Forgiven.

“….Ok Nafiz, now that he’s said sorry, you forgive him and then you will be buddies again. Understood?”

A blank stare trailed off towards the end of the classroom as 4 year old Nafiz was trying to wrap his head around this controversial idea.

Forgive him? Just because he said 1 simple word? What if he steals my toy again, or makes fun of me? I don’t understand, and I definitely don’t like this. I’d much rather just punch him in the gut and call it even.

And thus was the introduction to my first experience with the idea of “Forgiveness”. What was yours?

Growing up, I never really understood the idea of forgiveness. It seemed like a silly way to keep yourself vulnerable to the same mistake of trusting others.

“I’ve been lied to before. With their ‘this is the last time’, ‘I won’t do it again’ and even ‘I love you’…

‘I’m sorry’ isn’t exactly a difficult lie to get passed others.”

I was absolutely baffled; Some made it seem so easy, whereas others continue to suffer because just like myself, they did not fully grasp the idea of forgiveness.

So, what is it to forgive?

Forgiving (in my experience) is the process of making an infringement into a memory- detached from the present and no longer a burden. Infringement on what, exactly? Your happiness of course. Don’t mistake this for a vain gesture of maturity. Forgiveness is your one-way ticket to move forward, and see clearly to learn from the past.

But how?

“Forgive and forget.” Do you realise that in this saying, forgiveness and forgetting are two separate things? Because many don’t. Instead, it is often mistaken as synonyms instead.

Although there is no step by step guide to forgiveness, the first objective you need to complete is acceptance which is a big concept, filled with much needed context. It’s not just acceptance of the occurrence, but also why it had come to be in the first place.

Very importantly, acceptance of your responsibility in the matter too, with no excuses. You too are part of this equation, and you need to think “Have I contributed to this infringement?” and contemplate your own apologies. Forgiveness is an exercise, artform and a dance with the ego, and many a time it’s a solo routine. Sometimes, it needs to be that way because we also need to accept that you may never receive an apology from the infringing party.

There’s so much to explore in this topic, and if you’ve liked this introduction so far, let me know with a like or follow and we can explore a chapter of the Forgiven.

Thanks for reading.