memory: there is no more us to go back to.

But that's okay, because this only lasts a few days, a week at most.

I realized I'm not stupid for trusting another person with my feelings; I realized I'm human.

-And as a decent human being, I'm inclined to seek the best in people & not the worst.

I also realized it would be a fucking shame if I ever lost this part of myself.

I would only turn into the kind of jaded and unhappy person that goes around hurting other people.

I would rather be me: the person who continues to give everyone a fresh start, a new slate, and not carry a grudge that another person gave me- even if that means I’ll end up hurt.

Because everyone deserves-a fresh start.

And may I never lose the part of me that wants to give that.

In the end, I'm sure there's someone out there for me. Someone who also sees the best, loves during the worst, and tries their best not to hurt others.

And if not? There's always cats and Star Trek